It Was Never A Love Story

BY : Evermist
Category: Death Note > General
Dragon prints: 2749
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, and I'm not making any money off this fic.

Another pre-chapter note, guys! I have replaced :scenechangescenechange: with o0O0o0O0o, and will edit past chapters to match. Also, another new way of talking! Through camera-feeds or monitors, speech will be bold, okay? Good. Read on!

April 27 2005

Matt sighed, flopping onto a couch. ‘I am so bored,’ he thought, staring across the room at Light. The older teen was arguing quietly with L about something, but he couldn’t tell what. Learning to speak Japanese was hard enough; the gamer didn’t think he’d ever learn to read lips in the language. Plus, what little he could hear of them didn’t sound like it was Japanese; more like German or something. ‘They must really not want anyone to know what they’re talking about.’

The redhead considered pulling out his Japanese book for a moment before deciding he’d rather not learn anything new today, and pulling a slightly battered-looking black GameBoy Advance from his pocket. He plugged a pair of bright orange ear buds into the headphone jack, sticking the plastic buds into his ears and turning on the GameBoy. As the familiar music of Tetris flowed into his ears, Matt grinned at the joy he got from finding a game he could play one-handed. It was easier to play with his left hand than his right, anyway, so he guessed he should be a little grateful to Mello for leaving his dominant hand alone.

After only a few minutes of playing, Matt found he had a spectator, and glanced up for less than a second before returning his attention to the falling blocks on his screen. Due to his lack of bothering to actually learn their language, Matt hadn’t quite been able to figure out anyone’s names yet, and so merely remembered who was who by what seemed to be their most dominant trait around the rest of the force. His watcher seemed to get himself into trouble with the others fairly often, and just seemed kind of stupid in general, thus Matt had dubbed him The Dumb One. “Can I help you?” the teen asked boredly. From what he’d seen in the past ten days, Dummy didn’t seem to understand English very well, so hopefully refusing to even attempt Japanese would make him go away.

Dumbass fidgeted for a moment, looking torn between trying to actually communicate with Matt and going back to work, before finally just sitting down next to the teen. “You don’t speak much Japanese, do you?” he asked, looking hopefully at the boy. Matt simply paused his game, gave the other a brief, blank stare, and went back to trying to ignore him. “Uh…I am Touta Matsuda. You are Matt?”

Matt sighed, nodding. “Yeah. What do you want? I’m trying to play a game, y’know.”

Matsuda was quiet for several seconds, probably trying to decipher what he’d just heard and to formulate a response. “…What are you playing?”


The teen blinked in surprise as the older man’s face positively lit up. “Tetris! That is…is fun, yes? I like it.”

“Really…” Matt murmured, glancing down at the still-frozen screen on his game. Well, if the guy was a fellow gamer, maybe he could at least give him a chance. He pulled his book out of his bag, flipping through it a few times. “You want to try?”

Matsuda grinned, nodding. Matt pulled the ear buds from his ears, letting them fall onto the couch, and handed the game to the older man. Matsuda started a new game, and the teen watched as he started rapidly filling and clearing lines of blocks. After several minutes, the redhead flipped through his dictionary again. “You’re really good at this, Matsuda.”

The older man grinned again, clearly pleased at the compliment, but the expression quickly changed to disappointment as the screen finally filled and gave the infamous message of Game Over. Matsuda held the game out to the teen, who took it and happily started a new game for himself.

A slight shadow fell over the two suddenly, and they both looked up curiously. “Matsuda-san, what are you doing?” L asked, annoyance written on his face.

Matsuda’s face fell, and he cast a brief glance at Matt. “Uh…”

L shook his head. “Never mind, Matsuda-san. If you think playing video games with a teenager is a better use of your time than trying to capture a mass murderer, feel free to continue.”

“Ryuuzaki, I-”

Matsuda. I do not wish to hear what excuses you may have for ignoring your work like this, and even if I did, I highly doubt that any you could give me would be acceptable or even make any sense in face of the fact that you were doing nothing more than playing while Kira is out there somewhere, killing what now seems to be innocents as well as the criminals he started with." The detective bent over further, putting his face uncomfortably close to Matsuda's. "If you would rather play games than work on this case with us, then do so at home where you will be both less of a distraction and less of a burden to the people who actually want to see justice served."

The whole room had gone rather silent by this time; everyone was ignoring their own work in favor of watching L and Matsuda. It was incredibly out of character for L to be leaving his own work to chew out the older man. The entire force watched silently as L seemed to decide he'd finished and walked off in the direction of the kitchen.

Light sighed, sliding his chair away from his desk. "I'll go after him," he said, and glanced at Matsuda. "Don't worry too much about it, Matsuda. He's probably just feeling really stressed." The teen paused for a moment at the door, looking back at the other man. "Although you really shouldn't be playing games. Get back to work."


When Light got to the kitchen, he found L bent over, digging through the refrigerator. He cleared his throat rather loudly, and the detective peeked out from around the door, a slice of American cheese hanging from his teeth. "I really don't think it was necessary to snap at Matsuda like that, Ryuuzaki."

L ducked back into the fridge, noisily eating his cheese. "Perhaps it was not, Light-kun, but it certainly felt nice." He finally left the appliance, bringing a half-full carton of orange juice with him, and closed the door with his foot. "I have had quite a bit of stress accumulating lately, you know."

"I know, Ryuuzaki," Light half-mumbled, watching the older man hunt through various cupboards. "What are you looking for?"

A mumble of, "Garlic," was tossed over the pregnant detective's shoulder, shortly followed by a pleased noise, and L turned around holding a jar of garlic bulbs.

Light groaned in disgust, watching as the other picked up his orange juice and started towards the bedroom. "Ryuuzaki, please tell me you're not going to put garlic in your juice."

L glanced over his shoulder at the boy, a look of near horror on his face. "Of course not, Light-kun. Why would I mix such a ghastly drink?"

"Then what..?" Light shook his head, following L into his room and sitting down on his bed. "Never mind."

The detective crouched down next to Light, taking a swig of juice straight from the lip of the carton. He held it out to the teen, and Light took it, casting a critical gaze on the cardboard before setting it down on the floor. L then opened his jar of garlic, pulling out one of the bulbs and biting into it.

Light cringed, placing the orange juice back in the detective's outstretched hand. "Ryuuzaki, how can you eat that? It's disgusting."

"I do not care, Light-kun. Your child seems to think it tastes just fine," L snapped, taking another bite of his garlic.

“Okay, okay,” Light said, holding up his hands in surrender. “You’re pregnant; you can eat whatever you want. But you still need to keep yourself under control around the force. It’s not like you to be so snippy.”

“It is not like me to be pregnant, either, Light-kun,” the detective pointed out dryly, and filled his mouth with garlic again. “An’ Matshuda should realishe that cacshing Kiya ish more imfortant than shome shtupid fideo game.”

“…Swallow, and try that okay,” Light groaned, rubbing his forehead.

“Av you wif, Ligh-kun.” L gave a loud gulp, sending his mouthful of garlic down his throat. “I said Matsuda should be able to realize that catching Kira is paramount to playing games. Also, Light-kun’s continued insistence that I was too harsh on him about letting Kira run amok does nothing to deter my suspicions of his guilt.” L took another drink of his juice and flopped onto his back, sighing.

“Is there anything that does?,” the brunette groaned, glaring at the other man. A slight lump under L’s shirt caught Light’s attention, and he grinned. “Hey…is your chest growing?”

L blinked. “My chest?”

“Yeah. Right there,” Light said, gently poking the other just above the ribs. “Looks like somebody’s getting ready for their baby,” he said quietly, giving the small mound of L’s stomach a little rub. “You won’t be able to hide this for much longer, you know.”

The detective sat up suddenly, glaring at Light. “And who do we have to thank for this, Light-kun? Is it my fault that I am gaining weight? Is it my fault that my ankles will be swelling and difficult to walk on? Is. It. My fault that the task force will probably view me as even stranger than they already do when my abdomen has swollen to the point that I will be unable to take more than ten steps without it knocking into something or someone? Is it MY FAULT that my chest is expanding in preparation to give milk to the child growing within me?” L had been crawling across the bed towards Light as he was talking, and now had his face mere inches away from the younger man’s. “No, Light-kun. This is all your fault,” he hissed, eyes narrowing to slits. “It is your fault, for being too eager to take me against the counter to bother yourself with either a contraceptive, or even to realize that the orifice you were shoving yourself into was not what you thought it was.”

“Ryuuzaki, I-”

“NO, Light. You will close your mouth and listen to what I have say to you. I am not going to be nice to Matsuda simply because you say I should, I will tell the force that I am pregnant when I am good and ready, we will find Kira before I give birth because I refuse to bring a child into a world with such a monster in it, and you will either be a good father and help me take care of the baby once it is born, or you will be put to death, depending on whether or not you are indeed found to be Kira.” The detective leaned back from Light, staring down at his chest. “You will also pay for the bra I will undoubtedly require by the end of all this.”

Light chuckled, wrapping an arm around L’s shoulders. “Of course I will, Ryuuzaki. I’m not completely irresponsible, you know.”

“…I know.”


April 28 2005

The main room was quiet the next morning when Light walked in. He'd woken up a bit late, and the rest of the force would be arriving before too long, but the boy was surprised when he saw L wasn't sitting at his computer. The older man was still sleeping much more than he had before, but once L had gotten used to his sleep schedule, he'd started going to bed earlier and was usually at work an hour or so before Light and the rest of them would start. The machine had clearly been in use already, however; the screensaver was on. 'Maybe he's in the kitchen,' Light thought, heading towards the other room.

"Ryuuzaki, are you in here?" the teen quietly called out, opening the door to the kitchen. Large black eyes glanced up at him for a moment before turning their attention back to the stove. "Since when do you cook?" Light asked, walking over to stand next to the detective.

"I have been able to cook quite a few dishes for most of my life, Light-kun. I simply have Watari cook for me when I am on a particularly difficult case." L reached past the younger man to grab a spatula, flipped a large, yellow omelet onto a plate, and shuffled to take a seat at the table. Light poured himself a cup of coffee, sitting down across from L and wrinkling his nose as the other man proceeded to liberally spoon sugar onto his breakfast.

The room was silent, save for L's fairly loud chewing and Light's quiet sipping of his coffee, for several minutes, and Light found it oddly comfortable. Normally, he'd be nagging the older man about his poor table manners and attempting to get him to eat properly, but whether it was due to the early hour or if he was just getting used to it, the brunet found that he didn't seem to mind so much today. He smiled to himself, taking another sip of coffee.

"Light-kun?" L said quietly, gently breaking the silence.

"What is it, Ryuuzaki?" Light responded, sipping his drink again.

"The smell of your coffee is making me a bit nauseous. Could you possibly take it to the main room?"

"The coffee pot is still in here, though, Ryuuzaki. Wouldn't it make more sense for you to leave?" the brunet asked, motioning to the mostly-full pot on the counter.

"I suppose," the detective murmured after a moment, nibbling at the end of his fork. He glanced down at his mostly-empty plate, shoved the last bit of his omelet into his mouth, and stood up. He crossed the room, wrinkling his nose at the coffee pot as he passed, and dropped his dishes unceremoniously into the sink.


Matt sighed, staring at his Japanese book. L had confined him to his room for the next three days and taken away his video games; although he had been left his computer; after he distracted Matsuda with Tetris. The teen picked the book up from his desk, and tossed it onto his bed. “So, learning. We meet again,” he said, pacing in front of his bed. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

The book was silent.

“Not much of a chatterbox, are you? Well, we have ways of making you talk.” Matt pulled a belt from his still mostly unpacked suitcase, and brandished it at the hardcover lying on his blankets. “It is my responsibility to pull whatever knowledge I can from you, a responsibility given to me by none other than L himself, and I will complete my mission. Now speak!” he cried, snapping the belt against the front cover of the book and opening it. He paused, looking to see what page was revealed. “Grammar and sentence structure, eh? That’s more like it, book.” The teen cackled, lifting the book from the mattress, and began reading to himself.

Now, if the classes at Whammy’s had been more like this, Matt had to think maybe L would have had some actual standing with choosing him as his successor.

A sudden yell from his computer prompted Matt to look away from his lesson and see what was happening. He’d hacked into Watari’s camera feeds with only a little trouble over the first three days after he arrived, and had to think L wanted him to, seeing as he hadn’t been disconnected yet from several of the cameras. Looking at the screen, the redhead could tell the yell was coming from the main room of the task force.

“Ryuuzaki, you can’t honestly be asking me to believe this!” Matt frowned. Of course they’d be speaking Japanese. He typed in a few commands, missing out on a bit of the back-and-forth between L and Mr. Yagami, and grinned as he got his translator running, and a line of subtitles started running at the bottom. This was a pretty fast program, too, so it only had a few seconds’ delay between something being said and it appearing on the monitor.

“Yagami-san, please be reasonable. I understand that this is a bit much to take in all at once, but there is still more that I need to tell you.”

Mr. Yagami stared at L for a moment, seeming a bit stunned. "Let me get this straight, Ryuuzaki. You're telling me that my son lied directly to my face when he told me you had been lying to me about whatever it is you two do after hours." The detective nodded. "You're telling me that Light is a homosexual, and he's been sleeping with you." Matt blinked in surprise as L nodded again. "You've chosen to tell me this while Light is out of the room because he would deny all of this, correct?"

"Actually, no, Mr. Yagami. I believe it is simply a coincidence that Light-kun needed to use the restroom at the same time that I chose to finally come clean about all this, although there is the slim possibility that he realized what I was about to do and chose to be in another room while it took place. About two point three percent, I would think."

"While what took place?"

Every face in the room turned to face the door just below the camera. Light must have returned, Matt guessed.

"Light, please tell me that Ryuuzaki is simply bored and lying," the brunet's father said, glaring at L.

"Light-kun knows I am not bored. I am finally telling them what to expect in the coming months."

"'Coming months'?" Mr. Yagami shot back, turning to stare at his son. "Light, what is he talking about?"

Matt switched the feed on his computer, changing to a camera across the room. Light was leaning in the doorway, rubbing his forehead. "L, if you're going to tell them, just do it already. Stop dragging it out. And Dad, please believe him," he said, looking up at his father.

Matsuda looked nervously from Light to L. "Are you sick, Ryuuzaki? Because you've definitely seemed like it lately; you've been acting really weird. You don't have AIDS or something, do you?"

Matt snorted at the look of alarm that crossed both the Yagami's faces. How would L have AIDS? That was a druggie disease. Although...looking at the detective, Matt had to admit he did look a bit druggish.

L shook his head. "No, Matsuda-san. I am completely free of any diseases, sexual or otherwise. However, and understand that I do realize how difficult it is to believe what I am about to tell you, I am suffering a side effect of my relationship with Light-kun." The detective sighed, hopping out of his chair and gripping the bottom of his shirt. He bit his lip, looking quite unsure for a moment, before speaking again. "I am pregnant," he said rather hurriedly, lifting the loose white material and revealing a fairly large bump that had managed to mostly hide itself beneath his shirt.

Matt's mouth dropped open, and a toothpick he'd been chewing fell to the carpet. "No way," he whispered, as the main room erupted.

Afro and the giant just stayed in their seats, staring at L in shock. Matsuda looked surprised for a minute, but quickly recovered and rushed towards L with the obvious intent to touch his stomach. L sidestepped the older man, and quickly ducked to avoid a fist suddenly thrown by Mr. Yagami.

"Dad!" Light yelled, grabbing his father by the arm.

"L, this is not the kind of thing to joke about. I don't know why you feel the need to, especially in the middle of a case like this, but it is not funny and I do not appreciate losing this much time that could be spent finding Kira to indulge the whims of your imagination," Mr. Yagami growled, glaring at the detective.

Matt let out a low breath. "If looks could kill, eh?" he called over to the abandoned book lying on the floor.

On the monitor, Light sighed. "He isn't joking, Dad. He really is pregnant."

"Light, I know you're smarter than this. You passed biology at the top of the class. Men cannot get pregnant, correct?" The teen nodded. "And Ryuuzaki is a man, correct?"

Light started to nod, but stopped. "I...don't really know how to answer that. You take this one, Ryuuzaki," he said, gently pushing his father into a chair. "And Matsuda, leave him alone."

"Okay," Matsuda said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "D'you want some coffee or anything, Ryuuzaki?"

The detective shook his head, sitting back down. "No thank you, Matsuda-san. Coffee has been making me feel a bit ill lately. And to answer Yagami-san's question, while I am indeed a man, I also possess the sexual organs of a woman. While this may not be unheard of in and of itself, my organs work just as well as any woman's."

Matt wrinkled his nose, sticking his tongue out at the detective on-screen. That wasn't something he'd ever wanted to know. Plus, wouldn't that mean he could theoretically knock himself up?

Matsuda apparently had the same thought, and asked L about it not even thirty seconds later. The detective stared at the other man for a moment before answering. "No. Although my female organs are in perfect working condition, I am afraid the same cannot be said for their male counterparts."

Matsuda blushed a bit, nodding. "Okay then. But Light, I never would've guessed you were gay. I mean, you're going out with Misa, and your dad always talked about how popular you were with girls."

The brunet sighed. "I'm not gay, Matsuda. Ryuuzaki was convenient, and it's not like I could get any time alone with Misa anyway, what with the handcuffs and all."

"You've been sleeping together this long?" Mr. Yagami asked in disbelief.

"Yes, Yagami-san. In fact, the first time I was apparently so very 'convenient' was mere days after I released Light from his confinement and put him under surveillance using the handcuffs," L hissed, standing up and glaring at the teen. "This is correct, Light?" Matt chuckled to himself. Light had just pissed off a pregnant person. This was gonna be good.

Light blinked in surprise. "Y-yeah. But what're you getting so mad abo-" The brunet was cut off by an abrupt foot connecting with his jaw, and he went flying to the floor. "What the hell, Ryuuzaki?!" he yelled angrily as the detective stormed from the room, and his father reached down to pull him to his feet.

Mr. Yagami sighed, looking at his son. "Light, if Ryuuzaki really is pregnant, and that little outburst definitely indicates some hormones acting up, you have a lot to learn about what to say and what not to say from now until that child is born."


Oh, Light. You silly, silly boy. I don't feel sorry for what I'm going to put you through in the slightest. ^o^

Anywho! Sorry about the delay between updates, I've had some writer's block and been preparing for March 28, which will hopefully be a really good day full of sales and friend-making. I'll be at Animarathon in BG, sharing a table in Artist Alley with a friend. If you're there and you see me, say hi and lemme snap a quick picture of you, okay? I'd love to meet some of my readers in person if I could.

I feel like complaining about a pet peeve of mine in fan fiction that I’ve been seeing a lot of lately: The characters using fan girl terms. So often lately I keep seeing L, Matt, or the Hitachiins from OHSHC referring to themselves and their partners as ‘seme’ and ‘uke’ and their sexy-time as ‘yaoi’. I Highly Doubt Actual Gay Couples Use These Terms In The Heat Of Sex-time. *glare* If it’s a parody fic, then fine, I don’t care, but please, just leave them out of serious fics! Lemme know what your pet peeves are in a review if you feel like it. I’d like to see what you guys like and don’t like.

And before I go, one last thing to look forward to next chapter: April 28, the day I ended this chapter in, has a lemon planned in the outline. *grin*

You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story