Dangerous Territory

BY : Rhov
Category: +. to F > Attack on Titan /Shingeki No Kyojin
Dragon prints: 2537
Disclaimer: I do not own “Shingeki no Kyojin” and do not make money from this fanfic.

Chapter 26

The Nazi Wonder Drug

 

Eren woke, surprised to feel so warm. Then he realized there was a body beside him. As his eyes struggled to open, he saw a gray-blue gaze.

Levi? Why was he in his bed? And naked? For that matter, why was his bed suddenly so soft? A dream? If this was a dream…

Without a word, Eren leaned in and gave Levi a kiss. He had dreamed this fantasy before, waking up in a bed he shared with Levi, gentle morning kisses leading to passion. This dream was one of his favorites.

“Oy. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Eren jolted. That was not how the dream went. “Levi?”

His eyes narrowed. “Who did you think you were kissing?”

Eren blinked out the sleep. “I thought … I was dreaming.”

He looked again. Levi did not look angry about the kiss, nor did he look happy. His face was impossible to read.

“Well, you’re awake,” he said.

Eren looked aside, feeling humiliated. “Sorry.”

Levi stared at him. What was that dream he was having? Was it about him, or someone else? Why was he even worried about that?

And why had that kiss felt so wonderful?

Levi suddenly shifted up and slammed his hand down on the other side of Eren, caging him in as he hovered above. Eren looked up and gulped as his heart raced with wild desires. This was part of his dream too, only usually Levi spoke sensual words and kissed him.

“L-Levi! What … are you doing?”

Levi’s gaze remained neutral. With his bed-head hair resting on the pillows, Eren looked so vulnerable, so nervous, and so immensely eager.

“Why did you kiss me?” he asked in a quiet, almost threatening voice.

Eren panicked. “I’m sorry. I … I thought…”

“That I was someone else?”

“No!” he shouted, hurt that Levi would think that. Eren slammed his mouth shut, realizing that protest had been far too loud. “I thought … that it was you, but a dream.”

“What sort of dream?”

Eren slowly smiled, barely able to meet Levi’s eyes. “A dream where you’re in my bed.”

“What else?”

“And we … we kiss.”

Levi glanced at Eren’s lips before returning his sharp gaze back up to those huge, teal eyes. “What else?” he whispered.

Eren knew his cheeks were crimson. “We just kiss. A lot.” He laughed awkward. “A whole lot. All over.”

“All over?” Levi repeated. “Everywhere?”

Eren could not speak as his throat clenched up with humiliation.

Levi inspected Eren’s face, from the flushed cheeks to the trembling lips, to the way his throat seemed to be stuck mid-swallow. “Have you had this naughty little dream often?”

Eren felt a thrill through his spine at those sensually insulting words. “Many times,” he confessed, thinking how this little interrogation was better than his dreams, far more thrilling.

Levi saw Eren’s tongue darted out for a quick lick to his lips. Was he hoping for a kiss? Such a needy little boy! He had to admit, the warmth radiating through the blankets, the compassion when his world had been cruel for so long, the sense of security when he had seen how obedience and hard work could not save a person’s life … he wanted this feeling, needed it, a craving for something, anything, when everything had been stolen from him: his dreams, his love, his dignity. He wanted more of this warmth, this magical depth he was slipping into.

Could he honestly love a man? As much as he wanted the feeling of warmth, did he want the man who gave it to him?

“Fuck. I don’t even know what I want anymore,” Levi whispered in confusion.

Smirking privately, Eren stated, “I know what I want.”

Such a bold statement fit a brash German soldier. “I’m sure you do.”

Eren chuckled softly, and the playful happiness in his eyes soothed Levi’s confusion. He touched Eren’s cheek, feeling the morning stubble, looking at the way Eren leaned into his hand.

Could he really love a man like this?

Suddenly, there were loud bangs on the wall down the hall. Ghostly gunshots went off in Levi’s head, and he yanked away. His hand clenched in his hair, trying to rip out the memories.

Eren also flinched at the sound, and his vision was filled with the sight of Abel’s glasses gazing at him, sad, scared, proud, surrendering to the inevitable with somber resignation. He felt the kick of the gun in his hands and saw a spray of blood.

They both sat up on the bed, facing opposite ways, both with nightmarish memories haunting them.

“Sorry,” Eren whispered to the phantom in his mind. “I’m so sorry.”

Levi was quicker at pulling out of the past. He shook his head and scratched over the indent in his finger where his wedding ring once was. It always brought him back. He realized Eren was breathing hard, still trapped in the horror. Slowly, he crawled around and took Eren’s hand. He flinched hard, his eyes hollow and shaking.

“It’s in the past. You are here with me now.”

“I did it. I killed him. I killed him!

Levi squeezed his trembling hands. “It’s in the past.”

“I hate myself,” he seethed.

Levi rubbed his hand, trying to pull him back. “You did what you had to. Remember what I said: have a goal and move onward. What is your goal?”

“I don’t even know,” he muttered. “I never want that to happen again, but it might. It might! What would I do then?” Eren ripped at his hair. “I hate that I don’t even know what I would do. I used to swear I’d never kill a civilian, but … I did. Verdammt, ich hasse mich! Ich hasse mich dafür, dass ich dir wehgetan und ihn getötet habe, und weil ich so ein verdammter Feigling bin.” Damn, I hate myself! I hate myself for hurting you and for killing him, and for being such a fucking coward.

“Seriously, do not speak German here,” Levi warned. He wrapped around Eren’s shoulders, hoping to hold in that rage. “I know you’re angry. This isn’t the sort of soldier you wanted to be. You’re not a killer like me. Deep down inside, you just want to protect all the people you care about. But you can’t blame yourself. This is war. It’s ugly. It’s wretched. Your goal is to somehow stay alive, and you did. You kept me alive too. That makes you a hero.”

“I’m no hero,” he grumbled.

“You’re alive. Find a goal. Think about it while we ride today, a goal to keep you going, to get you through this war. Then live for that goal.”

Eren finally raised his head and looked over at Levi. “What if my goal is to get morning kisses from you every day?”

Levi smirked at that optimistic dream, so typical of Eren. “If that gets you through things, go ahead and wish for that.”

“Would it be a possibility?” Eren asked with a coy smile.

Levi paused, his gaze drifted, and he muttered, “Let’s stay alive first.”

Eren chuckled to himself. It was not a no answer.

They got up and stretched out the sore muscles from yesterday. Eren changed the dressing on his wound, glad to see it was less swollen. He applied more medication and wrapped fresh bandages on. Levi checked the clothes and was glad to see they were dry and warm. He pulled on his worn trousers and stained shirt. He really wished they had time to wash the clothes. Then he handed Eren's civilian clothes over.

“I wish the boots were drier, but the clothes are good.”

Eren dressed, and Levi watched. Eren flinched as he pulled the trousers up over the bandages, and then he picked up the shirt and pulled it up over his arms.

“Ooh, nice and warm,” he said with a boyish grin.

Levi suddenly stepped forward and grabbed Eren by the shoulders. Eren jolted to a stop, wondering if something was wrong, especially the way Levi’s brow pinched.

“I removed this shirt. I’ll put it back on.”

Eren smiled in amusement at the determination in his voice. “Sure.” He let go of the shirt and let it hang from his shoulders.

Levi tugged the shirt all the way up. Then his fingers drifted over Eren’s collarbone, sending chills through his arms, and caressed down his bare chest. His face looked serious, like he was studying Eren, trying to figure him out, exploring with some personal goal, to traverse this new territory, inspect the terrain, and plot how to conquer it.

They heard noises in the kitchen, but Levi remained focused on his slow survey of Eren’s body. It was starting to make Eren’s breathing speed up and his heart race. As Levi touched a spot close to his nipple, Eren let out a tiny whimper.

“There we are,” Levi whispered to himself. His eyes slid up to Eren’s face. “A weakness.”

“Do you want to conquer me with that weakness?” Eren teasingly asked.

“I like to know my options.”

“Do you plan on invading?”

Levi leaned in close and whispered, “Perhaps a sneak attack at night.”

A thrilling chill sparked down to Eren’s groin. “Please let me kiss you.”

Just then, they heard someone enter the bathroom and shut the door a little loudly. Levi stepped back. “No.”

“Please!”

“Eren.” Levi put his hand on Eren’s head, petting him like calming down an excited dog. “It’s not safe.” He then stepped away. “Button your shirt up.”

“I thought you were going to.”

“Well, I’m not.”

He walked away and opened the door just as Flegel was leaving the bathroom. Eren sighed, left alone and flustered. Still, he smiled.

Ich mag es, wenn du mich neckst.” I like it when you tease me.

He finished dressing, and while he wanted to shave, he did not want to borrow someone else’s straight razor. Eren looked at the stubble in the mirror.

Maybe Levi liked the look.

Luckily, when they walked downstairs, the food was almost ready. Eren stepped outside to smoke while the rain had stopped. Levi went to check on the horse and feed her. Then they returned to a meal of eggs, toast, jam, and more bacon. Levi pushed aside his religious teachings. He would pray for forgiveness another day. For now, he had to survive.

He ate heartily and enjoyed a little tea the family provided. He made a face at the tea, but he was not going to complain. Eren again complimented the wife on her cooking, and she blushed as she privately ogled him.

Then it was time to go. Levi knelt by Lieke in her wheelchair and thanked her for letting him borrow her dress. He knew she understood his French when she burst out in a laugh; this time, he did not mind all too much. Eren gave the Reeves family a little money, insisting they take it for the food and shelter. They saddled the horse, mounted up, and with waves and calls of thanks, they left the house and the family.

“They were really nice,” Eren said with an optimistic smile.

“Because they didn’t know you’re with the group of people who murdered some of their neighbors when you took over their country.”

Eren frowned, but that was the truth. If the Reeves had known he was a German, he doubted he would have received such hospitality.

Levi said nothing as he rode behind Eren, holding on around his waist as the horse clomped down the dirt road. He heard chickens in the early morning countryside and dogs barking at one another. He was glad the rain had stopped, but it was still cold and the ground was muddy. As they reached the end of the village, he looked back and his eyes narrowed.

“They’re coming.”

Eren kept riding, determined to get out of the town first. He did not want any of the villagers to assume he was with the Germans.

Levi was right. Simply being what he was could be dangerous around here.

He went out of the village and paused under a large tree that helped to block the cold wind. He could still see the village, and he saw the German army coming up the main road, a hundred or so horses, three trucks, the proud Wehrmacht army leaving the lands they had bravely conquered.

What would the Reeves family think? Would they figure out Eren was part of them? Would they worry about his safety, believing that he was an American who might be overtaken by the Germans? Would the soldiers leave them alone, or loot the house for food?

He was glad when he saw they merely rode through town without stopping. He waved to the horses in the front, who cheered out for him.

Leutnant Jäger, you didn’t die!”

He laughed and trotted his horse through the column. He glanced back further and caught sight of Jean and Armin in the middle truck. He waved, and Armin excitedly waved back, seeming to be trying to signal him. Eren smiled, glad to see they were all right, but just then he came up to Kitz Woermann’s truck.

Heil Hitler!” Eren said, snapping his arm up. Levi glared to the side at seeing him do that. “Sorry if I ended up ahead of you.”

“We traveled too slowly yesterday. Luckily, Arlelt found us a village. We could have used that Jewish translator, though. There were some troubles convincing the locals to let us into their homes, but nothing a few bullets couldn’t solve.”

Eren felt his stomach surge. If he had gone back to the company last night, lives could have been saved. This was his fault. “I shall make sure he’s of better use tonight, Herr Hauptmann.”

Kitz glared back at Levi. “It didn’t run away.”

“I told you, he’s been well-trained, like a loyal dog.”

The captain merely huffed, and his hand drifted over to his pistol.

“Shall we ride faster today, Herr Hauptmann?”

His hand stopped as he focused back on Eren. “Yes, we must. We’re going to push all the way to Mondorf. Ride back only if you spot troops. Otherwise, stop there and scout it out for us.”

“Mondorf?” Eren pulled out his map. That city was not familiar. They were supposed to stop in Ettelbruck, north of Luxembourg City. He searched around and finally found the city on the map, all the way past Luxembourg and on the border with France. “Sir! That’s over a hundred kilometers. Our horses will never make it.”

“They will, and they must. Armin got some news on the radio.”

Just then, Armin came running between the horses and up to the truck still rolling by with Eren in a slow trot on his horse. “The Germans are evacuating Luxembourg City as we speak.”

“What?” Eren cried out in disbelief. They were running away without a fight?

“They expect the Americans will be there by tomorrow morning. I didn’t think the Americans would travel so fast. If we don’t push past and southward today, we may be completely cut off from Metz.”

“This is bad,” Eren muttered. “Horses don’t often do more than eighty kilometers in a day. This has got to be … a hundred?”

“Hundred and twenty kilometers,” Armin replied, also looking worried.

Kitz snapped at them both. “Forget the horses. They can rest when we get to Metz, or we can trade them out along the way.”

“If we’re to ride on, I need food and more supplies. Sir, allow me to ride back to my platoon’s truck before continuing onward.”

“Fine, fine, but make it quick. I want you up front. If we’re going to see more Americans, it’ll be as we approach Luxembourg City.”

Eren gave a sharp salute, arm straight out. Then he looked down at his comrade. “Armin.”

“I need to speak to the captain.”

He nodded in understanding. This new development threw all of Armin’s plans into disarray. Eren kicked the horse and tried to hurry back through the column of soldiers.

“So, what happened?” asked Levi.

Eren spoke in English but still kept his voice low. “They stopped in another village last night.” He did not want to mention that because Levi was not there to translate, people had died.

“It seems like there’s trouble.”

“I’ll explain later.”

As he got to the truck being driven by Jean, Eren saw the long-faced man already scowling.

“What are you doing back?” Jean snapped.

“If we’re traveling that far, I need supplies.” Eren hopped off the horse, but instantly his leg gave out from under him. He nearly collapsed, enough for his hand to hit the muddy road.

“Jäger!” Jean shouted.

Levi jolted. “Eren!” He jumped off the horse and instantly had Eren’s arm over his shoulder, supporting his full weight.

Eren sneered in pain. “Dammit! My leg.”

Jean yanked Eren onto the truck so he could sit. He also grabbed hold of the horse’s reins so it would follow along, driving the truck with one hand and guiding the horse with the other. Levi climbed onto the truck next to Eren, knelt by his side, and felt the leg.

“Drop your trousers. Let me see.”

Eren looked around at all the soldiers on horses riding along. “Here?” he whispered in humiliation.

“It’s not like they care. I want to check the dressing. Do you still have that medicine the Reeves gave you?”

Eren reached into a pocket and pulled out a tube of medicinal cream. Then he began to undo his belt. Jean glanced back, but as Eren lowered the civilian trousers, Jean saw the leg patched up with blood soaking through the bandage.

Sie sollten mit den anderen Verwundete im Sanitäts-Lastkraftwagen sein.” You should be in the medical truck with the other wounded.

Eren shot him a silencing glare. “Mir geht es gut, solange ich mein Bein nicht belaste.” I’m fine, so long as I don’t strain my leg.

Levi slowly undid the bloody bandage, and Eren hissed. “It’s healing, the redness has gone down, but I think you cracked open the scab.”

Jean asked, “Was sagt er?” What is he saying?

Eren smirked wryly. “Ich habe Brandwunden. Es muss amputiert werden.” I have gangrene. It must be amputated.

Mach keine Witze darüber.” Don’t joke about that. Jean reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle. “Catch!” He threw it at Eren, who barely managed to grab it. “The medics were handing this out to everyone. Officers are supposed to hold onto the bottle. I have another with me in case the men need more, but frankly, I don’t want to hand it out too much. This stuff is strong. You hold onto that one.”

Eren looked at the label. “Pervitin. I remember taking this in Anzio. Couldn’t sleep for days.”

“Yeah, well, we’re going to need it.”

“This stuff is addictive, you know,” Eren said as he shook out a white tablet.

“I’m sure it is, but it’s more effective than coffee. Right now, we need to push forward.” He looked over at the horse he was guiding along. “Poor things. They’re the ones who really need some drugs. They’ll all be half dead by the time we reach Metz.”

“Maybe you can take care of them once we’re there. It’ll give you something to do while we wait to be surrounded by Americans.” He took a nearby canteen and swallowed the pill.

Jean sneered as he kept his eyes on the narrow forest road. “Metz! It’s going to be another Anzio, isn’t it?”

“Probably worse,” Eren muttered. “We handled Anzio, we’ll handle this.”

“If we can get there.”

The truck hit a large bump in the road, jostling them hard to the side. Eren hit his head against a box of supplies, and Levi fell forward, landing on Eren’s chest. Jean let go of the horse, grabbed the wheel with both hands, and steadied the truck.

“What the hell was that?” he shouted.

From a horse up ahead, someone shouted. “Hey, did anyone see my helmet?”

Jean screamed, “I just crushed it with the truck, you moron! Keep it on your head or I’ll whack you silly with it.” Then he grumbled under his breath. “Seems the pills are kicking in. They’re already acting like hyperactive dogs.”

Meanwhile, Levi was on top of Eren, who had instinctively grabbed around Levi to protect him. They stared into each other’s faces, their noses so close. Their eyes lingered, but as Jean regained control of the truck and grabbed up the reins of the horse, they pulled apart. Levi got right back to bandaging the leg, trying to pretend nothing had happened.

Jean glanced back. “Are you two okay back there?”

“We’re fine,” Eren grumbled.

Jean saw Levi applying antibiotic cream to the wound. “He’s been helping a lot, hasn’t he?”

“Yes,” Eren said softly, gazing at Levi hard at work, tending to him. His chest still felt warm from Levi landing on top of him.

Jean kept his voice low. “Are you going to let him go?”

Eren stiffened and glanced around at the other soldiers riding nearby. “Of course not! You heard the captain. We keep him alive to be a useful tool until we reach Metz, and then he dies. He’s a Jew, after all.” Coldly, Eren stated, “Alle Juden müssen sterben.” All Jews must die.

Jean glanced back and saw the distant, hollow stare. “I know you.”

“You should also know to shut up!”

“I’m just saying, if you want some help when the time comes to eliminate him…” Jean paused and muttered. “I can help you make him disappear.”

Eren looked over at him in shock. Jean had a reluctant but passive smile, nodding his head to show Eren he meant precisely what it sounded like.

When the time came for Levi to escape, he would help.

Levi finished with the bandage, and Eren pulled his trousers back up. He stood slowly, walked over to the edge of the truck, and used it to climb onto the horse easier.

“Levi,” he said, just as the Jew was about to also climb onto the saddle. “There are boxes of food under the truck seat. Get four.”

He nodded and dug out the army rations. Eren kept the horse strolling at the same pace as the truck as Levi stashed away the food.

“Money too. My pack is to the far left. There’s a … Blechdose … little box, metal, money is inside. Take it all.”

Levi found Eren’s pack and dug through the clothes, gear, and other items crammed inside. He found the tin can with a latched lid and a swastika on the top.

“We are not taking the box,” he said, opening the latch and pulling out the German bills inside. “We already got in trouble once for a swastika. Having a stack of Reichsmarks is bad enough.”

“The money is just in case. I gave the Reeves all I had on me.”

Levi tucked the bills into the saddle bag. Then he hopped from the truck onto the horse and held onto Eren as he adjusted his seat.

Eren turned to Jean. “Ich sehe dich dann wohl später.” I guess I’ll see you later.

Sei vorsichtig da draußen, ja?” Be careful out there, yeah?

Eren gave a nod and trotted faster, pulling ahead. He saw Armin, still talking to Kitz, pointing out things on the map. Eren saluted the captain as he caught up.

“I’ll be on my way, Herr Hauptmann.”

“Very good. Remember, return at once if you see the enemy. Arlelt can swerve us as far north or east as we must go, but keep Mondorf as your destination goal. Have you had any Pervitin?”

“I have a bottle. I took one while I was getting my supplies.”

“Take another if you need it, but remember, don’t take too many. I’ve seen men do some crazy things while on those pills. Keep riding, and don’t stop unless you cross the enemy.”

Jawohl!” He snapped a salute, then cracked the reins to get the horse to trot.

Eren rode past the company and headed out into the open road. He put some distance between himself and the Germans, bouncing along at a fast trot.

Levi let out a sigh, loosening up now that they were not surrounded by German soldiers all glaring at him. “So, what’s the plan?”

“We’re to push ahead as far as we can. Just a warning it’s going to be a very long ride and a trot the whole way. I hope the horse rested well.” He smiled back at Levi. “I hope you did too.”

Levi scoffed and turned his gaze aside. “Who can sleep with a heavy arm on top of them?”

“Was I an annoyance?”

“Yes,” he said coldly.

Eren looked aside with regret. “Were you unable to sleep because of me?”

Levi wanted to tease him more, but he realized Eren was taking this personally. He really did sound sad at the idea of keeping Levi awake. He sighed and shook his head. “I haven’t slept that well in a long time.”

Eren instantly perked up, and Levi rolled his eyes at the boyish smile.

“Seriously, don’t look so happy.”

They rode on through the morning, crossing the Belgian countryside with alternating forests and farmlands. Though it was not raining, the wind was still chilly. Levi pulled the blanket closer around him.

“Lean in, if it keeps you warm,” Eren suggested.

Levi scoffed. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Maybe,” Eren said with a smile.

Levi hesitated, but he did lean a little closer, resting his cheek on Eren’s back as he looked out over the idyllic countryside.

They rode for hours, only stopping to run into the woods to relieve nature. Levi grumbled that the rich foods from last night rushed right through his gut, but Eren did not mind that every time Levi returned to the horse, he leaned in a little bit closer for warmth.

The only thing that annoyed Levi was Eren’s twitching. He tapped his hands on his leg, looked like he wanted to dance to some music in his head, and even began to hum a song.

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Are you all right?”

“The pill is working,” he said with a laughing smile as he felt the medicine taking away pain and fatigue. “You should try one.”

“I’ll pass,” Levi muttered.

“We call it Panzerschokolade, because it makes you feel as strong as a panzer. That’s a tank, in English.”

“I know what a panzer is,” Levi grumbled.

“I want to walk!”

“Don’t you dare walk on that leg.”

Ignoring him, Eren jumped off the horse and began to walk rapidly down the road. Surprisingly, he did not limp and seemed to not be in pain.

“Idiot.” Levi muttered. He slid up on the saddle and took the reins. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“I don’t hurt at all.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Levi grumbled. “If I see blood on your trousers, I will bind and gag you and throw you over this saddle.”

Ich fühle mich unglaublich, kraftvoll.” I feel incredible, powerful.

“What are you saying?”

Ich könnte den ganzen Tag laufen.” I could run all day.

“If you’re not going to speak in English, I won’t bother talking to you.”

“No, I want you to talk to me. You have a sexy voice.”

Levi’s mouth dropped. “What?”

Es macht mich an. In meinen Träumen du schmutzige Sachen sagst. Du gibst mir einen Ständer, bis ich dich mit meinem Schwanz zum Schweigen bringen will.” It turns me on. In my dreams, you say dirty things to me. You give me a boner, until I want to shut you up with my dick.

“God, I don’t think I even want to know what you’re saying anymore.”

They continued, with Eren sometimes running ahead in a burst of energy, then slowing until Levi and the horse caught up, and then racing again. Levi frowned at the effects. While he was glad Eren was not in pain, he feared that the exertion would permanently damage his leg. He almost wanted to demand that Eren ride on the horse, except he worried that he would try to whip the poor thing into a gallop.

Ich muss mal.” I need to pee. Eren suddenly opened his trousers and began to urinate right in the middle of the road.

Levi sneered and looked aside. “Seriously, whatever that pill was, never take it again.”

“Pervitin. They gave it to us a lot in Anzio. We managed to fight many days without sleep. Lost a lot of weight, though.” Eren zipped his trousers back up, and suddenly he leaped onto the horse.

“Careful!” Levi shouted.

Eren grabbed the reins out of Levi’s hands, gave them a snap with a shout, and the horse bolted into a gallop.

“Whoa! What the hell!” Levi yanked the reins out of Eren’s hands and slowed the horse down. “Don’t make her go too fast. I saw the map. Mondorf is a long way off.”

“I feel like racing,” Eren said enthusiastically.

“Racing?” Levi shouted. This had to be the drugs making Eren wild and not thinking clearly.

As if to prove his suspicions, Eren grabbed around Levi and nestled his mouth near his neck. “If I can’t race the horse, can I touch you?”

Levi growled in frustration, but he definitely did not want Eren to mindlessly kill the horse. Plus the kisses to his neck sent chills through his spine.

“Last night was a dream come true.”

Levi rolled his eyes as heat came to his cheeks. “My God, if anyone heard you talking, we’d be shot.”

Eren’s mouth went right up behind Levi’s ear. “I wanted to do so much more.” His hands slipped around and rubbed along Levi’s straddled thighs. “I wanted you to touch me more.”

“Shit!” He slapped the hands away. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Eren’s voice was husky now. “Your legs are sensitive. Why?”

“I don’t know why; they just are, so stop.”

His hands went up to Levi’s stomach instead. “How about here?” One hand slid down past Levi’s belt.

Levi grabbed Eren’s wrist in a crushing grip. “I will fucking throw you off the horse.”

Eren pouted. “Do you not want it?”

“I can barely tolerate you kissing me.”

Eren looked hurt by that, and his head turned away with a churlish pout. Levi sighed at seeing him heartbroken.

“Look, I’m honored by your feelings, but I still don’t know about this. I’m trying to figure this all out.”

“You almost touched me like that yesterday.”

Levi scowled as his face heated up. “Yes, and it was stupid.”

“Why stupid?”

“Because you’re a man.”

“Does that matter?”

“Of course it does!” He glared forward at the road and grumbled, “And you’re a Nazi.”

Eren was quiet for a few minutes as the horse clomped onward. Levi began to wish he had not said that last part. He knew Eren was slowly starting to realize that the ideology the Nazi Party promoted was reprehensible. Calling him a Nazi was not really fair. Still, it was a fact that troubled Levi.

Even if Eren disagreed with the Nazis, he still fought for them.

After about ten minutes, Levi felt Eren nuzzling his neck again.

“Would you want me if I wasn’t a Nazi? Is that why you touched me like that? Because I was out of uniform?”

Levi wondered that himself. He really had felt differently, seeing Eren all day dressed as a civilian and not a soldier. “I don’t know,” he whispered.

Eren nipped the back of his ear. “I want you to treat me as a normal person.”

“I’m trying,” he said with a furrowed brow. “I’m still figuring this out.”

“What’s to figure out?”

“If I want to touch a man.”

Eren pulled back. “Should I stop?”

Yes! His brain screamed at him to say yes, to stop this at once, it was so immensely dangerous. Yet without those lips, his neck felt cold.

“I … don’t mind this much.”

“You don’t know if you want to touch me, but you’re okay with me touching you?”

Levi wondered, was that it? He heard Eren chuckle as his arms squeezed in a protective embrace.

“I can live with that,” he whispered, and he kept on kissing Levi’s neck and shoulders.

Levi squeezed the reins, angry that he had not done the smart thing, but instead allowed Eren to continue, and worse, it was making him want to smile.

They rode on with Eren’s weight on his shoulders, sometimes kissing, sometimes just holding him and making cute, contented little sighs. It was a little uncomfortable—Levi wondered if he was this annoying when he rested on Eren’s back—but he also liked how it warmed him up.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Eren muttered, his mouth so close to Levi’s ear, the air tickled.

Levi struggled not to shiver. “You should be honored that I haven’t slit your throat and run off.”

Eren chuckled at the empty threat and gave him a tiny peck at the hairline. “Is it bad of me, wanting to let you go, but wanting to hold on?” His arms tightened around Levi’s waist, clutching him covetously.

“Of course it’s bad. You shouldn’t act like you want me in public.”

Eren leaned right up into his ear. “What about in private?”

Levi gulped and said nothing.

“I wanted you so much last night.” His hands drifted up to Levi’s chest. “You touched me here, took my shirt off, undressed me. I’ve never had someone make me so … so … spitz. Heiß. Du machst mich so geil.

“What does all that mean?”

Eren’s voice went into a whisper. “You make me hard. Hot.” Both hands clutched Levi’s thighs, and Eren slid up with a thrust behind him. “I want you more and more each day,” he purred sensually. “It’s making me blocked up.”

“Blocked up?” What did Eren mean by that? Constipated?

“You know, blocked up. Samenstau. Needing to let it out.”

“Let what out?”

Eren breathed hotly into his ear. “Here.” His hand stroked over Levi’s crotch.

He slapped Eren’s hand away. “I told you, no!”

“It gets blocked up, hard, until I need to let it all out.”

“Oh shit!” Levi hissed.

He got it now, and his face burned red. His eyes flicked around the countryside, fearing that someone might see them and the way Eren was fondling him, with his hands passionately caressing along Levi’s thighs and chest and his lips making small popping kisses along the back of his neck.

“You … You should stop,” Levi warned with fire in his cheeks.

Eren’s lips fluttered on the back of his ear. “I don’t want to.”

“Eren!”

Now Eren was openly kissing along Levi’s earlobe and gave it a tiny bite.

“Sh-Shit! Stop that.”

Ich möchte dich berühren, deine Haut spüren...” I want to touch you, smell your skin.

Levi felt Eren’s nose rubbing on his neck, sniffing, while his lips gave more small kisses.

Ich möchte jeden Zentimeter deines Körpers küssen, bis es dir auf meinen Gesicht kommt.” I want to kiss every centimeter of your body until you come on my face.

Levi gritted his teeth against the pleasure. “Eren … stop.”

Eren hissed in frustration. “Mein Schwanz ist hart und er will kommen.

Suddenly, Eren jumped off the horse and began to walk off the road, stomping across the early autumn fields. Levi watched him with caution, suddenly feeling cold without that smothering heat on his back.

“Oy! What are you doing?”

“I need to let it out.”

“You gotta pee?”

“No.” He unzipped his trousers, and although facing away, Levi saw Eren making jerking motions.

“Bloody hell, you’ve got to be kidding me!” Levi looked away, not about to watch this.

“I told you. Samenstau. Ich muss zu wichsen.” Blue balls. I need to jerk off.

This was definitely the drugs. Whatever that pill was, it was causing all of this. Although this was immensely awkward, Levi reasoned that if Eren got that lust out of his system, maybe he would calm down.

Eren moaned, “It’s so hot from being pressed against you. Du machst meinen Schwanz so hart.” You make my cock so hard.

Levi slammed his eyes shut and covered his ears. He definitely did not want to listen to Eren panting.

Only, Levi slowly uncovered his ears, and his face surreptitiously turned back around. Eren was openly groaning in pleasure as his hand stroked with rapid jerks.

If they wanted this relationship to continue, one day he would be expected to pleasure Eren like that.

And Eren would pleasure him. Just like that, with a strong hand stroking him. The thought made Levi bite his lip, and he glanced a little lower. He could not see Eren’s front, but he still saw, from the movements of his wrist, he was rather long.

Although he understood none of the German, and Eren was most speaking in German now, he could tell from just the tone, it was dirty talk. Did Eren talk like that normally, or was this purely the drug? Levi could not really imagine him as a naughty boy like that, although it was a bit hot.

Dammit, why am I thinking that?

After just a couple of minutes, he could tell Eren was close, so he looked away again. He could hear it, though—the euphoric groan of release and something wet hitting the grass below. He kept his head turned aside, trying to convince his cock to stop twitching and calm back down.

Ich fühle mich jetzt besser.” I feel better now.

“Are you done?” Levi growled, still trying to force his body to relax.

Ja. You just made me so hard, I couldn’t keep it in.”

Levi shook his head. It was the drugs, that was all. Still, if he was this open and careless with a single pill, Levi feared how Eren might act when they stopped for the night.

Eren went back to walking, with Levi following on the horse. The young lieutenant had a lightness to his steps, rosiness to his cheeks, and boundless energy. Levi had no idea how many kilometers they went, but Eren showed no fatigue as he walked on and on, for hours, until the awkwardness and heated touches were long cold.

The horse whinnied, and Levi realized there was foam on her mouth.

“We’ve been going nonstop for a while. The horse needs water. The next river we pass, we should stop.”

“We can’t stop,” Eren said, focused down the road.

“You can keep walking if you want, but the horse needs to drink.” He shifted on the saddle. “And I need to stretch my legs.” He looked at Eren. “Have you even eaten yet? We never stopped for lunch.”

“Not hungry,” he said brusquely.

“You should eat. You packed some food…”

“I said I’m not hungry.”

Levi sighed and climbed off the horse, needing to stretch his legs. Since it was not raining, he draped the blanket over the saddle so he did not have to hold onto that, and he led the horse by the reins as he tried to keep up with Eren’s pace. Levi was surprised just how fast Eren was walking, and he had been keeping this pace for hours now.

“Look, you’re going to hurt your leg. Why don’t you ride until we get to the next river? We can afford a little break, let the horse graze, and have some food. You need to eat.”

“I feel fine. I feel totally fine. Ich fühle mich großartig. Fabelhaft.” I feel great. Fabulous.

Levi sighed. “Do you even know what language you’re speaking anymore?”

Meine Sinne rasten. Everything. Everything is so clear, so fast. Ich kann alles sehen.” I can see everything.

Levi shook his head. Then he noticed blood spreading on the gray trousers. “Eren, seriously, get on the horse.”

“Yes, horse. Ich will reiten gehen.” I want to go horse riding.

Eren swiftly mounted the saddle and took the reins. Then he kicked his heels, shouted, and snapped the reins. “Yaw! Yaw!”

Levi watched in shock as the horse bolted off down the road. “Shit. Eren!”

He ran after them. His legs hurt from almost two days in a saddle, his butt ached from the hard leather seat, yet he ran as swiftly as he could, following the muddy hoof prints in the road.

“Eren, you bastard.” He slowed down as he saw the horse pulling away, getting smaller and smaller. “Fine! You know what? Fuck this. If you’re going to take off, I’m leaving. I’m gonna get the hell out of here before I get killed. Bloody drugged-up Nazi!”

He looked around. He had no map, no food, and no money. He did not even have the blanket anymore to keep himself warm. Levi sighed and shook his head. He had no idea where he was, and he could not simply turn back around on the road or he would run into the Germans. He continued onward, figuring he could lie low in the next town and wait for the army to pass him by.

“Well, I wanted to escape the Nazis,” he mumbled to himself. “Seems the Nazis escaped me.”

He stared down the long, muddy road, expecting the horse to turn back around at any minute, but as an hour passed and there was no sign other than the trail of hoof prints, Levi realized he really was alone now.

“Dammit, Eren,” he whispered, feeling a sense of loneliness he had not known in many years.

# # #

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The Nazi Wonder Drug

Pervitin was Nazi Germany's performance-enhancing wonder drug. Originally, it was meant to give people a little more energy and mental clarity. It was used for obesity, ADHD, depression, and it grew popular with factory workers, medical students, menopausal women, and people with chronic fatigue.

When Hitler told his generals about his plan to blitzkrieg across Europe, they warned him that what he wanted was impossible. Soldiers could only march so many kilometers a day, and they needed time to sleep. A continuous blitzkrieg across hundreds of kilometers for days on end was just not humanly possible. However, Hitler believed Aryans were not just humans: they were supermen! Sometimes, a superman needed a super drug.

The German high command recommended giving Pervitin to soldiers. Medical research showed it stimulated the central nervous system, releasing copious amounts of dopamine that gives the user a prolonged euphoric high. It increased alertness, concentration, improved self-confidence, all while removing fatigue and pain. Soldiers became bolder, fearless, and they followed suicidal commands without hesitation, feeling invincible. As a bonus, it reduce their need for food and sleep.

It was first tested in the invasion of Poland, and seeing the glowingly positive results, the generals agreed to use Pervitin in the blitz across France. In April and May of 1940, 35 million tablets were shipped to German troops. In panzer units, soldiers were required to take one or two pills every day. Those who took Pervitin stayed awake for up to three days at a time, walked for a hundred kilometers without resting, and felt no pain, thirst, or hunger. With this "wonder drug," Germany managed to defeat the Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and France in just six weeks.

Soldiers grew to love the effects and asked for more, and more, and more. They called it Hermann-Göring-Pillen (after Hermann Göring) or Panzerschokolade (tank chocolate) as it made the person feel stronger than a tank. It is also a strong aphrodisiac, and this led to many German troops raping women and men in a drug-fueled euphoria.

However, Pervitin was not without crippling side effects. Soldiers rapidly lost weight. If they could not get their pills, they became unable to think, had chest pains, nausea, and as the reality of what they had seen and done in battle crashed in on them, some became depressed to the point of suicide. When they were on the pills, they fought fearlessly but recklessly, acting like zombies rather than proud warriors. Overdosing, which happened frequently, led to violent paranoia, rapid mood swings, hallucinations, seizures, cerebral hemorrhaging, and psychosis. There were reports of soldiers attacking officers whom they felt were hording the Pervitin.

In 1941, Leo Conti, the Nazi Reich Health Leader, finally heard enough bad things about the results of prolonged usage and proof of intense addiction. He categorized Pervitin underneath the Reich opium law, officially making it illegal. That was a futile move, though. Rather than decreasing supplies, the Nazis increased shipments to troops. Especially as Germany invaded Russia, the need for a drug that would keep soldiers energized, focused, and obedient outweighed what this might do to them after weeks or even months of taking it. However, in areas where there was no conflict, soldiers were slowly weened off their supply.

In the public sector, Pervitin was still allowed with a physician's prescription, and such a prescription was easy to get. Simply say, "I want to be more industrious for the betterment of Germany and need something to give me more energy," and a doctor happily handed over a bottle of pills. When soldiers could not get their pills, they wrote home, begging family to send them bottles of Pervitin.

After the war, Pervitin remained easily accessible, both on the black market and as a prescription drug. Former soldiers desperately sought it out to deal with the depression and post-traumatic stress. They had become addicted, and some remained addicts for life. It continued to be popular with students into the 1980s, when both East and West Germany banned it.

Pervitin was made from methamphetamine hydrochloride, which we know of today as crystal meth.

 



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