Prove Me Wrong

BY : abeastofprey
Category: Death Note > General
Dragon prints: 15302
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.




Raito was sleeping restlessly. The sheets were tangled
around his legs, and he had long ago thrown his pillow to the floor. He shook
his head and grit his teeth as he lapsed back into the same memory that had
been plaguing him all night.

Raito sat next to Ryuuzaki
before their lit monitors, his left hand held immobile by Ryuuzaki’s right. He
checked over the collected data on Higuchi for the fourth time, having nearly
memorized it all. The rest of the investigation team was spread throughout the
building, each with a hard copy of the same document. Ryuuzaki had insisted
that they all become “familiar” with Higuchi’s traits before they made a move.
Just one more brick added to the wall of excuses, oh wait, “
precautions” Ryuuzaki had steadily been constructing. No
one else seemed to see this obstructive wall, and Raito was frustrated by it.

Ryuuzaki’s fingers were laced
with his, the detective’s fingertips drumming over Raito’s knuckles in a
peculiar manner – as if tapping keys on a piano. Raito was tempted to ask if
Ryuuzaki knew how to play the instrument, but assumed the only reason Ryuuzaki
was currently engaged in the action was because he was thinking deeply, so
rather than interrupt, he’d wait to ask later.

With one page to go, Raito’s
concentration was broken by Ryuuzaki gagging to his left. He quickly glanced
over as Ryuuzaki choked again. The sugar-addict was staring at his left hand in
confusion, blood staining his fingertips and white sleeve. Raito panicked,
tearing his hand from Ryuuzaki’s to stand. Ryuuzaki gasped, bloodied hand
forgotten as he reached frantically with his other for Raito’s again.

Raito ignored him for the moment, searching the desk
for a blade of some sort; irrationally thinking Ryuuzaki had intentionally hurt
himself. He was scared beyond words at the thought. “What have you done?” he
asked harshly, throwing papers out of his way in his search. Quickly deciding
the weapon was of no concern compared to Ryuuzaki’s immediate health, Raito
spun around to Ryuuzaki to assess the damage. When he caught sight of the boy’s
trembling lips, marked red just as his fingers, he quickly understood and
sighed in relief – Ryuuzaki wasn’t trying to kill himself; he was apparently
trying to
eat his hand. He sat down heavily, taking Ryuuzaki’s
now-hesitant right hand into his, handcuffs clinking against each other. He
smiled at Ryuuzaki, heart still pounding. “You scared the hell out of me.”

The brunette growled angrily as he woke again. He was sick
of hearing himself in the memory, and even sicker of the terrified feeling he
kept reliving at the sight of Ryuuzaki’s blood. Raito hoped he’d fall asleep
before he had time to freeze-frame the image in his mind again.

He tried to find a more comfortable position, and grew
frustrated when he couldn’t move at all. Drowsily, he tried to slip out of the
sheets. He pouted after his effort produced nothing. He blinked a few times in
the darkened room before he tried moving again. With the glow of the moon to
light his problem, Raito saw not a blanket keeping him in place, but Ryuuzaki.
Raito’s chest constricted at the sight of his lover. He stilled to stare at the
boy. Ryuuzaki’s arms were wrapped tightly around Raito’s back, and the sleeping
boy’s leg was thrown over the brunette’s hip.

“Ryuuzaki,” Raito whispered contently. He’d rather have
this than face the previous day’s horror again.

The raven-haired boy’s head was ducked neatly beneath
Raito’s chin, and he was mumbling quietly. Raito strained to hear the whispered

“Please…stay… Raito, stay…”

Raito sighed. This was the third
consecutive night. He glanced at the clock to his left; the blaring digital
green read 3:08. Ryuuzaki had probably just fallen asleep, and Raito’s
nightmares would have kept the boy up even later. He closed his eyes and held a
kiss to Ryuuzaki’s head while he ran his fingers through the dark hair. He felt
Ryuuzaki slowly relax under his touch, and he continued to sooth him. Ryuuzaki’s
mutterings trailed off, and Raito sat up just far enough to pull the
detective’s arms out from behind him.

Finally free from the boy’s tight hold, Raito’s back
rested comfortably against the forgiving mattress. He brought Ryuuzaki’s pale
arms to his face and frowned. The white bandages on Ryuuzaki’s left hand were
bright in the moonlit room. Raito carefully straightened the soft wrappings
before beginning to massage Ryuuzaki’s arms as fairly as he could,
concentrating delicately on the angry red mark left by the boy’s handcuff. His
lover whimpered quietly as feeling returned, and Raito kissed the wrist he was
working on, quieting him. When Raito was done, he set Ryuuzaki’s arms near
their sides. He slid his hand down Ryuuzaki’s bare form to rest on his hip, and
placed his other hand behind his love’s neck, massaging just below his ears to
trail down to his shoulders before starting over. His fingertips brushed
against the handcuff key perched above Ryuuzaki’s ear, and for the fifth time
since Ryuuzaki bound them, Raito ignored its hiding spot.

“I’m not leaving, Ryuuzaki,” Raito
whispered gently, fixing the sheets over them.

They had gathered all the
information they needed to finally catch Kira, the esteemed Kyosuke Higuchi.
The discovery was a little disturbing, but Higuchi definitely looked the part.
Oddly enough, it seemed Ryuuzaki regretted uncovering Kira’s identity. The rest
of the investigation team was ecstatic, and wanted to hurry along with the
arrest. However, Ryuuzaki had planted unnecessary fears in their heads, and
progress had slowed again. Everyone was watching their step, and double
guessing themselves, which made the fairly unorganized team a complete
disaster. Without Ryuuzaki actively leading, there wasn’t much to be done, and
Raito didn’t believe it was up to him to take on the eccentric boy’s role.

With Ryuuzaki sleeping peacefully,
Raito allowed himself to relax again. He was hoping consciousness would easily
fade away, so he groaned irritably when he felt Ryuuzaki trying to wriggle his
arms underneath him again. “Ryuuzaki,” Ryuuzaki froze, “don’t.”

Ryuuzaki laid completely still,
breath uneven. He fought the urge to continue, as his desire to please Raito
was stronger.

“Are you awake?”

Ryuuzaki nodded.

“Ryuuzaki,” Raito rubbed circles
up and down Ryuuzaki’s back with the heel of his palm, hoping to ease the tense
muscles, “why do you think I’m going to leave you?” He had wanted to ask the
first time he heard Ryuuzaki’s sleepy request, but had refrained, afraid to
embarrass the boy. But this was the third night Ryuuzaki asked, and as it was
an unconscious plea, it could only be a deep concern Ryuuzaki had.

Ryuuzaki didn’t reply.

Raito desperately wanted the
answer, but felt ordering a response was a bad way to get it. So he waited.
After a lengthy silence, he asked, “Kitten?” He relaxed when he felt Ryuuzaki’s
lips curve upwards against his chest. He continued, “I’m not going to leave
you. I never will. I promise.”

“Promise?” came the sleepy


Ryuuzaki tilted his head to look
at the brunette, making use of what little light the moon offered. He lifted his
uninjured hand, hooked his pinky, and waited.

Laughing, Raito linked pinkies
with Ryuuzaki to seal the promise. He propped himself up on his elbow, careful
of Ryuuzaki’s position, and gave him a tender kiss. When he pulled back, he
smiled, “I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I’ll never leave.”

The reassuring words had the
opposite affect Raito wanted. Ryuuzaki’s eyes dulled for a moment, barely
reflecting the moon’s light, before closing. Ryuuzaki released Raito’s hand and
made to get away, paused, shifted again to move away, and finally turned back,
wrapping his arms tightly around Raito. He took in a shaky breath before he
murmured, “Please…”

Raito looked at him in concern. “Nothing
could take me from you.” He kissed him again, lowering them back to the
mattress. Ryuuzaki was kind enough to remove his arms from Raito’s back, but
still clung to him once they were settled. Still determined, he said, “What has
you so worried?”

Ryuuzaki closed his eyes and
tucked his head beneath Raito’s again. “If… Well, when… There’s….” He paused
and tried to organize his thoughts. He bit his lip. He didn’t want to admit
there was a ninety plus percent chance that things were going to go wrong when they
finally captured Higuchi. He didn’t want to accuse Raito of being Kira, or
being Kira in the past, knowing how much it hurt the brunette. He didn’t want to
bring any of it up, but Raito was concerned, and Ryuuzaki hoped to destroy the
issue if it was the cause of the brunette’s nightmares.

The detective sighed. He didn’t
want this responsibility anymore. Everyone was counting on him, and he was
letting them down by impeding progress. For the majority of his life, people
moved only on his command. It was tiring to take so many people into
consideration, predict movements of suspects, and modify theories as new
information was found, all while mapping out possible courses of any given
case. He wanted to pass the problem onto someone else, but that wasn’t fair –
he was the one to tackle the Kira case, so he had to see it though. If he could
give control to Raito, he would, but Raito couldn’t see the entire problem, so
that was pointless. Lost on where to begin, or what to say, Ryuuzaki started to
bring his left hand up to his mouth while he thought.

Sensing Ryuuzaki’s distress, Raito
waited until the detective predictably brought his hand to his mouth. He
grasped it before it reached its destination and brought it to his lips
instead. He kissed Ryuuzaki’s palm lovingly, his other arm draped across
Ryuuzaki’s back. Words only seemed to trouble Ryuuzaki recently, so Raito
didn’t say anything. He strategically listed possible explanations for
Ryuuzaki’s worry, returning to the same conclusion: Raito is Kira. Or as Raito
believed was closer to the truth, Raito could become Kira. “Are you
afraid,” he began quietly, “that I’ll become Kira, once we stop Higuchi?”

Ryuuzaki tried to pull his hand free. Raito held firm,
bringing it back to his lips to kiss along the bandaged fingers. He refused to
let Ryuuzaki teeth at it any more; yesterday was the first, and last,
time he bit his fingertips bloody. The image tried to surface again and Raito
shut his eyes tightly. He wouldn’t let Ryuuzaki
destroy himself over a worry such as this, and he made the promise with his
entire soul as he once again kissed each wrapped digit. “Well?” he asked
softly, after all Ryuuzaki had offered was silence.

“Yes,” he choked. “If Kira’s power
truly can be passed on…o-or…or regained…” He tried again to free his hand. “If
you leave, and Kira takes your place… I don’t… You… I can’t…”

Raito’s heart skipped painfully at
the scared, lost-child tone Ryuuzaki’s voice held. He opened his eyes and
struggled to keep Ryuuzaki’s hand in his as the boy tried to free it with more

Please,” Ryuuzaki

Raito let go of Ryuuzaki’s hand
for an instant to flip them over so that he was propped up over the pale boy.
He smiled softly at Ryuuzaki before taking his hand in his again. He leaned
down to kiss him, tucking the blankets against Ryuuzaki’s side. Raito gently
threaded his fingers though Ryuuzaki’s hair, and kissed small trails along his
neck and shoulders. He kept Ryuuzaki’s wounded hand in his, squeezing gently
when the pale boy cuddled against him. Afraid of saying the wrong thing, Raito
remained silent.

Raito was still very new to
everything Ryuuzaki was asking out of this relationship, but he could
understand that Ryuuzaki definitely liked to feel protected and enjoyed giving
up control. Raito found that interesting, as Ryuuzaki seemed to have a natural
gift for directing people; why would he want to get rid of it so often?

Ryuuzaki relaxed under the
brunette’s warm care. He began panting lightly as Raito’s kisses centered more on
his sensitive neck. “Raito…” Ryuuzaki gave a needy whine and pulled the brunette
to him. He thrust and moaned at the contact against his arousal.

Raito smiled gently and shifted
off Ryuuzaki to reach between them for the boy’s length. He pumped Ryuuzaki
slowly to feel him writhe, pressing closer to kiss his neck again. He teased
the head of Ryuuzaki’s cock, smiling when he felt the boy moan quietly. He
hummed back, kissing him gently.


“What?” Raito pulled back to blink
at Ryuuzaki.

Ryuuzaki opened his eyes. He smiled
at the brunette’s confused expression. “The nightstand. There’s a bottle of oil…”

Raito blushed and nodded, leaving
the warm boy to reach the nightstand. He returned with his prize, rolling his
eyes as he watched Ryuuzaki fighting back laughter. “What?” he asked in

“Cute,” Ryuuzaki replied simply,
sitting up to kiss Raito. He stretched to kiss his flushed cheeks, smiling. He
brought their cuffed hands together and unlocked the chain, dropping the
collected metal to the floor.

He paused at the meaningful
action, looking to their bare wrists for a second. He kissed Ryuuzaki’s wrist
sweetly before he pressed his lips to Ryuuzaki’s again, guiding him back to the
mattress. When the boy ran his hands through Raito’s hair, the brunette gently
took the injured hand he’d forgotten.

Although he was becoming a little
more accustomed to giving commands, Raito never demanded anything of his lover
unless it was for his love’s sake. He loosened the bandages slightly and
whispered, “Keep this above your head.”

Ryuuzaki nodded and left his hand
where Raito placed it. He flexed his fingers, playing with the loose wraps. He
watched the brunette uncap the small bottle and grinned as another blush slowly
bloomed over the boy’s cheeks. Ryuuzaki spread his legs, giving into the
temptation to stroke himself. “Raito…”

Glancing away from the bottle,
Raito smiled at Ryuuzaki. He slipped a pillow under Ryuuzaki and slicked his
fingers with the oil before slicking Ryuuzaki’s opening. He bowed over Ryuuzaki
and kissed him. “Tell me if it hurts.” Ryuuzaki nodded his understanding and
Raito poured more oil into his hand before slipping a finger in.

Ryuuzaki withdrew his hand to
focus on the new sensation alone. He let Raito take his idle hand, smiling when
the brunette placed it near his bandaged one. He mewled as Raito took him into
his mouth unexpectedly.

Raito worked his tongue over the
wriggling boy’s length, smiling as he continued to pull noises from him. He
hummed lightly as he slipped in another digit.

Ryuuzaki gasped and fisted the
sheets near his head, whimpering after another set of vibrations faded. He
moaned as Raito found his prostate. “Raito…” he groaned again, burying his face
against his right arm.

Raito gave the boy’s arousal a
long lick as he pulled back. He set to stroking the sensitive bundle, watching
the boy’s face for any discomfort while cautiously slipping in a third finger.

Ryuuzaki pushed back against the
brunette, moaning quietly. He panted warmly against his arm, licking dazedly as
his own skin.

Raito smiled and leaned down to
steal a kiss from the boy. “Good?” He wrapped his hand around the boy’s cock
and pumped firmly.

“So good,” Ryuuzaki slurred in
agreement. He thrust into Raito’s hand, quickly offering his neck as Raito
began to teeth at it lightly.

Raito moved down the boy’s chest,
pausing to kiss over Ryuuzaki’s rapidly beating heart. He lapped tenderly at a
nipple, content with the sugar-addict’s long moan.

“Wait. Raito, stop.”

Raito stopped immediately,
glancing to Ryuuzaki in concern. “Are you ok? What’s wrong?” He stretched over
the boy when he didn’t receive a reply. “Ryuuzaki?”

Opening lust-darkened eyes,
Ryuuzaki gazed at the brunette. He inhaled through parted lips before he
breathlessly said, “I’m close.”

Raito relaxed. He smiled, and
returned to his same pace, spreading his fingers rhythmically inside the boy.
He kissed him briefly. “Come for me,” he whispered.

Ryuuzaki shivered, breathless as
he came into the boy’s hand. He whimpered and bit his lip, arching further into
the brunette’s ceaseless ministrations.

The brunette continued to stroke
Ryuuzaki steadily, intent on milking him completely. He gradually slowed his
movements within the boy’s passage, watching Ryuuzaki fall limply to the bed,
sheets finally free from his hands.

Ryuuzaki panted between whimpers.
His mind started to clear during the relief in pleasure, but it quickly began
to fog over again as the brunette started to clean him.

Raito laved the spent boy with his
tongue, attentive to his sensitive length. He poured more oil into his hand and
slipped his fingers back into Ryuuzaki. He eased up whenever the boy would moan
weakly, turning his attention then to himself; oiling his length liberally.
Panting, he glanced to Ryuuzaki to find him nuzzling the sheets lethargically,
a strip of medical cloth between his teeth. Raito laughed, distracted by the
pleasure he was causing himself. “Don’t eat that.” He pulled Ryuuzaki’s hand
away from his mouth, freeing the cloth. He kissed the wrappings softly, smiling
when Ryuuzaki moved to replace his hand with his lips. Raito began teasing the
boy’s inner walls again, swallowing the detective’s moans. He drew his hand
back to himself to tip the bottle again, coating his fingers as they slid out,
then moving to again slick his length.


“Hm?” Raito closed his eyes,
relaxing as Ryuuzaki ran his fingers through his hair. He moaned quietly,
kissing along Ryuuzaki’s chest as he stroked himself.

“Please,” he repeated breathily.
“Too much…”

Raito moved to pull away and
Ryuuzaki grabbed him, brushing their arousals together. Raito moaned deeply.

“More, Raito.”

“Which is it,” Raito moaned,
thrusting against him again. He bit his lip to stop himself from repeating the
action. “What do you mean?”

Ryuuzaki pulled Raito’s hand out
of him, shivering. He turned to lie on his hips before sitting up on his hands
and knees. He positioned the brunette and pulled him forward and in.

Raito gasped. Moaning, he gripped
the boy’s hips and drove forward smoothly. He lost his breath as the tight heat
encased him. His head snapped up as he heard Ryuuzaki scream and he cursed

Ryuuzaki cried out as pleasure
surged through him. He tried to catch his breath, moving back against Raito for
more even as his body trembled from the first thrust.

“Ryuuzaki,” Raito panted, stilling
his hips. “I’m sorry.” He stretched forward to kiss his shoulder lightly. “I’m
so sorry, Ryuuzaki.”

Moaning, Ryuuzaki turned his head
and kissed Raito warmly. “What…?” He licked his lips, licking Raito’s in the
process. He moved against him again, whimpering. “Please…”

“Did I hurt you?”

He whined when Raito refused to
move. He focused on the brunette again and after Raito repeated the concerned
question, he shook his head. “You were thorough.” His head dipped forward and
he moved back against him again, moaning. “Please.” he pressed his lips to
Raito’s, moaning into his mouth when Raito rolled his hips to rub against his

Relieved, Raito kept a rhythm of
small rolls with his hips as a continued apology, stretching to ease the kiss
for the pale boy. He reached for Ryuuzaki’s injured hand, afraid of further
loosening the strips.

Mumbling apologies, Ryuuzaki
stopped working his hand into the sheets, relaxing it under the brunette’s warm
palm. He gasped when Raito pulled out to easily thrust back in.

Groans spilled from Raito’s lips.
He moved urgently within Ryuuzaki, trembling as his orgasm rushed closer. He
reached for the bottle of oil again, losing his rhythm for a second as he
focused on uncapping it. He dripped the remaining amount down Ryuuzaki’s
length. He shuddered and planted his hand securely over the boy’s wrapped one
again, mumbling, “Ryuuzaki…”

Ryuuzaki reached to fist himself,
unsure if that’s what the brunette wanted. He was far too gone to mind either
way. He groaned, spreading the oil along his cock, lasting only a few strong
strokes before he came again. He cried out, arching against the brunette.

Raito moaned, looping his free arm
under Ryuuzaki to keep him from falling. He lips parted soundlessly and he
tensed as he emptied into Ryuuzaki’s mercilessly tight channel. He held their
position for a moment, listening to the tiny noises Ryuuzaki was making while
the boy recovered. He finally slipped free and eased them back to the mattress,
shaking as pleasurable tremors traveled his body.

Ryuuzaki moved to his side,
pulling Raito to him tightly, still fuzzy with pleasure. He bumped his forehead
against Raito’s and couldn’t find the strength to move away. “Stay…”

Smiling, Raito tilted his chin
upward to kiss Ryuuzaki.

Ryuuzaki smiled back. He lightly
dragged his fingers in vertical lines down Raito’s sides, knowing he liked the

Raito responded with a quiet,
appreciative hum. He then reached up and brushed Ryuuzaki’s bangs away from his
eyes. He kissed him again, and whispered against his lips, “Love you.”

Ryuuzaki closed the gap again,
tentatively licking at the brunette’s lips. He pressed closer when he was allowed
entrance, drowning in Raito.

Raito risked whispering, “I won’t
let Kira get you. I’m stronger than him.”

Ryuuzaki tightened his hold on the
brunette as his acknowledgement. His concerns slowly bled away and he lost
himself to sleep, listening as his love continued to whisper promises.



Ryuuzaki woke with a start;
clutching at Raito hard enough to leave bruises. He was still in the same
position he fell asleep, and he pulled the brunette closer.

“Raito? I haven’t seen you
forever! Let’s eat!” came Misa’s muffled voice from the other side of the door.

Raito pulled himself away from
Ryuuzaki, attempting to get more air into his constricted lungs. Ryuuzaki
turned away from the sharp sunlight as Raito moved, but wouldn’t ease his
panicky hold. Raito spoke reassuringly to his lover, and held him close,
sighing when he was allowed a small reprieve. He could only imagine what the
loud knocking had sounded like to the stressed boy - probably gunshots.

“Raito?” Misa sounded angry now.
“I know you’re in there!”

“Sorry, Misa. Yes, let’s eat.”
Raito quickly added, “I want to shower first.”

“Okay,” she said sweetly before he
heard her skip off.

If his rushed breathing was
anything to go by, Ryuuzaki was still shaken. Raito hugged him tightly, “Shh,
you’re okay. We’re okay.”

Ryuuzaki nodded against Raito’s
chest, but didn’t relax much.

Raito frowned at Ryuuzaki. He
moved to kiss Ryuuzaki and didn’t stop until the boy melted against him. Raito
pressed his lips at random on Ryuuzaki’s skin, occasionally stealing a kiss
from the boy. He pulled him closer, so that their chests were flush against
each other. His breathing set the pace, and Ryuuzaki’s gradually slowed to
match it.

Ryuuzaki gave a small hum after
they broke apart for the third time. Raito’s thin fingers were at his neck
again, massaging. The content detective was finding it hard to stay awake. He
tried to breathe in more deeply to supply oxygen to his hazy mind, and realized
a little too late that the deep breaths were only aiding in relaxing him.

Raito brushed his lips against
Ryuuzaki’s a fourth time and he smiled at how drowsily the other responded. He
moved to give Ryuuzaki space but was immediately held in place. Ryuuzaki’s
bandages felt foreign against his bare side, and Raito asked, “Does it still

Ryuuzaki opened his eyes and
blinked sleepily, confused by the question. When Raito placed a hand over his
bandaged one, he focused on the injury he’d been ignoring and noted that it
still stung. However, he could endure the sensation, and wondered which answer
he should give. Raito insisted that he always be honest with him, no mater
what. So after a moment, he nodded in the affirmative.

Upon receiving the answer, Raito
brought their hands to their faces. Ryuuzaki watched as Raito removed the white
strips carefully, his expression hard to read. When his injury was finally
visible, Raito’s expression was clearly sadness.

Ryuuzaki glanced away from Raito
to look at his hand and wasn’t surprised by the sight. His fingers were dyed
red in several of the deeper lacerations, but Ryuuzaki had done far worse to
himself in the past; nervous thoughts and too much caffeine never worked in his
favor. He wanted to tell the brunette that, but figured it would only make
matters worse. Yesterday, when Raito had asked what he’d done to himself, the
words were cold, and on some level, Ryuuzaki couldn’t help but feel he had
failed his lover. He hadn’t meant to, really. The thought of Raito hating him
scared him more than the thought of Raito being Kira.

“We should clean this up again.
We’ll leave the bandages off, though.” Ryuuzaki heard Raito mutter. The words
were quiet enough to leave him wondering whether the brunette was talking to him,
or thinking aloud.

“C’mon, let’s wash up before
meeting with Misa.”

Ryuuzaki buried himself further
into Raito and the blankets.

“Enough time’s gone by for one of
us to have already showered…if we were still showering alone,” Raito said,
minding Ryuuzaki’s hand as the detective nuzzled him. “If we wait beyond the
second assumed showering time, Misa will be back.”

Ryuuzaki didn’t move.

Raito fell silent. A few seconds
later, Ryuuzaki kissed Raito’s collarbone lightly, as if begging forgiveness.
Raito smiled and stretched over the edge of the bed, sure to keep Ryuuzaki
balanced. He grabbed the handcuffs and bound himself again before looping
Ryuuzaki’s wrist in the second cuff. They both gasped quietly as the cool metal
fell between their chests.

Ryuuzaki kissed Raito’s collarbone

Smiling, he mussed Ryuuzaki’s hair
playfully. “C’mon,” he said after kissing Ryuuzaki’s temple. “Up.” He brushed
the detective’s extended hand when he reached to pull the covers off them.


“No, c’mon.” Raito bit his lip. “I
plan to tell her today. I’ve already waited too long to tell her. Get up.”

Pouting, Ryuuzaki slid to his

Raito slipped his arms around
Ryuuzaki’s waist from behind and guided him toward the dresser. “All we ever do
is sleep.”

“That’s not all we do…”
Ryuuzaki said silkily. He crossed his arms over Raito’s. “Besides, I like

Raito felt himself flush. “Yeah, now
you do,” he said, smiling. “All our fun times, as you’ve dubbed them,”
Ryuuzaki glanced over his shoulder and grinned, Raito continued, “seem to have
kicked your system back into a normal routine. You must be making up for all
those missed hours of sleep. And I thought I was bad.”

“Oh?” Ryuuzaki slid in the
brunette’s hold to face him; Raito’s arms where crossed comfortably over the
small of his back.

“Yeah, I’d forgo sleep to study. I
did it so often that I’d slip into dazes.” Raito tried to ignore Ryuuzaki’s
concerned look. “Walking in a hall one second, then suddenly in a class, or in
the middle of a conversation I didn’t know I was having.” Raito gave a small
smile, “Pretending to know what I’d already contributed to a conversation never
failed to panic me. Anyway, people would accuse me of being arrogant for my
vacant looks, but I think I was actually sleeping.” Ryuuzaki was worrying his
bottom lip with his teeth, so to ease him, Raito said, “It must have been
something like the look you get when someone says cake. The kind of look that
makes you want to slap someone.”

Ryuuzaki laughed and stuck his
tongue out.


“I try.”

“Anyway, c’mon.”

“No, Raito-kun…” Ryuuzaki whined.
“Let’s prevent more of those dazes of yours and just go back to bed.”

“Ryuuzaki,” Raito said sternly.
Ryuuzaki opened his mouth and Raito cut him off, “Remember your place, pet.”

Blushing, Ryuuzaki nodded and

Raito smirked. “Good kitty.” He
leaned forward and kissed Ryuuzaki lightly. He gathered Ryuuzaki’s softest
shirt and favorite pair of jeans and boxer shorts. He pressed the items against
his lover’s chest and grabbed random clothing for himself. He planted his hand
in the middle of Ryuuzaki’s back and pushed the resisting boy to the shower.


Misa sat across the table, beaming
brightly at Raito. She had wanted to sit next to the brunette, but Raito had
insisted that, with Ryuuzaki next to him, it would be a tight fit.

Ryuuzaki was sitting with his legs
drawn up, bare left hand on his knee obediently, as Raito had ordered. He was
finding it increasingly difficult to keep it there. He wasn’t close enough to
Raito to be touching, and he felt deprived. Suffocating. He glared at the gap
between them, which seemed to be growing ever larger. ‘Empty. But close. So
close. So close, but not touching…’ The gap continued to spread. If only Raito
would fill it. Maybe he could slip closer to the brunette without gaining much
attention… Raito had told him that until Misa knew of their relationship, they
couldn’t openly do anything that would upset her. He eyed the space warily.
Maybe if he moved very slowly he could close the distance. He shook his
head – disobeying Raito would be another failure. Determined to forget the gap
and its temptation, he grabbed his can of soda tightly enough to make small
dimples in the aluminum. He took a long drink, focusing on nothing but the

“So, Misa,” Raito began. He smiled
slightly. ‘This isn’t going to go well. What do I say?’

“Raito, you’re looking wonderful.
I haven’t seen you for awhile.” Looking to Ryuuzaki, she smiled and said, “You,
too, Ryuuzaki.”

Nodding, Ryuuzaki smiled.

There was an awkward silence.

The gap was alarmingly wide now.
Ryuuzaki tried to ignore it, but it mocked him in his peripheral sight.
‘Kenophobia,’ his mind supplied without effort. Amused, he thought, ‘Really? It
would explain a lot, actually.’ He sighed. ‘Just one more to add to the growing
list.’ He placed his hand squarely in the open space, hoping it would change
things. It didn’t. Instead, the action confirmed that, indeed, it was a gap. It
made him feel alone at his end of the bench. He pulled his hand away from the
smooth surface and grabbed his soda to take another drink. ‘Please, please, I
don’t want to be alone.’ A tremor in his hand caused the liquid to slosh
audibly in the can he was holding. He set down the annoying, noisy can and bit
the inside of his cheek to keep from blurting out the information Misa had yet
to hear. Raito had said it was his responsibility to tell her, and Ryuuzaki
wasn’t going to take away that purpose from him, but the gap. ‘Gods, if
he’d only hurry, I wouldn’t be alone.’ Ryuuzaki wanted so badly to grab Raito’s
hand. ‘Hurry, hurry, hurry,’ he begged, as he brought his soda to his lips
again, taking another sip. Why wouldn’t Raito hurry and say it? Hurry.
Ryuuzaki felt dizzy. He focused on the sensation and decided his breathing was
causing it. Maybe he really was suffocating. He set down the can and tried to
change the pattern of his inhales, but was quickly distracted by the unusual
heat in the room. ‘The cooling system really should be running. If it remains
off, the computers will overheat,’ Ryuuzaki thought as an expectant Raito
pushed the plate of untouched food closer to the anxious detective. Ryuuzaki
stared at it for a moment. The thought of eating made him feel sick, and he
grimaced. He pulled his gaze away from the table and the gap, and stubbornly
stared across the room. Maybe Raito wouldn’t be disappointed if he ate
something later.

“Misa, there’s something I need to

“Anything, Raito”

‘Hurry, hurry, hurry…’



‘Stupid gap, stupid bench, stupid
food, stupid…’

“About us, Misa,” Raito
said, clearly enough that the girl knew he was not involving Ryuuzaki. Misa
nodded excitedly, and asked yes, again. Raito drew a deep breath. “The truth
is, I don’t really think there is an us…”

“Of course there is, silly! Is it
because we haven’t been doing things together lately?”

“It’s not that, Misa.”

She paused, confusion written
across her face. She slowly continued, “Still, I can cancel plans with Aiko…”

“No, I’d rather you had fun. It’s
not a matter of time spent together, Misa.” Raito cursed mentally. ‘I’m not
getting anywhere!’

“Oh. But we should be together all
the time, Raito. And I’m not the only one who needs to try, you know! I’ve only
made plans with her because you were avoiding me!”

Raito blushed at Misa’s
accusation. Rather than say he hadn’t been avoiding her, he said, “Misa,
this is a difficult case.” He sank under the weight of the tired excuse
borrowed from Ryuuzaki.

“Which is exactly why you should
take more breaks, Raito.”

“That’s not possible.”

“It has to be, Raito. You’ll make
yourself sick if you don’t rest.”

“Once the case is solved, I’ll
rest. Misa, people are being murdered.”

There was a long pause, in which
Raito ran his fingers through his hair dejectedly. People really were still
being murdered. Why wouldn’t Ryuuzaki let them continue?

Misa shyly broke the silence,
playing with her hair as she asked, “But, Raito, isn’t the case already solved?
Everyone else says so.”

Raito looked up. “Who? Matsuda and
the others? We’re close. Really close. There are just a few more steps.”

“Well, if there’s only a few more
steps, you can rest. No more murders will happen,” she smiled victoriously.

He replied flatly, “You can’t
guarantee that. This method of killing is unpredictable and quick.”

“Just one break,” she insisted.

‘This conversation is going the
wrong way, and fast,’ Raito thought dismally. ‘If it keeps up, I’ll be
obligated to another date with Misa…’ He sighed after failing to produce a
transition that would loop them back to the starting topic. He considered
blurting, ‘Misa, I don’t love you and you deserve better than me!’ but assumed
that would be countered by her calling him ‘silly’ again. ‘What a mess.’

“Raito, you could take a break
today. Ryuuzaki wouldn’t mind another date. Right, Ryuuzaki?”

Raito watched Misa as she looked
over to Ryuuzaki for confirmation. The brunette was still fumbling with ways to
start over when she leaned toward the silent detective and asked, “Ryuuzaki?”
with such concern that Raito glanced over immediately.

Ryuuzaki sat motionless, save for
his shallow panting. His eyes were wide, and he looked to be caught in the gaze
of a poisonous snake. He didn’t respond to either Misa’s or Raito’s calls.

“Ryuuzaki,” Raito tried for the
third time. He reached for him, and even before his hand met the boy’s
shoulder, he could tell Ryuuzaki was trembling. “Ryuuzaki?”

As Raito touched him, sound
flooded back to Ryuuzaki. His eyes focused again on the wall he had been
staring at, and he questioned why it was his subject of interest.

“Ryuuzaki?” Raito slid closer,
eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he felt the heat Ryuuzaki was radiating.
‘But he’s shivering. Is he ill?’ Raito brushed the detective’s hair away from
his forehead to check for fever. “Are you ok?”

Ryuuzaki’s eyes slid shut at the
welcomed contact. He slumped against the brunette, slurring, “Sorry…”

“What’s wrong? Ryuuzaki, do you
feel ill?” Raito moved close enough that their hips were touching.

With the gap finally gone,
Ryuuzaki felt he could breathe again.

“Hey,” Raito said quietly when
Ryuuzaki peeked up at him. “What’s wrong?”


Raito blinked. His expression
softened and he nodded. Raito wrapped his arms securely around Ryuuzaki, rested
his chin against the boy’s head, and closed his eyes. Although he looked calm,
his mind was whirring. ‘What’s going on? Was that a panic attack? This is
serious, really serious. This behavior has to stop.’ He opened his eyes and
reached for Ryuuzaki’s injured hand. Cradling it softly, he wondered, ‘Why has
Ryuuzaki become this? Am I at fault?’ He shut his eyes again and tightened his
hold on his love’s hand; Ryuuzaki squeezed back. ‘I’ll have to find a way to
bring him back to himself. He wants so desperately to be shielded from
everything, but I can’t let him disappear. It’s possible he feels there’s too
much noise inside his own head. I’ve felt that way before; I’m sure it’s worse
for him. That could easily be the reason why he doesn’t want to be in control
anymore. Still, I can’t let him put his life on pause.’ He kissed Ryuuzaki’s
hand and speculated, ‘Did you panic because we weren’t touching?’ He nuzzled
Ryuuzaki in silence, and felt the boy sigh. ‘This is probably the first time in
a week that he wasn’t holding my hand.’ Just as Raito was thinking it was necessary
that they not hold hands this time, he cringed inwardly as he remembered the
exact reason why.


Both boys tensed, and Raito bit
his lip. He didn’t regret seeing to Ryuuzaki’s distress, but he didn’t want to
go about telling Misa of their relationship this way.

The brunette sat up. That’s as far
as Ryuuzaki allowed him to move, however. He looked to Misa, but couldn’t say

Seeing the two still embraced
intimately, Misa questioned softly, “What is this?” She continued to stare.
‘Raito’s rarely held me like that. And he’s never kissed my hand, like
the gentleman I know he is.’

Ryuuzaki had closed his eyes the moment Raito held him,
and he refused to open them now – he had failed Raito, again. He shook his head
in disappointment in himself, and only felt worse when Raito hugged him

Her boyfriend’s silence was
beginning to scare her. “Raito, are you with Ryuuzaki?”

“I… Misa, our relationship isn’t

“Yours and his?” she asked,
looking at Ryuuzaki.

Raito felt Ryuuzaki’s posture dip,
and he placed his hand atop his love’s head protectively, bringing the boy’s
ear to his chest. “No, Misa, yours and mine.”

Raito’s steady heartbeat shocked
Ryuuzaki. The calm rhythm captured his attention, and he held onto it firmly.

In a gentle tone, Raito started,
“Misa, I’ve already told you…”

“What? No you haven’t! You’ve
never said anything about him!”

Raito flinched at the truth of her
words. “I…I’ve said before that there’s nothing between us, though.”

“T-there is…”

Raito didn’t reply.

“So…you cheat on me to prove it?”

“I…” Raito made a small noise as
he shut his mouth. ‘D-did I?’

Misa was taken aback by Raito’s
reaction. Shouldn’t he be mad for being caught? She stared at his troubled
expression and couldn’t find the anger to stay mad at him for long, especially
when he wasn’t being angry back. “Raito, I love you,” Misa said quietly.

‘I don’t have feelings for her.
Did I really cheat? Does it count, when I feel nothing for her? Of course it
does! It does because she felt for me. Damn it. Why did I wait so long to tell

Believing Raito’s silence to be
positive, Misa smiled softly. “You know I love you, right?” She snuck a glance
at Ryuuzaki, who remained unresponsive. “You belong with me.”

Raito slowly shook his head. “No.
I don’t, Misa.”

The increased pace of Raito’s
heartbeat bothered Ryuuzaki. He nervously began popping his shoulder, worried
now that Raito was worried.

“Please think of what you’re
doing, Raito.”

“There’s not much to consider,
Misa. I’m sorry. I don’t feel anything for you…”


“Misa,” he said, apologetically.

“Raito, I’ll always love you.” She
looked away, bowing her head slightly. “I can wait for you.”

“No, Misa. You deserve better than
me. I’ve wronged you.”

Misa mumbled about visiting Aiko.
She kept her head lowered, quickly leaving the table.

Raito sat starting at the space
Misa had previously occupied rather than watch the girl leave. He cupped his
hand over Ryuuzaki’s shoulder wordlessly

The thin boy stopped the annoying
action immediately. He sat quietly in the long silence that followed.

Ryuuzaki’s twisted sitting
position couldn’t be comfortable, and Raito straightened the detective out of
it. Ryuuzaki looked to him quickly, eyes wide. Raito slipped his hand into the
other’s, reassuring Ryuuzaki he wasn’t being sent away. Ryuuzaki flashed him a
relieved look. Neither said anything for a moment.

Ryuuzaki fidgeted next to the
brunette. Things had gone bad. ‘Failure,’ he sulked. He wanted to console Raito,
but felt that it would be improper, considering it was his fault Misa found out
before Raito had planned.

Raito sighed. He slouched in his
seat and pulled the fidgeting boy to him, pillowing Ryuuzaki’s head in his lap.
Ryuuzaki met Raito’s eyes only for a moment before shutting them guiltily. Both
kept to their thoughts. After awhile, the brunette rested his left hand lazily on
Ryuuzaki’s chest, and used his other to smooth back the detective’s hair. He
tilted his head and gazed at the ceiling blankly.

“Raito?” Ryuuzaki poked Raito’s

Raito hummed in question.

“I apologize.”

He looked to him and gave a small
smile, “It’s alright.” Raito glanced to the empty seat across from him. “Well,
no it’s not. What I mean is, it’s not your fault.” He pressed a finger to
Ryuuzaki’s lips before the boy could protest.

Ryuuzaki brushed Raito’s hand away
in irritation, but before he could argue his point, Raito lightly wrote the
word ‘cake’ against his neck. Ryuuzaki cursed himself aloud the second he
pictured the treat.

Raito laughed softly as he
continued to feather his fingers across Ryuuzaki’s neck. Rather than slap the
boy like Raito had teased earlier, he kissed the palm of Ryuuzaki’s healing
hand and made him slap himself.

Ryuuzaki growled, reflecting the
brunette’s smile. He sat up and Raito shifted along with him. They settled with
Ryuuzaki’s back propped up against the brunette, a slice of toast held before his

As Ryuuzaki ate the offered food,
Raito kissed his jaw. He rested his chin on Ryuuzaki’s shoulder and closed his
eyes. Ryuuzaki finished and Raito supplied more silently. When he was sure
Ryuuzaki was going to continue, Raito stopped paying attention and stared
moodily at the open air in front of them. Thoughts twisted in his mind and he
struggled to organize them. He took his three major problems and simplified
them as much as possible: Kira’s loose, Ryuuzaki’s broken, Misa’s hurt. ‘Ok…so…
I can fix this…’

Ryuuzaki listened to Raito’s
disheartened noises as he ate. He grabbed a new can of soda, opened it with his
right hand as he lifted his left to Raito’s ear. He tugged lightly and squeaked
when Raito turned his head enough to nip his exposed arm. He presented the
fresh soda to him. Raito wrapped his fingers over the sugar junkie’s and tipped
the can, drinking nearly half before pulling the cool metal from his lips. Ryuuzaki
finished what Raito left, running his fingers through the brunette’s hair.

Raito squeezed the boy
affectionately, slipping his hands under the loose shirt to press against his
ribs. He was glad the boy was filling out; the first time he’d seen the boy’s protruding
ribs, he had been too sad to do anything other than hug him tightly. He sighed
silently and rubbed his thumbs lazily over Ryuuzaki’s smooth skin. He mumbled
into his neck, “Eat a little more, Ryuuzaki.” He waited until the boy obeyed
before closing his eyes. Raito’s sleepless night and the stress of his talk
with Misa caught up with him as Ryuuzaki casually combed his hair. The
solutions for his three demanding problems started to run together as he
relaxed against Ryuuzaki.

“Raito-kun,” Ryuuzaki whispered.
“Let’s go to bed.”

“It’s early.”

“You’re tired,” he stated.

“We need to work, Ryuuzaki…”

“We will.”

Raito shook his head. “Now. We
need to get Higuchi.”


Raito paused tiredly. After a
moment he asked, “We’ll have him in jail?”

“Tomorrow, Higuchi will be
imprisoned,” Ryuuzaki said confidently.

Raito didn’t respond. As much as
he’d like to sleep, he wasn’t sure if Ryuuzaki could keep his promise. They
really should work on finding more ways to get to Higuchi; how was Ryuuzaki
going to just pull everything together? Unless he already had a plan… That
wouldn’t be surprising. Irritating, but not surprising. Still, Raito couldn’t
feel secure after being contaminated with the doubts all the others had been
whispering. It would be better to get Higuchi as soon as possible – hopefully
Ryuuzaki’s destructive behavior would change, and then they could sort out the
problems with Misa. How is Ryuuzaki
going to get Higuchi again? Raito growled into Ryuuzaki’s shoulder, unable to
stop his circular thought process.

Ryuuzaki slipped free from Raito’s
hold. He turned and helped the brunette to his feet before leading him wordlessly
back to the bedroom. Once there, he pulled back the covers on the unused bed.
He glanced to Raito; the boy’s eyes were already half closed. He reached for
him and began to undress him once Raito stepped within reach. He quickly
undressed himself and slipped between the sheets to join the brunette.

Tucking the down comforter against
the boy, Ryuuzaki kissed his forehead. He ran his fingers through Raito’s hair,
smiling when the brunette pulled him closer sleepily.

“Everything will be ok,





Hahaha, great! I look forward to writing loooong chapters
from now on! It’s great that you’re enjoying it. Haha, -intimidated by pseudo
threat- I’m glad to evoke so many emotions! I was aiming to make people laugh,
and I succeeded! I’ve tried to let both boys experience seme and uke, only
because everyone has different preferences (and hint toward wanting one or the
other). It’s cool to know people are responding to it positively. Hahah,
“freaking romantic” is something else I was hoping to accomplish. Thank you so
much for the review!!



Thanks! Wonderful explanation; so informative. Thank you for
taking the time to teach ^.^ I’m lucky to have responsive readers.



YES! Someone followed FF link! I hope a lot of the
readers over there wander over here. I’m debating on continuing the story over
there – I hate diluting it. Suggestions?



^.^ Glad you like it. I hope it wasn’t too long. –plans to
make them even longer- Hahaha



Haha. Thank you! I’ll keep writing!

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