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Dangerous Territory	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Attack on Titan /Shingeki No Kyojin Views: 4228 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own “Shingeki no Kyojin” and do not make money from this fanfic.

Chapter List
- 63
- 64
- 65
Chapter 64
Atonement

The rain was a chaotic drum beating the rooftops of Metz. Red banners donning the swastika sank heavily with wetness, and Nazi flags dripped like blood running down toward the streets. Overhead, thunder rolled like an early echo to the battle that would soon engulf this city, only to suddenly crack and rip through the gray skies like the blast of a howitzer.
In a hotel room in this doomed city, argent sunlight filtered through wet streaks on the windowpanes and lit two naked men cuddled together on a bed. In that room, all was warm, the tiniest sliver of peace in this city preparing to be the frontline of a world war.
Eren’s fingers combed through Levi’s hair as he gazed over to the windows. Time was ticking. Yom Kippur was approaching. He wished he could shout “Sun, stand still” like Joshua did in the Bible, so it would give them a few more hours. There would be no such miracle this time
Levi knew he needed to hydrate before sundown. “Can you boil some water?”
Eren rose up. “Huh? Do you want tea?”
“As much as I can drink. The thirst is what really gets me.”
“Sorry. I should have had you eating and drinking this whole time.”
“Don’t be sorry. Cleanliness is also important on Yom Kippur.” He smirked and admitted, “It’s not like I hated it.”
Eren grinned in relief. They both separated and gathered their clothes, pulling them back on. Levi got one last clandestine glance at Eren’s muscular back before he pulled his shirt on.
Eren got the kettle back on his tiny Esbit stove. However, he brought a serving tray with the teapot and tea tin over to Levi and set it on the nightstand with a sad smile.
“I want to drink your tea. You make the best tea in all of France.”
Levi silently began to set things up, scooping out some tea leaves and putting them into the pot’s infuser. Eren watched Levi preparing the tea with a mix of fascination and sadness. Their last time drinking tea together! He fetched the kettle as soon as it was hot, but Levi said:
“I want you to pour the water.”
Eren was surprised, but he smiled. This now felt like a sacred ceremony between the two of them, and Levi wanted Eren to be a part of that experience.
He poured the hot water over the tea leaves, returned the kettle while Levi capped the teapot, and then they sat together on the bed, waiting for the tea to brew.
“Five minutes,” Eren whispered, gazing down at the pot and the steam drifting out from the spout.
Levi nodded. “Five minutes. It can feel like such a long wait when you really want a cup of tea, and it can go by so fast when you want the moment to stay forever.” Levi reached forward and took hold of his hand. “I remember the day we met. The artillery had stopped, we heard German voices, and I was struggling to keep everyone quiet. I heard footsteps, and you called in. I only knew that a Nazi was coming, and the last time I got that close to a Nazi, I lost someone very close to me. So I was prepared to kill you before you could kill us. I stopped when I saw you weren’t alone. What’s his name? The tall one.”
“Jean,” Eren whispered. “He was covering my flank that day.”
“I knew that if I stabbed you, he would shoot me, and then the whole group would definitely die. If he hadn’t been there…” He squeezed Eren’s hand. “I’m not sure if we could have escaped, but I would have stabbed you, done my best to get them out of that village on my own, and never even bothered to give you a second thought. After all, you were just another Nazi swine.”
Eren smiled at how fate turned out. “Do you want to know the only reason I didn’t shoot you that day? I was prepared to. I would have tried to save the others, since they were civilians, but I came very close to pulling the trigger on you.” He chuckled softly and confessed. “As soon as I opened that door and saw you hunched there, clutching a book to your chest, I thought you were a child.”
Levi scowled and yanked his hand back.
“I’m serious!” Eren said, although he had to laugh now as he thought back. “I was prepared to shoot, but there is no way I can kill a child, not even one trying to kill me. When you looked up, I realized those were the eyes of an adult. By then, I had hesitated too long. Shooting you at that point would have been … barbaric.” He laughed again. “I remember, you said you spoke English a little, and you even talked slowly, like you were struggling. That was all an act, like how you spoke poor English to those American soldiers.”
“If I suddenly spoke flawless English with a British accent, I would have been shot for sure. I played it safe until I knew you would trust me.”
“Until I would trust you?” Eren asked, shocked it was not the other way around.
“You were the one with the gun! Besides, I didn’t trust you.” He thought back to those first few months. “Not for a long time.”
“When did you?”
Levi tried to single out a turning point. “I guess that depends. After you helped to heal me following that attack in the latrine, I knew that at least I could trust you not to simply let me die or kill me on a whim. On Shavuot, when you allowed us to celebrate, I decided I could trust you enough to open up about my past, at least some of it. But as for fully trusting you…” He paused and thought through that seriously. “Not until we reached Metz. I saw how far you were willing to go to save my life, and how angry you were at what happened to the other Jews. That’s when I knew I could tell you everything about my past, including my time with the Deuxième Bureau. If any other Nazi knew that about me, I would be shot on the spot!”
Eren looked hurt. “You thought I would shoot you?”
“I thought you would tell someone else and let them shoot me. I knew you had feelings for me, but it’s one thing to fall for someone who is a race your government says is inferior, and quite another to realize that person used to be a spy and assassin.” He paused and looked down at the tea. “It should be done by now.”
“What? No! That couldn’t have been five minutes.”
“Like I said, it can go by so fast when you want the moment to stay forever.” Levi picked up the teapot, poured it into two cups, and stirred in honey.
Eren looked down at his teacup. Those precious five minutes! Each minute now ticked away so quickly.
“Don’t get blubbery on me,” Levi grumbled. He took a sip of tea. “I miss real sugar. Honey is fine in a pinch, but for black tea, there’s nothing quite like a sugar cube. I really hope that America has some decent teas.”
Eren quietly sipped, committing the taste to memory. He hardly even wanted to drink. The sooner he finished this cup, the closer Levi was to leaving.
The silence dragged on, stretching out time, but it felt like such a waste. Eren wanted to hear more about Levi while he still could.
“You mentioned once that you served in Cameroon. Tell me about it. What is Africa like?”
Levi glanced over, surprised by the sudden break in silence. “It’s not an interesting story.”
“Please,” Eren whispered. “I just want to hear your voice.”
Levi frowned, but he decided to grant at least that wish. “Well, right after I joined the army, I was sent to the AOF … that is, Afrique-Occidentale française.”
Eren nodded in understanding. “Französisch-Westafrika, ja. What was the mission?”
“Keep everyone in line. There was one incident, though…”
He began to tell him stories about missions he did while serving in French West Africa and other African colonies, traveling to wherever the military was needed and swiftly rising through the ranks. Beside the Kongo-Wara Rebellion, he had been involved in many other uprisings from locals.
As Levi told stories of mystical deserts, exotic animals, wild rivers, camel caravans, and the many locals he met, Eren realized that this was the last chance to really get to know this man before he vanished underground. His past was a huge mystery, and every story he shared was fantastical.
Eren gazed at Levi, fascinated by the stories. This man’s life was one long adventure! He listened to the tone of his voice, wanting to remember the timbre and the way some of his words sounded British, while others had a strong French accent. His hands would not stop touching Levi, stroking his skin, holding his hand, sometimes combing through his hair, simply needing to touch him while he still could.
“So, that’s how I ended up in Timbuktu. I normally hate the desert, but that place … what an amazing city! After that, the army sent me to Dakar to take out a few rebellion leaders. That’s in—which bloody country was that again?—Senegal. While I was there, I got contacted by the Deuxième Bureau, offering a promotion and a new job. I despised putting down rebels who simply wanted freedom, so I took the offer right away. That got me on a boat back to France.”
Eren poured Levi more tea. “So, you were sent to Algeria, Congo, Cameroon, Dahomey, Togo, Haute-Volta, Côte d’Ivoire, Niger, Senegal, and the middle of the Sahara Desert?”
“Well, the edge of it.”
“That’s amazing! I can’t imagine an adventure like that.”
“It was with the military, so it was not exactly glamorous,” Levi grumbled. “Most of the areas I was sent to were just sand and savage animals. The hippos were the worst! In Côte d’Ivoire, I saw one of those things capsize a boat and bite a man’s leg off! Not even the crocodiles messed with those bloody hippos.”
“What’s a hippo?”
“Like a giant pig with massive tusks that likes to hide in the river.”
“Pig? Oh, Schwein! And … tusks? What is that word?”
Levi pointed to his mouth. “Big teeth.”
“Oh! Do you mean Nilpferd? Did you really see Nilpferden und Krokodilen?”
“If those words mean hippos and crocodiles, then yes. Unfortunately!”
Eren squeezed Levi’s hand. “Africa sounds amazing.”
“It would be, if we didn’t fuck it up and enslave half the population. That’s the problem,” he muttered. “I understood why they rebelled, and I didn’t blame them one bit. France enslaved them, starved them, treated them like cattle: a free workforce, no different than Nazi labor camps, only hotter and more dangerous animals around. I freed more than one enslaved child while I was there. I didn’t care if they kicked me out of the army for it; like hell am I going to watch a ten-year-old slave away until she starves to death. Still, a mission was a mission. African, French, male, female, Christian, Muslim: it didn’t matter who I killed. I did what I was ordered and left the politics to rich men growing fat on their coffee plantations.”
Eren whispered, “Ich habe nur Befehle ausgeführt. I was just following orders.”
“Precisely. It was easier to not think about it, just obey.”
“I’m glad you at least freed the children. I don’t know what I would do in that situation. I mean, I watched for months as you and the others were enslaved, and I did nothing. I’m the one who suggested it.”
“You saved us in the only way that would work at the time, and you did a lot to help us out. Sometimes, that’s all you can do: give a little comfort and keep hope alive.”
Eren’s brow tensed. “Still, a part of my mind thinks I would have freed them all, and yet … I couldn’t free your people. I was even forced to shoot one.”
“That’s why I can forgive you for doing it, because I was in that sort of situation, pitying those Africans and yet ordered to kill the ones who shouted the loudest that they wanted to be free. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it was my duty as a soldier.” Levi’s eyes gazed out thoughtfully. “We’re a lot alike, and I see a lot of my younger self in you. That’s partly why you intrigued me so much.”
Eren smiled coyly as he leaned in closer to Levi. “Only partly? What else intrigued you?”
Levi rolled his eyes, knowing Eren was probing for some flirtation. “That you were innocent, naïve, stupidly optimistic … a Nazi officer who still had the sort of pure heart I’ve never known.”
Eren reached up and played with a few black strands of hair. “I think you have more good in your heart than you imagine.”
Levi leaned into Eren’s hand, wanting him to hold on a little longer. “Damn, I’m going to miss you saying stupid things like that!”
Eren smiled; he might call it stupid, but he knew Levi really enjoyed these moments of tender happiness.
The peace was interrupted by a knock pounding on the door, and they both jolted.
Eren shouted toward the door, “Wer ist da?” Who is it?
“Oberleutnant Ian Dietrich. Ich wollte nach Ihnen sehen.” First Lieutenant Ian Dietrich. I wanted to check on you.
Levi was already on the move, setting his teacup aside and sliding to the ground. Before Ian finished his sentence, Levi was under the bed.
Eren got up and answered the door. He had a bright smile for his fellow officer, although a part of him realized this man had been involved in the slaughter of the Jews. He had killed Levi’s friends!
“Thank you for coming. I’m feeling better.”
Ian looked him over. “At least you have some color to your face. Any news on that wife of yours?”
Eren did not like the spiteful tone he used, but he supposed that many on this floor now suspected Louise. He easily came up with a lie. “I talked to a friend of hers. She said Louise stopped by briefly, but she was so traumatized by the whole thing, she was up vomiting the entire night. She left in the morning, and the friend did not know where she was headed. I really want to find her, just to let her know I feel okay now.” He forced himself to look grieved. “Poor darling!”
Ian frowned. “Do you not think at all that, just maybe, she might have been involved?”
“If she had, would she have gotten Floch? No!” he said stubbornly. “What person trying to kill her husband would run so hard to save him that she injures her ankle? I cannot believe that she was anything more than a terrified wife who ran away because scary soldiers were glaring at her.”
“For your sake, I hope you are right. In the meantime, is there anything I could do for you?”
Eren was ready to say no, purely to get Ian away, but he saw an opportunity. “Actually, I still feel weak, perhaps from going most of yesterday without food. The meals the hotel serves are fine, but these French portions are too small. The Gestapo recommended that I not eat out at a restaurant, but with rations, I can’t get a decent meal.”
“Say no more,” Ian said, looking determined. “We need our officers to be strong and mentally prepared for battle. Come with me, and I will get you some real food. I was given no such order not to eat out, after all.”
Eren grinned. “I can always rely on you, Herr Oberleutnant. Let me get my uniform on.”
“I’ll fetch my coat,” Ian said, and he turned back down the hallway, marching away with clicking heels.
Eren closed the door and hurried to the wardrobe. “Levi, stay under there for a while.” He grabbed a croissant and handed it under the bed. “Eat that while I’m gone. And here.” He shifted the entire tea tray down to the ground. “Drink the whole pot. We can make more when I return.”
Eren stood up, pulled on his long coat and officer’s cap, and marched out the door. They had until sunset, and he was going to do all he could to make sure Levi could celebrate Yom Kippur properly.
* * *
Levi had begun to drift into sleep, so when the door opened, he jolted and tried to reach for his knife. He heard someone humming. The door shut, locked, and boots walked by, still with the humming.
“I have food,” Eren whispered. He knelt by the bed and looked under. “Since you’re injured, would you prefer to eat in bed?”
Levi slowly pulled himself back out. “It’s safer,” he mumbled. At least here, he could get down under the bed quickly, whereas if he sat at the table, he would have to crawl across the floor.
Eren set a bag on the mattress and pulled out some food: sausages, cheese, a loaf of bread, a thick sandwich, potato crisps, and some apples.
“It might not be a Jewish feast—there’s some pork sausage in the mix,” he warned, setting the sausage aside and closer to him, “but at least you can eat well, and there should be leftovers to take with you. The French Resistance might not have enough spare food for you to recover your strength.”
Levi was grateful that Eren was even preparing for what came after he left. It showed that he was not going to simply let Levi go and never look back on these weeks. He truly did want to care for him long after, even if they could not be together.
The food smelled delicious, and the two began to eat. Silence filled the room like a fog. Eren looked up and watched as Levi took bites and dabbed his mouth clean with a handkerchief. His movements were so graceful. Even just placing a piece of cheese into his mouth had a smoothness of motion mixed with purpose.
Eren warmed up the kettle again, and Levi made more tea. Eren gazed down into his cup. He would miss Levi’s tea.
It was strange how hours could stretch on like eternity or rush by like a missile whistling toward a target. For Eren and Levi, there was a foreboding sense of time threatening to slip out of their hands. They ate with little talking, like if they did anything to pass the time, it would fly by.
They were both trying to drag out time, yet they could hear the wristwatch on the nightstand ticking, ticking, time marching ever onward.
Once the food was finished, Eren gave Levi some medication for the pain, and they cuddled in bed a little longer. The medicine made Levi relaxed and dizzy. He sank against Eren’s chest.
Levi knew that he probably should be drinking more, it was important to hydrate before the fast, but he still refused to let go of Eren. This feeling of human connection was something his soul needed, whereas food was merely a corporeal need.
Wasn’t that part of what Yom Kippur was about: breaking free from fleshly weaknesses to connect stronger with the soul?
This was what his soul had been missing for years.
The light in the window shifted, and Levi pulled up to glance at the growing darkness.
“It’s near sunset.”
“No!” He grabbed Levi and refused to let go. “Not yet!”
“Eren…”
“Not yet!”
“Quiet!”
Eren shook his head in obstinate protest, yet he saw the light outside fading, the gray skies tinting red like blood. He wanted to honor Levi’s religion, but he also felt it was brutally unfair that this night was a night when Levi had to refrain from all fleshly desires.
Especially after that bath, it felt so unfair.
His arms loosened, and he slowly let go. “Sorry,” he whispered.
Levi sat up. It hurt to see Eren sad, but he knew he needed to prepare. “One more pot of tea,” he whispered. “You make it this time. Show me if you’ve learned anything useful from me,” he challenged.
Levi got up, hobbled on his crutches to the bathroom, and cleaned up. He brushed his teeth, washed his face, and cleaned his hands.
Levi stared into the mirror. Washing like this before Yom Kippur had always been an important ritual for him. He was washing away the last of the filth of this world. He was supposedly lifted closer to perfection on this holiest of days, so cleanliness was essential. Before he faced God, he wanted to be truly pure.
In the other room, Eren boiled water. His hand kept running through his hair, clenching at his scalp in anguish that he held back.
He needed to be strong, to help Levi with this important religious holiday, and in the morning they were taking a big risk to get him sneaked out of the hotel. Levi needed to be alert and prepared. That meant proper hydration.
Levi came out of the bathroom and hopped slowly back to the bed. Eren brought over the prepared teapot and poured a cup. He guzzled the entire thing, Eren poured another, stirred in honey for him, and Levi drank that as well. This would be the last liquid to drink until the following sunset.
As Levi finished off the entire pot of tea, Eren walked to the window and gazed at the rain. It was still a heavy downpour, he had no idea when sunset would really happen, but he wanted to make his best guess for Levi’s sake.
“Do you have a white shirt?”
Eren spun around at the question. “Only my Unterhemden.”
“May I wear a clean one?”
“Of course!” he said, eager to help in any way.
Eren hurried to his wardrobe and pulled out a shirt while Levi began to unbutton his own shirt. Then Eren sat next to Levi on the bed with the cotton undershirt in his hands. He watched as Levi slipped the black shirt off.
Eren’s eyes softened as he watched the fabric tumble off Levi’s shoulders and slip down his lean arms. His hand began to reach forward of its own accord, only for him to catch himself and yank back, closing his outstretched fingers into a fist. Levi paused at the motion and glanced over. He saw the same anguished longing Eren had a month ago, before their relationship began.
“Eren.”
He jolted and looked guilty. However, Levi took hold of Eren’s chin and leaned in to give him a kiss.
Despite pulling his hand away before, now Eren clutched at Levi, at first possessively, not ever wanting to let him go, but slowly his fingers softened, and he caressed Levi’s back. He felt the puckers of the whip scars, and they stung his heart.
He suddenly pulled away as his chest shivered and his eyes burned. He didn’t deserve to enjoy these kisses. He didn’t deserve to see Levi again. After all he did…
“Eren,” Levi whispered, seeing the self-loathing clenched in Eren’s jaws.
Eren had to gulp down a sob before he could speak. “I remember the first time I got to touch you in private. I told you that day, I hate myself for knowing that some of these scars were caused by me.” He reached forward again, and a single finger traced across a puckered whip scar. “I still do. I always will. Even if God can forgive me, I will never forgive myself. Not for this.” He could hear the crack of the whip and his voice, like someone else’s words filled his mouth, screaming that Jews were disgusting subhumans.
Levi took Eren’s hand and pulled it away from the scars. “I don’t know if this will help. On my journey, Moses, Ruth, and I met up with a rabbi. We talked a lot on the road, and he helped me. One day, I told him that the priest I stayed with right after my wife died said that I should learn to forgive and forget. I couldn’t! There was no way I could forgive those Nazis or forget what they did to her. He told me, that’s not always the goal. He told me, sometimes the best plan is not to forgive and forget, but to remember and change. It’s okay to remember, and it’s okay for it to always hurt. It’s even okay not to forgive someone, so long as we take that pain and do something good with it.” He raised Eren’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “Grow up a little more, and figure out how all of this changed you.”
“Grow up a little more?” Eren asked, laughing softly.
“In the end, you’re still a brat.”
Levi reached out to Eren’s face, held his cheeks in both hands, and then he slowly leaned in to give him one final kiss. It lingered, and their tongues sought each other out.
One final taste. He wanted to remember it. The last thing he would taste before Yom Kippur began was Eren’s mouth.
He pulled back and saw a flush on Eren’s cheeks. Yep. Still a brat who got so happy at just a kiss.
He tossed the white shirt over his head and let it tumble down onto him. It was massive, drooping on his shoulders, but it was fresh.
“Is white important?” asked Eren.
“Traditionally, we’d wear a kittel—a white robe—to symbolize purity,” he explained. He glanced down. The undershirt of a Nazi uniform! At least there were no swastikas or German propaganda phrases on it. He could think of it as just a plain white shirt.
Then Levi glanced at the window. He was not sure how he knew the sun had set—maybe he just knew instinctively. Still, he sensed it was time.
“It begins,” he whispered, sounding solemn.
Kol nidrei
veh-essaray
u-sh’vooh-ay
vacharamay
vih-konamay
vih-cheenooyay
vih-keenoosay
dindahrnah
u-d’eeshtahbahnah
u-d’achareemnah
u-d’ahsahrnah
ahl nahfshatahnah
meeyom keepooreem zeh
ahd yom keepoorim
hahbah ahlaynoo l’tovah…
Levi stopped and shook his head. That was all he knew.
Eren softly said in admiration, “Jewish prayers sound like songs.”
“Because they’re usually sung.” Levi was touched by the acceptance. “I don’t really know many prayers. I wish I did.”
“What was that about?” asked Eren.
“It’s the first prayer we say on Yom Kippur, or at least, all I can remember from it. The tradition goes back to medieval times.”
“Mittelalter?” Eren asked, really intrigued now. He loved stories of the Middle Ages.
“As Jews were forced to scatter from Israel, no matter where we went, we were persecuted. Many were forced to convert. Swear loyalty to Jesus or Allah, or die by the sword. On Yom Kippur, the entire group said a prayer, asking the courts of heaven to be allowed to pray alongside such people—which normally wouldn’t be allowed—and accept them back without anger or spite for what they had to do just to survive. They begged God to be forgiven of all the vows they had been forced to take. All vows—Kol nidrei—made under duress are absolved, and all is forgiven.” His brow lowered. “I was never forced to join another religion, but I’ve attended Catholic and Protestant churches just to fit in. Once, on a mission in Bulgaria, I pretended to be a priest of the Orthodox Church.”
“You never told me that story,” Eren muttered. It hurt, realizing there were things about Levi’s past that he still did not know about, and they did not have the time to get to know each other fully.
“Do you forgive me for not telling you?”
That question jolted Eren. “What? Yes, of course. You probably have many stories.”
“Do you forgive me for wanting to celebrate Yom Kippur? You’ve sounded upset since I mentioned it.”
“Why would you ask that? You don’t need to seek my forgiveness.”
“I do! That’s the whole point! God forgives us for the sins that affect no one else but God himself. For sins that affect others, we have to apologize and seek forgiveness from those people first. Only then can the prayers of Yom Kippur cleanse us of our sins.”
Eren took both of Levi’s hands and looked at him levelly. “Never think it’s a sin to follow your religion. Not in front of me, not in front of anyone! I know—all too well—what the Nazis have done to Jews.” He closed his eyes as he could hear his mother’s screams and see Abel’s face. “I will never be like that. I will support you in any way I can…” He laughed softly to himself and admitted, “…even if I wish it was on any other day.”
Levi lowered his eyes, fully realizing how dangerous such a declaration was to a man like Eren. Softly, he whispered the ending of the prayer: “Vah-yoe-mare adonai, sah-lach-tee kid’vorecha. And the Lord said, I have pardoned them, as you have asked.” He looked up into Eren’s eyes and said with hope in his heart, “May God pardon you and wash your sins clean.”
Eren lowered his head, humbled by that blessing.
“Can you get my Tanakh? It’s in my bag, under the bed.”
Eren quickly pulled out the bag and found the book inside. He smiled as he touched the cover, so glad that he had decided to rescue this book. He remembered how Levi had yelled at him to burn it, since a book was not more important than a human life.
Maybe not, but this moment was worth the danger.
“Can you read some of it to me?”
Levi flipped through some pages. “Translating from Hebrew is hard. I can barely read it as it is.”
“Well, maybe I can follow along in German.” Eren rolled over to the nightstand and pulled a Bible out from one of the drawers. “Which book is it?”
“Vayikra.”
Eren paused and looked up in confusion. “I don’t remember that book in the Bible.”
“Try the third book.”
Eren flipped through pages. “Genesis, Exodus, Levitikus.” He paused. “Is it Levitikus?”
“Go to the 23rd chapter. It’s near the bottom. It should start with something about the tenth day of the seventh month.”
“Ah! I found it. You read. I’ll follow along.”
Levi pointed to the line, reading slowly. Although he had practiced this part every year on Yom Kippur, he still struggled to read the Hebrew.
וידבר יהוה אל־משה לאמר׃
אך בעשור לחדש השביעי הזה יום הכפרים הוא מקרא־קדש יהיה לכם ועניתם את־נפשתיכם והקרבתם אשה ליהוה׃
וכל־מלאכה לא תעשו בעצם היום הזה כי יום כפרים הוא לכפר עליכם לפני יהוה אלהיכם ׃
כי כל־הנפש אשר לא־תענה בעצם היום הזה ונכרתה מעמיה׃
וכל־הנפש אשר תעשה כל־מלאכה בעצם היום הזה והאבדתי את־הנפש ההוא מקרב עמה׃
כל־מלאכה לא תעשו חקת עולם לדרתיכם בכל משבתיכם׃
שבת שבתון הוא לכם ועניתם את־נפשתיכם בתשעה לחדש בערב מערב עד־ערב תשבתו שבתכם׃
Eren followed along.
And Yahweh spoke to Moses, saying: But on the tenth of this seventh month is the Day of Atonement; you shall have a holy assembly, and you shall castigate your souls, and bring a fire offering to Yahweh. And you shall not do any work on that day; for it is the Day of Atonement, for you to make atonement before Yahweh, your God.
For every soul that does not castigate itself on that same day shall be cut off from their people; and every soul that does any work on that same day, I will destroy that soul from among their people. You shall do no work whatsoever: an everlasting statute throughout your generations in all your dwellings. A Sabbath of rest it shall be for you, and you shall castigate your souls; on the ninth of the month, in the evening, from evening to evening, you shall observe your Sabbath.
“Der Versöhnungstag. The Day of Atonement,” he whispered. “I still wonder if I could be forgiven for killing that man.”
“He wasn’t that man. His name…”
“Abel Friedman,” Eren cut in. “I will never forget his name. I say it in my prayers every night.”
Levi flipped some pages. “Let me read you something else about Yom Kippur. I’ll try to translate it into English.” He found the scripture and took a moment to translate it in his head. “‘For on this day shall atonement be made for you, to cleanse you from all your sins before the Lord.’” He closed the Tanakh. “Kippur can mean atonement, but it literally means a cleansing. If anyone can clean the souls of the likes of you and me, it’s God. He knows you didn’t mean any of it.”
“Some of it I did, before I met you.” Eren cringed in anguish as he remembered the ugliness of his past. “After I went to live with Hannes, I grew to hate Jews. I felt like they were at fault for my mother’s death, they tainted her with their impure blood. My first year in Hitlerjugend, a group of us boys sneaked out at night and threw rocks through the windows of a Jewish bakery. Hannes found out and told me to stop, that if I continued to hate Jews, I would hate myself, and worse, I would come to hate my mother. He and my mother were good friends, after all.” He glared and grumbled, “He told me to pity Jews instead, because it wasn’t their fault that they were inferior to Aryans.”
Levi rolled his eyes, “And here I had some hope for that man. Typical Nazi after all.”
“But I meant it back then. I truly hated Jews.”
“You were a child, and your mind was manipulated by propaganda. A child will believe whatever an adult repeats to them. All of society was repeating that bullshit to you.” He squeezed Eren’s hand. “My personal thoughts—if there really is a God out there, and if we all have a soul that needs to be cleansed, all we have to do is ask, really mean it, and he’ll do it.”
“Do you really think God could forgive a Nazi?”
“You’ve saved the lives of many Jews. That’s gotta atone for at least a broken window.”
Levi looked back down to his book, reading silently, although his brow sometimes tensed as he struggled with the Hebrew words.
As Eren gazed at him, he wondered if Levi had already ascended a little closer to becoming an angelic being. He was certainly celestial to him!
“Can … Can you say another Jewish prayer?” Eren asked, nervous to express his fascination. “You don’t have to translate it or anything. I just want to hear it. It feels more special in Hebrew.”
“God hears prayers no matter what language they’re in.”
“Yes, but this is the language of the Patriarchen. It’s how Jesus spoke.” He added timidly, “I wish you could teach me something I can do on Yom Kippur. I want to learn at least one thing by heart.”
Levi was touched by the acceptance. He saw in Eren the same curiosity Petra had. She had known about Yom Kippur before he even told her about it. It turned out, she had been asking Jews in town all about this religion that Levi tried to ignore. She was the one who convinced him to observe it once again. When she insisted on fasting alongside him and he saw her get weak yet persist out of loyalty, he felt so close to her. She truly was accepting of everything about him.
“I can teach you one thing.”
Petra had loved this song, because it was the only one she could memorize. Levi felt like singing it now would honor her memory. Softly, Levi sang in a melodic, quietly joyous tone that rose and fell differently with each repeated line:
L’shana haba’ah b’Yerushalayim,
L’shana haba’ah b’Yerushalayim,
L’shana haba’ah b’Yerushalayim,
L’shana haba’ah b’Yerushalayim habnuyah.
Eren felt a chill go down his arms. “That’s … familiar.”
Levi glanced up. “You may have heard a Jew sing it before. It’s a song we sing on Yom Kippur and Passover. ‘Next year in Jerusalem.’ It’s the eternal hope of Jews, that we can one day return home.”
Eren shook off the creepy familiarity. “Would you want to return to Jerusalem?”
Levi shrugged. “Most Jews will say they want to, but I don’t feel like I deserve it. I know so little about what it means to be Jewish. Besides, it’s a desert. I don’t like the heat. I’d rather live somewhere with snow and cool autumn days, walking through the hilly countryside and crunching on the fallen leaves in a forest.”
Eren snuggled up close to him. “That sounds romantic.”
Levi glanced down, and his hand slid over to touch Eren’s hand, rubbing their pinkies together. “Besides, you wouldn’t be in Jerusalem.”
Eren blushed, and his fingers slid over, slipping under Levi’s hand. “I grew up on der Nordsee. To me, Italy in the spring was pretty hot. I can’t imagine a desert.”
Levi kept his gaze down on Eren’s hand, tracing the knuckles. “What are your plans for after the war?”
“To find you, of course.”
“I mean, after that. Are you moving back to where you’re from?”
“Cuxhaven? Probably. I have a house there, and it’s a nice village, but there isn’t really anything there for me now. It would be awkward. Most of the people there only knew me as Grisha’s son.”
“But … I mean, surely there are people who will be happy when you return back home. Friends, old neighbors.”
“Not really. Any neighbors haven’t seen me since I was ten. Hannes was killed in Russia, most of my friends are soldiers now, who knows how many will survive this war,” he muttered. “To be honest, I don’t have anyone waiting back home for me. Just an empty house.” He glanced at Levi’s hand, how it played with his fingers in a way that almost seemed nervous. “Why?” he asked with a tiny smile.
Levi shrugged, keeping his focus down. “Just wondering. If you don’t have anything tying you down there…”
Eren flipped his hand around and held onto Levi’s fingers. “Are you hinting that perhaps I could do more than just pay you a visit in New York?”
Levi looked flustered and confused. “I’m just saying, it’s sometimes a good idea to start your life over fresh. I’ve done that twice: when I left the slums and joined the military, and then when I left the military and settled down in the countryside. It feels good, having a clean slate.”
“Clean slate?” he asked, unaware of the saying.
“Like a chalkboard, you can wipe away anything on it.”
“Chalk … board?”
Levi growled at Eren’s limited English. “Never mind!”
Eren chuckled at his embarrassment. He understood what Levi was actually hinting at. “It’s a very nice offer,” he admitted, squeezing Levi’s fingers. “I promise, I’ll think about it, but I’m not sure if I would be welcome in America.”
“Because you’re German?”
Eren smiled sadly. That was precisely the issue. “Who would want their former enemy to live next to them?”
Levi’s hand finally tightened onto Eren’s fingers. “I would.”
Eren jolted at the firmness of that declaration. It was not just a statement, but an offer.
To live next to Levi! Maybe even live with him! To spend their lives together. It truly was such a nice thought, he doubted that it could be a reality.
Yet if it could…
How sweet of a life that would be!
Maybe someday in the future…
Wasn’t that the meaning of that song: the eternal hope that next year they would meet together in another land under better times?
L’shana haba’ah. Next year.
There was a knock on the door. Eren gasped and yanked away. Then he heard Jean’s voice.
“Jäger? Ich bin’s, gehen wir essen.” Jäger? It’s me, let’s go eat.
Levi let out a frustrated sigh. “What does he want?”
“To eat.”
He closed his book and slid down to the ground. “Don’t bring any food back. The smell would tempt me.”
“I can stay with you,” he whispered. “We can fast together…”
“No. You need your strength for tomorrow. I’ll stay under the bed praying until you get back.”
Jean knocked again. “Sind Sie da, Jäger?” Are you there, Jäger?
“Answer him,” Levi ordered.
Eren turned to the door. “Essen klingt gut. Ich komme gleich raus, gib mir kurz Zeit.” Food sounds good. I’ll be right out, give me a minute.
He hurried around to gather his things, yanked on his tunic, tied up his boots, adjusted his cap on his head, and pulled out his coat.
“Eren,” Levi whispered from under the bed. “Be safe out there. Someone wants you dead, or at least captured. Don’t go anywhere alone.”
Eren dropped to a knee beside the bed, reached under, and held Levi’s hand. “I’ll be careful. Same to you.”
He went to the door and opened it. Jean was not alone. A group of officers were there.
“About time,” Jean grumbled.
Eren glanced around at all of them. “Is there a party?”
Holger explained, “Jean mentioned taking you out for a good meal, and I wanted to go too. Surma heard and was eager to join.”
Surma pushed his glasses up his nose. “I wouldn’t say eager. I was simply feeling peckish.”
“Then Jean mentioned something about going to Madame Carly afterward, so of course Daz insisted on coming. The others wanted to make it a party to cheer you up. We were all gathering when even Ian joined our group.”
“Safety in numbers,” Ian said. “If any of us gets poisoned, the others will have our backs.”
“Come on,” urged Holger. “You need to get out. After everything you’ve been through, you need food.”
“And beer!” said Greiz.
“A few beers sound good!” Eren declared, and he locked the door before leaving with them.
# # #
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So much culture that I am honored to share with you all! The traditions of Jews varied as they were forced to move from place to place, constantly persecuted no matter where they went. So the music and even the lyrics of these songs and prayers may be different from one group of Jews to the next.
Fun fact: I acted out the conversation between Levi and Eren as the tea brews, and it lasted exactly five minutes.
I researched the precise time of sunset in Metz on this day. By using the website PlanetCalc, I took the latitude and longitude of Metz, set the time zone, and entered the date. Sunset was at 18:25.
Latitude: 49° 07' 8.80" N
Longitude: 6° 10' 21.68" E
Time Zone: UTC+1:00
Initial Date: 26 September 1944
Sunset: 18:25
"Sun, stand still" – Joshua 10:12 according to the King James Version: "Then spake Joshua to the LORD in the day when the LORD delivered up the Amorites before the children of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel, Sun, stand thou still upon Gibeon; and thou, Moon, in the valley of Ajalon."
From this, "Sun, stand still" became the common English translation of Joshua's request. However, in Ancient Hebrew, the word דום (dōwm) does not necessarily mean "stop moving," but rather "take a rest, be at peace, stop doing what you're doing," and comes from the same root as the Ancient Babylonian word for "to be dark." What event happens to make it seem like the sun stops what it's doing and becomes dark? An eclipse! Using computer models, scientists at the University of Cambridge realized there actually was an annular eclipse in Canaan on October 30, 1207 BCE, which matches the year Joshua fought the Amorites. This type of eclipse creates a "ring of fire" around the sun.
Historically, eclipses have swayed the outcomes of major battles. In 584 BCE, the Thales Eclipse was seen by the warring Medes and Lydians as a sign from the gods to end their six-year war, in what is now called The Battle of the Eclipse. In 1879 at the Battle of Isandlwana, an annular eclipse motivated the Zulus, leading to a decisive victory against the British invaders. So it's not that far-fetched to think that an eclipse allowed the Israelites to defeat the Amorites. If Joshua 10:12 does reference the 1207 BCE eclipse over Canaan, it would be the oldest on record. Pretty cool, I think!
- https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Joshua+10%3A12&version=KJV
- https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/oldest-recorded-solar-eclipse-helps-date-the-egyptian-pharaohs
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_the_Eclipse
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Isandlwana
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Kol Nidrei – the first prayer of Yom Kippur in the Ashkenazic tradition.
- Video: https://youtu.be/-C-8f_SoNqg
- https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/kol-nidrei
- https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/text-of-kol-nidre
Levi reads Leviticus/Vayikra 23:26-32. My English translation is based directly on the Elberfelder 1905 German Bible, rather than copy/pasting an English version, because this way we see what Eren is reading, and frankly, most English translations suck. The Elberfelder is considered the most accurate German Bible, the closest to the original Hebrew, while most English Bibles descend directly from the King James Bible, which is a shit-show of bad translation errors and flat-out “making it up as you go” guesses to Hebrew words.
- https://www.chabad.org/library/bible_cdo/aid/9924/jewish/Chapter-23.htm
- https://www.biblestudytools.com/elb/levitikus/23.html
Levi later reads a literal translation of Leviticus 16:30.
L’shana haba’ah b’Yerushalayim (לשנה הבאה בירושלים) – “Next year in Jerusalem.” This wish of eternal hope had been sung for hundreds of years at the end of Passover and Yom Kippur. As Jews began to return to Jerusalem following World War I, they instead sang “Next Year in Jerusalem Rebuilt,” (B’Yerushalayim habnuyah) with the hope that one day the Temple in Jerusalem will be rebuilt for the third time, part of the prophesied Messianic Era and “Gathering of the Exiles.”
- Video - https://youtu.be/wx7IcfSyyPY
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L'Shana_Haba'ah
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gathering_of_Israel
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Levi’s Travels
I have practically another novel worth of notes for Levi’s life, from his time growing up on the streets of Paris, a few details from his time in the military, his life with Petra, and how he got to that village. We get bits here and there out of chronological order scattered throughout this story. I’m seriously thinking about taking those notes and making a prequel. (Not until AFTER this story is done!)
In 1928, Levi joined the military and was sent to the French colonies in Africa. His first station was in Algeria, but he was immediately sent to fight in the Kongo-Wara Rebellion, where he took on a mission to assassinate one of the leaders. After that, he was sent to French Cameroon to keep some rebels in line, and this was when he freed his first slave, sickened at the idea that France was resorting to such dehumanizing methods.
At some point, he was sent to Dahomey (modern day Benin), Togo, Haute-Volta (Burkina Faso), Côte d’Ivoire (Ivory Coast), Niger, Senegal, and Timbuktu on the edge of the Sahara Desert, all French colonies at the time, usually to covertly deal with local problems. Levi did not care about politics, and he didn’t give a crap about why the person was causing problems for France. If he was told to assassinate them, he did. Male or female, Black or White, he did as he was ordered and didn’t question ethics (except for killing children, he refused to do that). His skills in covert ops were noted, and he was transferred to the Deuxième Bureau as a spy and an assassin.
So yeah, that implies Levi’s job was to put down rebellious locals who were mad about being forced to work for French landowners in gold mines, coffee plantations, banana farms, or construction projects. Not slavery, oh no, European colonists didn’t condone the enslavement of Black people!
Sure, they were taxed 90% of what they earned, if they tried to leave their job they could be arrested, and convicts were sentenced to mandatory penal labor, which meant you worked to earn enough for rent and taxes with nothing left over, or you worked for free … but that’s totally not slavery!
I mean, if you want to get all technical, the majority of the workforce in French West Africa wasn’t paid at all, most of it was forced labor, compulsory cultivation, and mandatory penal labor. But surely those Africans should give the White colonists some credit for sending humanitarian missionaries to make promises that France would free those tens of thousands of captive slaves — ahem, I mean forced laborers — and if they obeyed their White masters (ahem again, I mean European employers) and gave up their gods and traditions to be good little Christians, the generous White Masters might possibly pay them wages … one day … maybe when there wasn’t new taxes out of Paris, or a labor shortages from Spanish Flu, or malaria, or smallpox, or wars, or maybe if the weather was a little bit nicer in Senegal; after all, that drought really hurt the bankers back in Paris. How dare the Black slaves (I mean African forced laborers) demand equal rights and fair wages! Do they actually expect “Liberté, égalité, fraternité” from France? The nerve!
(Forgive me, my eyes are rolling so hard I have a migraine.)
My point is, France totally condoned and fully took advantage of slavery up until 1956—most colonizing countries did in the 19th and 20th centuries, and … not … just … Europeans! China continues to use forced labor, enslaving the Uyghurs and enacting mass genocide, while the world looks away because it’s bad for business to upset China.
Forced labor, tying generations of people to the land, death penalty for not working hard enough, using people as expendable tools, even if 20,000 laborers die building your goddamn railroad (ALWAYS left off lists of “deadliest construction projects” despite being one of highest death tolls for a construction project, yet racism includes erasure of history) … such tactics still used to this day are all still slavery, no matter what fancy language the law books give it.
Because it is Black History Month, I thought I would talk a little on this issue.
- https://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~africa/fall-labor&devt.pdf
- https://ehne.fr/en/encyclopedia/themes/europe-europeans-and-world/forced-migration-and-work-in-european-colonies/forced-labor-in-european-colonies
- https://news.stanford.edu/2015/04/23/humanitarian-congo-daughton-042315/
- https://oxfordre.com/asianhistory/view/10.1093/acrefore/9780190277727.001.0001/acrefore-9780190277727-e-33
- https://globalvoices.org/2021/08/21/japans-battleship-island-hides-history-of-wartime-forced-labor
- https://www.worldatlas.com/articles/countries-with-the-most-modern-slaves-today.html
- https://www.nationalreview.com/2014/12/chinas-slaves-josh-gelernter/
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congo%E2%80%93Ocean_Railway
- https://www.worldatlas.com/articles/the-10-deadliest-construction-projects-in-the-world.html (racist for leaving out THE deadliest construction project in modern times)
- https://news.stanford.edu/2021/07/20/deadly-railroad-project-congo-reveals-colonial-era-abuses/
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