BY : ShirouKamui
Category: Weiß Kreuz > Yaoi - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 2809
Disclaimer: I do not own Weiss or any of the characters. They belong to the great Koyasu Takehito-Sama. I am not making any money from it either so please do not sue.

Notes: I'd like to sincerely aologize for this late late update >_< I have just come back from a holiday in Japan. With all the packing time before the trip and the whole two weeks in Japan itself, I totally had no time left for my writing, much to my disappointment. Now that I'm back, though, I'll try to update as fast as I can to make up for all that waiting time.

miru: Thank you so much for reviewing again!! *glomps* I'm glad that I've at least one faithful reader..gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling ^_~

And now, on to chapter 5. Sorry for the long wait, and thanks for following this thus far ^_~


I cannot believe what I had allowed to be done to me. I cannot believe that I had done…that. And with Schwarz too! How am I going to face my teammates? How am I going to face Aya? How am I going to face Yohji? I should have known better than to go out and get myself all drunk. With my pathetic tolerance for alcohol, I should have known better than to even enter the pub.

How did Aya find out about my feelings for Yohji? Am I that obvious? Does that mean that the rest of my teammates know about it too? Yohji was surprised, though. And he said that he is not interested in me. I should have known. Yohji is not gay. Well, technically speaking, I am not gay either. The fact that I harbor feelings for a man aside, I am perfectly normal and straight in my sexual orientation. Does that even make sense?

Oh, why do things always have to be so complicated? If only I had not developed such feelings for him. Then Aya would not have found out and confronted Yohji. Then I would not have followed the two of them to his room and overheard the conversation. Then I would not have gotten so upset and sought to drown my sorrows in alcohol. Then I would not have ended up naked in a hotel room with Schwarz the next morning.

I feel anger rising in me at that thought. Anger with Aya for talking to Yohji about me. Anger with Yohji for being in my life. Anger with Schwarz for taking advantage of me like that. Anger with myself for allowing all these to happen to me. I can still remember the humiliation I felt, and still feel, when I saw that smug Schwarz bastard come out of the bathroom in the hotel, looking down at me.

When I heard the door click, I was immediately shaken out of my thoughts of my dream, swiveling my head towards the direction of the bathroom. The last thing I expected to see was the leader of Schwarz calmly stepping out of the bathroom. What was going on? Why was I lying naked in a bed in the same hotel room with the very man who had been trying to take my life? I was confused.

I remembered drinking shot after shot at the pub I had driven to. It was not a pub I frequented but I did not really care about that at that time. I had only wanted to get myself as drunk as possible, and to block out the feelings of hurt and rejection as much as I could. I remembered being pounded into forcefully while I struggled to keep my hold on the railing in front of me. I remembered a hand stroking me to completion. I remembered blacking out from the force of my orgasm. No way! No, it could not be!

I watched Schwarz smirk while the truth came crashing horribly down on me. I had slept with him the previous night. I had let him take me. I had gotten drunk enough for the enemy to take advantage of me. Oh gods, what had I done? I had allowed Schwarz to…That bastard!

I hastily pulled the blankets up around myself to cover my nudity. I could feel myself flushing, and I glared at him in pure hatred. When I felt covered enough, I launched myself from the bed to lunge at him. He blocked my feeble attempts with no effort, smirking all the way. My anger, shame, and embarrassment grew when he caught my leg and pushed it away, causing me to fall backwards. Out of instinct, my hands flew out to break my fall, but that action caused the blanket covering me to fall away. I hurriedly pulled it over me again, not wanting to be so exposed in front of that bastard.

“What are you doing here?”

I was livid with rage. All I wanted to do at that moment was to run my katana through the man before me. And I would stab it in a place where he could die a slow agonizing death. And even that would not be enough to pay for what he had done to me. His next words spiked my fury even further.

“Why, don’t you remember what happened last night? What a pity to forget. You were moaning so prettily too.”

That bastard even had the nerve to smirk down at me! I gritted my teeth hard, and glared daggers at him, wishing that I could skewer him on my katana. I would never live this shame down. I told him to kill me. He appeared to consider that for a while. It was a good choice for him. My death would mean less trouble for Schwarz. I only regretted that I could not say a proper farewell to Aya. And to Ken and Omi. And to Yohji. The bastard shocked me by refusing.

“Sorry kitten, no time. There’s somewhere I’ve got to be in thirty minutes. Can’t waste that time on you. I’ve got to thank you for last night though. You gave me the best sex I’ve had in a while.”

With that, he just strode out of the room, leaving the door open and me exposed to anyone in the corridor. I could not believe my ears! He could not even be bothered to kill me! The disgrace I felt was worse then anything I have been through. I have never felt so used and so worthless. My pride was in pieces.

I feel a sudden need to gag at that thought. Though I have not eaten anything since the previous day at dinner, I nevertheless run to the toilet, not wanting to dirty my room when I do throw up. Since my stomach was empty, I can only dry heave, leaving a disgusting taste on my tongue to match the disgust I feel at my actions. I crumple beside the toilet bowl, allowing my thoughts to wonder again.

Getting back to the Koneko was a challenge. It was a while before I managed to pull myself together enough to venture out of the hotel room. That bastard left the bill to me! It took me some time to recall that I had left my car parked at the pub. Sitting down intensified the soreness I felt, causing unpleasant memories to arise no matter how much I wanted them to go away. Driving back to the Koneko took twice as long that morning.

Stepping in the front door, I was not expecting a greeting in the form of one Kudoh Yohji. I guess I should have expected it, especially after the events of the previous day. As I leaned against the doorframe to support myself, Yohji rushed towards me, asking after me, wanting to know what was wrong. Though I appreciated his concern, the last person I wanted to see was my blond co-worker. Well, aside from the Schwarz bastard, but that was not the point. I pushed him away, mumbling that I was fine, and hoping that he would leave me alone.

I went to the bathroom at once. I had taken a quick shower at the hotel, but that was not enough to wash away all the filth from my body. Maybe nothing short of death would ever make me clean again. I turned the shower to the maximum temperature and hissed when the hot water touched my skin. It burned, but it was a good burn. I started to scrub myself under the caress of the hot water. I scrubbed as hard as I could, wanting to erase the scent and presence of Schwarz off my body. Only when I felt my skin becoming raw with abrasion did I stop. I turned off the shower when the water started to run cold, and dried myself off clumsily before pulling a pair of sweat pants and a shirt on.

Sitting on my bed, I started to think about the whole situation. It was all Yohji’s fault. He had been acting weirdly recently. He was flirting with everything on two legs as usual, but sometimes, he would get this look in his eyes. His eyes would soften and a gentle smile would grace his face. I have only seen those soft eyes and gentle smile occasionally, usually when he was talking about his dead girlfriend. I want to know what those eyes are looking at now. I want to know who has the ability to make those emeralds shine like that. I want those eyes to look at me. I want those eyes to belong to only me. Without even thinking about it, I have come to resent the reason for Yohji’s sudden tenderness.

When I saw Yohji bringing Aya to his room, I could not help but follow them. It was strange that the two would go somewhere so private to have a conversation. As far as I knew, they were not that close. The worry I had for Aya, and the curiosity about the whole affair made me stay silent outside Yohji’s door, listening in on their conversation.

I could not believe the words that tumbled out of my sister’s mouth. How could she have known about my liking Yohji? Aya’s words made my mouth fall open in shock. Yohji’s words made my heart tear. Hearing Yohji’s rejection, my eyes stung as tears threatened to spring forth. I raised a hand to bite into, but I was careless. I accidentally knocked my hand against the door softly. I instinctively knew that the occupants of the room had heard me. Turning away to escape, I was pulled back by a strong grip on my wrist. Unable to escape, I disguised my emotions as a glare I directed at the handsome blond in front of me before snatching my hand back and telling Aya to go home.

I had Ken send my sister home because I could not trust myself to be in a small confined space with Aya. I did not trust myself to drive safely and I refuse to put my sister’s life in danger. I had gone out to drown my sorrows in alcohol after that. I made sure that the rest of them were in the house and not watching me when I sped out onto the road. I did not want any of them following me. I did not want them looking at me. I did not want to cry in front of them. I did not want to show them how weak and pathetic I really am.

I suppress the sob threatening to make its way up my throat. The toilet door is open and I do not want any of my teammates to find me hugging the toilet bowl and sobbing my eyes out. Pushing myself up from the floor, I am surprised to feel a hand on my arm, gently pulling me up to a standing position.

“Are you ok, Aya? You were drinking, weren’t you? I smelt it on you just now when you came home,” Yohji’s gentle voice assaults my ears.

So he could tell. I wonder what else he could smell on me. I shrug his hand off my arm and walk past him to the sink to rinse out my mouth.

“I’m fine,” I grunt softly without looking at him, hoping that he will get the hint and leave me alone.

I hear a sigh behind me before Yohji speaks up again, “Whether you like it or not, Aya, we need to talk.”

I can feel my whole body tensing up with every single word that comes out of Yohji’s mouth. I should have known that he would want to talk. I should have known that he would want to clarify the situation with me. I do not need him to, though. I already know that he is not gay. He has already expressed that clearly enough before during his conversation with my sister.

“I have nothing to say to you,” I answer him in a tone as cold as I can manage at the moment.

I do not meet his eyes as I reply him. I do not think that I can bear that. Not when I know that his striking emeralds will be brimming with concern and worry for a friend. Not when I know that those eyes will never look at me in the way I want them to. I turn away from the sink and push past him and out through the door. I just want to get away from the man in front of me as fast as possible. Without waiting for a reaction and ignoring his calls for me, I take quick steps out of the toilet and towards the roof. I hope that he will not follow me there.

Alas, the gods have no mercy. I have just closed the door to the stairs connecting the roof to the rest of the house only to have it slam open again, revealing an irate blond beneath the doorframe. I glare at him as coldly as I can.

“Damn it, Aya! Why do you have to be like this all the time?”

Yohji steps forward and grabs my shoulders in a vice-like grip. I can see and feel his whole body shaking finely with anger. Narrowing my eyes at him, I push him away from me for some personal space. I do not like it when someone invades my personal space, not even when that person is Yohji.

Deliberately turning my back towards him, I almost snarl out the words, “What do you want? Stop following me. I don’t like it.”

I feel a hand grab my left shoulder. I am spun around roughly to meet fuming emeralds. The intensity and rage in Yohji’s eyes make my heart stop for a moment. I am torn by the sudden torrent of feelings that assault me. Happiness that his eyes are alive when it concerns me, even if they only show anger. Fear of the consequences of his ire. Guilt for making him so upset. And lastly, arousal at the intensity and almost murderous intent in those brilliantly green orbs. Gods, I must be a masochist to be turned on like that.

Yohji’s grip on my left shoulder transfers to my left wrist even as his eyes pin me in place while he berates me, “Don’t you turn your back on me! Where were you the whole night? Do you know how worried I’ve been?”

Yohji had been worried about me? I feel an almost warm feeling settle in the pit of my stomach. I cannot believe the pathetic creature I am turning into. I hate it. I absolutely hate how Yohji can stir up such stupid emotions in me. I look away from him.

“Did you get into a fight or something? Are you injured?”

My head snaps up at this comment, the words leaving my mouth before I can stop them, “How can you tell? Why do you ask?”

I realize at once that I should have kept my mouth shut when his eyes narrow and he exclaims, “So I was right! Are you ok? Do you need any medication? Let me see your bruises.”

“I’m fine! I can take care of myself! Let me go!” I struggle to get out of his strong hold on my wrist.

Yohji does not only not let me go; he tightens his grip, speaking firmly, “Aya, I won’t let you run away. We need to talk. About what happened yesterday. And I’m not going to let you go until we do.”

I feel a whole swarm of butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. I do not want to talk. I do not ever want to face that particular problem. I struggle harder to get out of Yohji’s clutch, raising my right hand to try and pry his fingers from my wrist, but to no avail. When it looks as if Yohji is not going to let up his hold on me, I do the only thing that comes to my mind. I draw back my right hand and punch him in the face.

ShirouKamui: Hohoho, cliffhanger!! Haha I didn't mean it, but I guess it just turned out this way...I'm working on the next chapter now, and I've actually got the plot for the next few chapters planned out. Now the only thing I need to do is to put them into words, the hardest part of all heh. I'll try to post the next chapter as soon as possible. Meanwhile, do be nice and review ne? *puppy eyes*

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