Feel You Near

BY : L Lawliet
Category: Death Note > General
Dragon prints: 1742
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Not Near Enough

Mello pulled a face. He wasn't instrumental in the wrapping up of the case. Neither was Near, so that was all right.

The latest they'd heard was that Mikami was doing fine in the hospital's psych ward. He would, without the Death Note Yagami had sent him he'd never been anything but a slightly odd yet law-abiding prosecuter.

Mello grimaced. He had actually liked Mikami. In a way. At least he wouldn't be killed, and if he didn't act up, he would be treated decently. Mello would never visit him though.

He looked at Near, who seemed calm at first glance, but was more agitated for some reason now that the case was closed.

Yagami was dead. Amane, that silly girl, had jumped from a bridge in full gosu rori kit, leaving behind a melodramatic suicide note, written in verse. And Takada had thrown a fit and had then tried to cut her wrists. Cross-wise. So much for being Yagami's more 'intelligent' woman. Mello grinned. She was with the police now. Unlike Mikami, she wasn't obviously insane and would probably be too proud to plead insanity.

He dropped down on the floor, next to Near, who was for some reason not concentrating on his toys. He picked them up, fondled them, put them down somewhere else, and was twirling his hair as if his life depended on it. His eyes were restless.

"What's up?" Mello asked. "There's no Kira left."

"I know," Near said, dropped his Rester doll, and bit his lip.

Mello picked up his own doll from among Near's collection. "This really isn't flattering."

"I like it," Near said.

There was something off about Near. Mello knew that if he was going to harass him a little, now was the time. He could , but there wasn't much sport in that, and he would be able to harass him more effectively if he found out what was bothering Near first.

"For how long have you been awake?"

"Thirty seven hours."

Mello nodded. About the same as he had been. But lack of sleep alone was not enough for Near to act like this.

"You're leaving?" Near asked.

Mello thought he had misheard. There had been something... not quite shrill about the question. "Yeah."

"Why?" Near asked, very softly.

"Because it's over."

"I needed you... to do it."

"... You could have done it by yourself. I would have been dead, probably, but you'd have done it," Mello said, nodding to himself. There would be no more Kira, but there would be a next time.

"You said you'd wait for me. For what?"

"To show you I'm better," Mello said, wondering what they were talking about, why Near brought that up again. "But I'm not. Yet. You're still the second L. I lost. For now."

"We're the second L together."

"That was a nice touch when you were jerking Yagami around, but I'm not buying it." Mello had enjoyed Near being mean to Yagami, Near had cornered him, and played with him like a cat with a wounded mouse. It was the first time Mello had witnessed that--Near had it in him.

"What's so bad about me waiting for you?"

There it was again, that shrillness, and Mello was following less and less. And now--fuck, was Near about to cry? His large, dark eyes were focused on the floor, but they were looking at nothing, swimming.

Mello looked around for Rester, Near's baby sitter, to tell him to bring him to bed and tuck him in, but he'd just left the room. His scar itched, but he hated touching it. What he hated even more was that somehow he was about to make Near cry without having tried. He had no clue why, so he didn't feel victorious, only weirded out.

He got up without a word, and walked out of the room, to the improvised bedroom where he kept his sparse belongings. Mello had almost finished packing when he saw Near come in.

Or sneak in, he was in socks, and moved stealthily, softly, as if he knew Mello didn't want him there. He closed the door behind him, and Mello wondered why he did that for. Now his underlings might not notice if Mello tried to do something to him.

None of Near's co-workers trusted Mello, and he liked it that way, he liked to keep them alert.

"You're leaving," Near said, and sat down on Mello's bed.

"You need to go to bed, Near, you're none too sharp when you haven't slept." Mello put on his coat.

"Will you do one thing for me before you leave?"

"Like what? Die? I'm sorry, but I intend to keep challenging you." Mello picked up his bag and turned around. He saw that Near was really crying. "What?"

Near mumbled something.

Mello sighed, and wondered why Near couldn't have a nervous breakdown somewhere else.

"I didn't hear you. My left ear--"

Near wiped his eyes on his sleeves, sniffed, and looked up. "Make love to me," he said, clearly now.

"Love, huh?" Mello asked.

Near nodded.

Mello squatted down. "Why?"

"You know very well why."

He sounded angry now. Mello grinned, which made Near frown. He could do it, of course, it was a small favour. He knew he owed Near his life, and perhaps Matt's life. Matt was out who knows where, probably partying his heart out.

"All right. Let's say I know very well why," Mello said, aping Near's tone, "why do you think I would want to?"

"Because you always singled me out." Near said.

"I did."

"You wanted something from me."

"I wanted a shrimp like you to stop beating me."

"But you never really hurt me, even though you could have," Near said.

"It was enough for me to have you know that I could hurt you," Mello countered. It felt weird to him that he still could, now Near had shown him another way.

"And you never let anyone else hurt me either."

Mello blanched. How did he know that? He'd beaten up a few of the other boys who thought he was 'so cool' and who wanted to be just like him, and an easy way to do that was to plan to do something nasty to Near. Matt, who didn't care either way, had informed him the first two times, and Mello had justified it to himself by thinking that he loathed copycats. He'd not done it for Near, he'd done it for himself, because he couldn't stand the thought of anyone else laying hand on him, because Near was his.

Near was his.

Mello laughed. Outsmarted again.

He approached the bed, and put his head face-down in Near's lap, surprising him.

And surprising himself. If felt better than anything ever had. He breathed in Near's scent through his thin trousers, and went limp, it felt so good. Of all of the physical gratification he'd got in his life, this was the best, and that, he told himself, was as ridiculous as it was true.

He pulled himself away.

Near was still twirling his hair, but not casually. His grip on the lock was so tight it looked as if he was going to pull his hair out. And the hold he had on the robot on his other hand was so firm his veins were showing.

Mello took off his coat and dropped it on the floor. He sat down next to Near on the bed, and said, "Let go of your hair."

He took hold of Near's hand and brought them to his own hair.

"Don't pull it," he warned. He pried Near's other hand away from the robot, put it aside, and then put the hand on his shoulder.

He leaned back and lay down, pulling Near down next to him, arms around him.

They stayed like that for a while, Near gently twirling a lock of Mello's hair, until Near asked, "When are we going to make love?"

"After you stop shivering. After we catch up on some sleep."

"You won't go away?"

"I suppose. You could have told me a lot earlier that you need me, you know." He meant in private, Near had already told him he needed him when he came for his photo, had begged him really, but Mello thought it was only because of the case.

"I thought you were smart enough to know that," Near said, sounding disappointed.

"Don't assume anything about me, okay? Now shut up, and sleep."


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