Illuminating the Darkness

BY : LucyMay
Category: Descendents of Darkness/Yami No Matsuei > General
Dragon prints: 2632
Disclaimer: I do not own Descendants of Darkness (Yami no Matsuei), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Hisoka sat and watched in shock as Tsuzuki wordlessly walked to the corner of the room and picked up the small flower head, his back to Hisoka and expression unreadable.

“What is it, Tsuzuki?” Hisoka asked. Tsuzuki turned to him, with a lost, confused look.

“I don't know what it means,” Tsuzuki said softly, sounding as much as though he were talking to himself as responding. His brow creased with concentration. “Hisoka, this presence, or whatever it is that you've been seeing, do you think it means harm? Do -- do you think that it's evil?”

“I really couldn't say for sure, Tsuzuki,” Hisoka said uncertainly, studying the face of his lover. He could have sworn he felt a slight shift in Tsuzuki's tense state of mind, one that could be interpreted as relief, but the man was far too guarded to read accurately.

“I'm not certain that's good enough,” Tsuzuki said at last after a moment of thought, shaking his head.

“Tsuzuki, do you know something about this?” Hisoka asked, holding his breath in case he'd tread into forbidden territory yet again. Tsuzuki looked at him with a pained expression upon hearing the unusual timidity that had bled into Hisoka's tone.

“I'm starting to think that I really don't know anything anymore,” Tsuzuki said, looking away. “Least of all myself.”

Hisoka pulled his knees to his chest, held in suspense as to what unpredictable mood swing would strike his partner next. When Tsuzuki looked at him at last, his face looked clouded with shame.

“I do know that you deserve better than what I'm putting you through. you deserve someone whole, someone stronger --” Tsuzuki whispered, dropping the rosebud to the carpet.

Something in Hisoka broke at that moment, making him feel like he had been here before. He stared at the haunted, unfocused eyes that would not quite meet his gaze and shuddered, a memory of flames and hopelessness flashing through his mind.Hisoka stood and crossed the room, leaning against him and turning his face to look at him.

“Then you're just going to have to get stronger then, baka, because I'm not going to leave you behind,” Hisoka said, his gaze steady.

Tsuzuki smiled at him sadly.

“I don't deserve --”

“Don't start that crap,” Hisoka said sternly, shaking his head, his fingers still holding Tsuzuki's face firmly in his direction. “I'm not here out of pity. I'm here because I don't want to be anywhere else.”

“Hisoka --” Tsuzuki said tenderly.

“But that doesn't mean that I'm just going to sit back and watch you pity yourself,” Hisoka said. Tsuzuki's eyes widened slightly, and Hisoka fought his feeble attempt to look away.

“No,” Hisoka said. “You're not closing up on me right now. I'm tired of this. Tell me what the hell is going on.”

Tsuzuki's eyes flickered with an unfamiliar gleam, and he gave a bitter laugh that chilled Hisoka to the bone.

“And you think that I'm not closed up right now?” Tsuzuki asked mockingly.

Hisoka flinched, dropping his hand and allowing Tsuzuki to step away from him. He felt overcome with vertigo, as he was hit with a wave of thoughts and feelings that he didn't understand. Clutching his head in pain, he fell to his knees, before the emotional storm cleared as suddenly as it had begun. He looked up weakly from where he had collapsed on his side, and barely registered the arms surrounding him as he slipped out of consciousness.

xxx

Hisoka did not know how much time had passed when he finally opened his eyes, peering blearily around the darkened room. He jumped up from the bed, where he found that he'd been placed, his heart pounding madly as he caught movement from the corner of the room. It was Tsuzuki.

He slowly crawled off the bed to where he found the older shinigami crouched in the floor, rocking back and forth as if he had gone mad.

“Tsuzuki?” Hisoka whispered. Tsuzuki looked up at him with anguish, his arms moving as though he wanted to reach for him and thought better of it, letting them instead slump to his sides.

“What have I done?” Tsuzuki asked mournfully. Hisoka sank to his knees beside him, keeping his distance.

“I -- I don't know, Tsuzuki. It was like you were not yourself,” Hisoka answered. Tsuzuki stared at him with a terrified look.

“But what if I was myself? What if that is what I really am?” Tsuzuki asked in a broken voice.

“It's not. It can't be,” Hisoka said.

“But how do you know?” Tsuzuki asked, searching his face with a desperation that made Hisoka's heart ache.

“I -- I just know,” Hisoka said. “You would never hurt me.”

Tsuzuki's face darkened grimly, his hands balling into fists as he shut his eyes tightly.

“That's what they thought, too. All they did was love me, and I destroyed them,” Tsuzuki moaned, cramming his hands into his eyes and shaking.

“Who are you talking about, Tsuzuki?” Hisoka asked, but received no answer.

“Do you understand now what I'm trying to protect you from?” Tsuzuki demanded, lowering his hands and giving him a pleading look.

“No,” Hisoka said softly. “I don't understand anything, because you won't tell me.”

Tsuzuki fell silent, lost in thought. Cousa ventured out cautiously from where she had been hiding beneath the bed, and Hisoka scooped her into his lap gratefully, trying to find some comfort in stroking the kitten and feeling her little heart pound quickly against his leg.

“Hisoka,” Tsuzuki said at last. “I -- I think I owe it to us both to find out what is in those files.”

“Tsuzuki,” Hisoka said, looking up hopefully.

“Something is happening to me, and I don't understand what it is, or how safe it will be to be around me --” Tsuzuki began.

“You're not going to get any better if we just ignore the only thing we have to go on,” Hisoka interjected.

“We're not just going to be pissing off Konoe here. We could get fired or worse --”

“What are they going to do, kill us?” Hisoka asked in exasperation.

“The thought has crossed my mind. You don't know --” Tsuzuki said severely, shaking his head.

“And I never will if we stay here,” Hisoka said.

“You're the most stubborn person I've ever met,” Tsuzuki said.

“Thank you. Now let's go,” Hisoka said and stood.



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