He really wasn't.

Crowds still weren't his forte.

So when he didn't find Tsuzuki on his third and fourth sweep of the
room, the former cop frowned. Hisoka was there, reluctantly enduring the
Count's humor and talk, but Tsuzuki...

Terazuma prowled around the room, then finally left and passed through
the ancient corridors, silent and held in twilight. The voices of the party
faded and finally there was silence. His senses exhaled in relief and he
did likewise. Control or no control, it was still hard.

Wandering around, letting instinct guide him, he finally found himself
in one of the many large rooms that seemed to have no higher function.
The Count lived alone, aside from Watson, and the palace was incredibly
large. Most of the rooms were taken up by the candles, flickering ominously,
but this room was strangely free of them.

A study perhaps?

It was here he discovered Tsuzuki, sitting on the broad window sill,
one leg propped up, an arm resting on the bent knee, eyes on the darkness
outside. He looked pale and there were signs of distress.

Terazuma hesitated and was about to withdraw when those expressive,
inhuman eyes pinned him down. He froze, feeling like caught in the act.
Tsuzuki tensed a little, shutters dropping, and he seemed to ready himself
for a confrontation.

"Terazuma," he said warily.

"Tsuzuki," he answered, shifting the cigarette from one corner of his
mouth to the other.

Both men looked at each other, sizing the other up, but Terazuma felt
none of the bristling posturing he usually experienced. He recognized Tsuzuki
as an equal, but he wasn't about to preen and ruffle his feathers to show
off.

"What do you want?" Tsuzuki finally asked, looking away, sounding tired...
upset.

"You got lost?" Terazuma simply asked in return.

"No."

"Something happen?"

He remembered the last incident in these strange walls. The candles
did something to people, brought out nightmares... bad feelings... They
made his hair stand on end.

"No."

Blatant lie.

"The candles, huh?"

Terazuma didn't know why he tried to make small talk. They had barely
been civil before.

Tsuzuki briefly closed his eyes, then shrugged. "I just needed some
time away. Don't worry. I'm not going to wreck something." His smile was
false... forced.

"Good to know. But I'm not here for that. Just wondering why your partner's
not picking up on you."

"Too many other emotions."

Terazuma walked closer, hands stuffed in his pockets. He finally removed
the cigarette and studied the other man as if he saw him for the first
time. In a way he was.

"You gonna stay here and wallow in whatever happened or you gonna go
back before the rest of the cavalry arrives."

Tsuzuki gave a soft chuckle. "Since when are you my cavalry, Terazuma?"

A shrug. "You're a colleague. Can't let you get lost in this pervert's
house."

That got him a strange look. And then Tsuzuki smiled. It was a warm,
happy smile that completely caught Terazuma off guard. He had never been
the recipient of that expression.

"I'm glad you finally found someone, Terazuma," the older shinigami
said, catching Terazuma even more off guard. "He's good for you, y'know."

"What?!"

Panic spread.

Tsuzuki couldn't possibly know... But it sounded like... a blessing?!

"You and Sohryu."

"What?!" He knew he was repeating himself. "How... what the fuck is
going on? How do you know...!" Terazuma felt anger rise, coupled with embarrassment.

Tsuzuki shot him a confused look. "Terazuma...?"

"How do you know? How can you possibly know?!" he demanded, close to
grabbing the slender man and banging him against the wall to get answers.
"Is it because you're his master and they run to you telling you everything
about their personal lives?!"

Tsuzuki looked clearly disturbed now. "No... Terazuma, I'm just happy
you found someone... nothing else. And I know because Touda knows."

"And he immediately told you?!"

"I picked up on it." Tsuzuki shrugged. "When he gets angry, the shields
waver."

Angry? Touda had gotten angry and it concerned Sohryu? The words launched
a strange sensation of worry.

"Don't worry, Terazuma. Everything's okay. I mean, I think it's great."
Some of the old Tsuzuki enthusiasm came back, but there was a hard little
light in the center of those violet eyes that wouldn't leave.

Terazuma snorted, angry at himself and whoever else he could think of.

"I think finding a partner who accepts you as you are is wonderful,
Hajime," the soft voice of his colleague penetrated the fog of anger. "It's
rare and for us it's even rarer than for a human in the world of the living."

Terazuma swallowed as he looked into those firm eyes.

"We're not different from them in that regard. We want someone to be
there for us." There was a little wistful smile. "Sometimes it takes more
than a human lifetime, sometimes we don't see what's right in front of
us. I'm just happy you're happy, that's all."

He stared at the man, confused, befuddled, surprised and amazed. "You...
don't care it's Sohryu?"

A frown. "Why should I?"

"He's your shikigami!"

"And?"

"I...ah..." Terazuma deflated a little and sighed. He ran a hand through
his hair, tousling it. "Who else knows?" he finally asked.

"Byakko and Touda."

"Hisoka?"

"No. I think it's up to you to make such an announcement." Tsuzuki smiled
again and slid off the window sill.

Terazuma fell in step beside the other man as they went back to the
party, glancing at him out of the corner of his eyes, thoughts still whirling.

Tsuzuki knew. About him and Sohryu. So what?

So... what?

He swallowed as he felt something rise inside him, something he had
suppressed again and again, and it wasn't his shikigami.

An emotion.

I'm not falling for him, he thought again, more desperately this
time.

But something was happening. Slowly but surely. And it was getting stronger.
The sudden flash of fear when Tsuzuki had told him he knew... the brief
embarrassment and sudden resolve to fight the other man if need arose...
and the words... the simple words from his lover.

'I love you, too.'

°

Wakaba was happy with her 'new and improved' partner and she was also
very happy to provide him with access to GensouKai to 'let the lion feel
at home'. That it was actually Terazuma who wanted to be with Sohryu she
didn't know about. Terazuma would keep it his secret. Still, he felt like
abusing her trust and using her as a shuttle service. There had to be an
easier way to see his lover. Other couples lived distances apart, too,
and...

Whoa, stop! Couples?

Terazuma froze, breath catching in his throat at the thought.

Couple... no! This was just a casual relationship, right? Just to...
make him feel good.

'I love you, too.'

Lately this had come to be a problem. Lately, he was beginning to echo
those feelings. Lately... lately things had complicated.

He ran a hand through his tousled hair and shook his head. He wasn't
interested in Sohryu that way. Not at all!

He wasn't in love...

No... he wasn't.

His emotions begged to differ.

° ° °

Sohryu watched the man he had come to love, to admire, pace up and down
his private quarters. Agitation was coming off Terazuma in waves and the
dragon couldn't place the source just yet. His lover had appeared a few
hours ago, clearly not coming for a social visit or something else, and
when Sohryu had finally been able to get away from his duties, he had found
him here.

In his most private chambers where servants were unlikely to interrupt
them. Then again, the palace servants knew Terazuma by now and kept their
silence as well as their distance whenever the shinigami was around. Sohryu
didn't care about the rumors as to what was going on; he couldn't care
less. What had surprised him was when the headwoman of the staff had brought
him his usual afternoon tea and remarked how well he looked lately, how
relaxed, and how the shinigami's presence seemed to do wonders to his mind-set.

Looking at the man he loved, the man he had yet to tell what he really
felt, he wondered what was going on.

"Hajime, stop pacing. You're wearing down the rug," he chided gently.

Terazuma stopped, red eyes narrowing, hand clenching and unclenching.
Finally he exhaled explosively.

"Sohryu, I... lately, I've felt..." He shook his head, raking his fingers
through his hair. "Damn, I feel like an idiot!"

Sohryu walked toward him but the other man held up a hand, asking him
to stay away. The dragon did just that, frowning slightly.

"What's wrong, Hajime?"

Red eyes looked at him with a silent desperation.

"I love you," Terazuma finally whispered. "I love you and I don't know
when... when it started or why... I never planned on falling for you. I
thought... it was nice... I liked it and all, but then I fell in love..."

Sohryu felt warmth blossom inside him and he smiled. "I've fallen in
love with you a long time ago," he told the agitated man.

"What?!" Terazuma blurted.

"I found you interesting when we met the first time, but later, I fell
in love, Hajime."

"No..." Terazuma moaned. "No! Why?"

"Why? Does love have to have a reason?"

"Yes, it does! I'm a shinigami, Sohryu! I work as an angel of death!"

"I know that."

"I was human once. I'm in the service of Enma-Daiou..."

"I'm quite aware of that fact."

"You're... you're a shikigami, a guardian spirit! Tsuzuki's guardian
spirit! This isn't just... a weekend relationship! We're separated by dimensions!"

Sohryu tilted his head. Apparently Terazuma had given this a lot of
thought and it had him agitated. He knew their relationship was difficult,
but he had never thought it to be impossible.

"I... I can't just come home and have you there, back from work like
me, and we can snuggle up and watch TV!" Terazuma went on, voice rising.
"We can't just meet up for lunch or dinner any given day! I need Wakaba
to get here! You don't have phone lines or trains running on a regular
schedule, or any schedule at all!"

"Hajime..."

"No! I love you, Sohryu, but this won't work. I should have stopped
when it became too good, when it felt better than anything I could possibly
have imagined. I should have... stopped... but I didn't... I'm sorry..."

Sohryu blinked, stunned by the words. Had he just been dumped? After
Terazuma told him he loved him? After he had told his lover he felt the
same?

"I'm not gay," Terazuma whispered. "I'm sorry... but I'm not... it will
never work..."

And then he was out of the door.

Sohryu was after him in a flash, but to his surprise he only saw an
empty corridor. When he raised his eyes he saw a huge, winged lion flying
away. He smiled sadly for a moment.

You learned, Hajime.

He had given the shikigami free flight to flee, and the lion, confused
by his master's emotions, did just that.

Sohryu fell back against the wall, insides clenching as the lion grew
smaller and smaller. Terazuma had... left... him.

And he loved him.

 

 

tbc...