Music of My Soul

BY : ReadtoEscape
Category: Wei▀ Kreuz > Yaoi - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 1187
Disclaimer: I dont own Weiss kreuz, Ran, Yohji, or any of the guys. I write/post for my own enjoyment. No profit is made. Well, except the stress relief of writing it, & the warm fuzzies I get if you like it. But as those are intangibles,


When we last left Ran at the hospital, as Schu and Brad escaped for a much delayed wedding night:

“OK Ran” Ken said as he eased Ran to sit on the side of the bed. “Let’s get you changed huh?” He helped a childlike, malleable Ran to remove the button down, easing a t-shirt over his head from the overnight bag they’d brought from Ran’s place. Then he removed Ran’s shoes, and helped him change into a pair of sweats. He eased Ran back into the mattress, covering him with the blankets. “It’s ok Ran. Rest now. We’re here, Jei and I will take watch. I promise, any change and we’ll wake you.”

Ran just looked at Ken, a lost, fearful look on his face for a moment before his eyes slid closed and his breathing evened out, obviously unable to fight the medication and the need for rest any longer.

Ken watched him for a moment, tears stinging his eyes, then stood back. He was surprised by the strong arms that wrapped around him as Jei pulled him in close. “Jei” he whispered, “Yohji.”

“Out cold Tiger. Promise. C’mon. We’ll go back in there on the off chance he wakes, and we’re calling in reinforcements to sit with this one in case he claws his way out of the drug stupor and has nightmares or something. Omi, Yuushi, Manx, I don’t care, but somebody is getting down here to help with the guard duty.” Jei gave a squeeze and stood back. Shutting off the light, secure in the fact that Ran would sleep uninterrupted for, at the very least, an hour or two before he could fight it off, they made their way back to Yohji’s bedside.

Ken sat, taking one of Yohji’s hands into his own as Jei used the phone at the bedside to make some calls......  


Ran woke to Schu’s panicked voice and his trembling hand shaking Ran’s shoulder “Ran! Ran!” Schu called, and Ran clawed his way up from the darkness to find a pale, shaking Schuldig, tears streaming down his face as he frantically tried to wake Ran.

Brad stood close by, gaze fixed on Schuldig, watching as though ready to catch him should he fall.  A grim Jei stood off to the side, near the door, jaw clenched, arms wrapped tightly around Ken holding him close against Jei’s chest as he buried his face in Jei’s neck, body wracked by sobs.

“schu?” Ran asked, waking and growing more fearful by the moment, “Schu? What’s happened?”

“Ran” Schu’s voice hitched, Brad’s strong hand coming to grasp his shoulder tightly, “Ran, I’m... I’m sorry.” Schu’s voice dropped to a whisper, as though afraid to hear his own words, “I -” he cut off, swallowing.

“What” Ran growled, sitting up fully, “What is wrong?”

Brad wrapped both arms around Schu now, pulling him back close against his body. He looked into Ran’s eyes, an spoke calmly. “Ran. Yohji’s gone.”

“gone?” Ran looked around the room at each pale, grim face. Sinking.... he was sinking.... his body growing heavy, heavier with each attempt at breath. “Gone?” he whispered, unable to take a full breath. He tried, gasping, desperate to pull enough air into his lungs. “no” he rasped, bringing his eyes back to Schuldig’s, so lost, so much pain, fear, “no” he whispered again, then forced his throat open to draw in a full, body wrenching breath, “NO!”

Ran bolted upright in the bed, “Yohji!, NO!” he cried, eyes wide, unseeing, as he gripped both hands into his hair and folded over his knees, chest heaving, :Yohji!”

“Ran!” Jei’s voice penetrated his fear, and he reached out to grab onto him, barely registering the strong arms that held him. Ken, behind him, his voice droning as though he’d repeated himself a few times, “It’s ok Ran. He’s ok.” Ken soothed Ran as he began to come out of the nightmare, shaken all the more, to see this strong man so broken. Private, stoic Ran, so ..... afraid.

Jei came forward, easing an arm around Ran as well, “You’re ok Ran, we’re here.” Ran found some control and calmed enough to speak, “Yohji?” he asked, still breathless.

“He’s ok.” Ken soothed again, “I swear.”

Ran looked to Jei, eyes still wide, fearful, “Really Ran. He’s fine, still sleeping, it’s barely dawn. You haven’t been out nearly long enough, though I doubt you’ll wanna try going back to sleep now.”

Ran shook his head quickly, still coming to terms with the fact that .... it was a dream, not... not real. He panted, trying to calm down. Jei went on, “The nurse said at least a couple more hours before he wakes. Dr makes rounds soon, about an hour.”

“I want to see him.” Ran said firmly, and Ken eased back, letting Ran sit up unaided. “Ok Ran. Ok. Just, hold up.” Ken stood up off the bed, then reached back, bringing round a steaming cup of coffee, and a toothbrush in the other hand.

Giving Ran a weary, but warm Hidaka grin, he tilted his head. “Make yourself human again first, huh?” Ran almost smiled, he let the corners of his mouth flutter, and gave a small nod. Ken smiled broader, letting on he’d caught the ghost of a smile, and stood back after making sure Ran’s shaking hands could manage the coffee, dropping the toothbrush onto Ran’s lap.

“Thank you Ken.” Ran said quietly, taking a sip of the brew, “ really”

“’s ok.” Ken answered softly, and turned to one side, coming back with a small bundle. “Nurse said we can use the shower, no problem. Got some of your stuff here” He took the bundle into the adjoining bathroom, “even just a quick one makes a world of difference. Trust me.” He turned to Jei then, giving Ran time to compose himself.

“Gonna step out and grab some chow for all of us,” Ken said, and leaned in for a quick kiss. “back soon.”

Jei stopped him, pulling him back for a deeper kiss, running his hands through Ken’s hair a moment, then just holding him in his arms for a short bit. Sighing, he let go, “Don’t be long tiger, and take Nagi with you. It’ll help him, to keep busy” he stepped back, then watched Ken leave before turning back to Ran.

“I’ll go next door and sit with Omi. You go ahead and get cleaned up a bit, then join us. Ken’ll be back with grub before morning rounds, and Schu and Brad should be here by then too. K Ran?”

Ran took a deep breath, sitting the coffee cup, empty now, on the bedside table. “Thank you Jei. That... that sounds good.” He stood then, toothbrush in hand, swaying only slightly before firming his stance. He nodded to Jei, then made his unsteady way to the shower.

Schu and Brad arrived just after 7am. Yohji still slept and Ran was growing ever more concerned. Jut how much valium had Dr Brice ordered. Surely he should have woken by now.....

At 7:30, promptly, Dr. Brice entered the room. Much too bright and alert, accompanied by another nurse. A matronly woman, with auburn hair and kind eyes. “Gentlemen.” Dr. Brice began. “This is nurse Miller. She will be the regular day nurse for the duration of Mr. Kudoh’s stay. You’ve met nurse Tindall, last night. She’ll be the regular night nurse. The ladies work twelve hour shifts, so you will grow used to them. The weekend nurses will be nurse Keffer and Nurse Adams. Mr. Kudoh will be here for a while, at the least a week, so you will get to know all of the nurses. Now, before I examine Mr. Kudoh, I imagine you have some questions.”

He pointedly looked at Ran, nodding. “Mr. Fujimaya. You look much more clear, though still could clearly use some more rest. Anything you would care to discuss?”

“Thank you doctor.” Ran said quietly. “I did rest some. I do have some questions.” Dr. Brice nodded, “of course.”

Ran paused a moment, then “First Dr. why hasn’t Yohji woken yet. It’s been close to 16 hours now, that’s .... its... that’s so long.” Ran’s voice grew quiet by the end, and he hated the plaintive tone he knew was there, but was powerless to stop it. “please” he whispered, then stopped, forcing himself to stay calm.

“It is not uncommon for trauma victims to sleep extended periods within the early days after such an injury.” Dr Brice smiled around at the group. “Both the physical trauma, and the emotional strain of realizing so much time has lapsed can lead to extended sleep. Don’t worry. He’s not slipped into a coma or anything so drastic, but we are keeping him sedated somewhat to allow healing. I’ve reglauted his dosage, and he will wake naturally at some point today. We’ll see where we are then.”

Dr. Brice checked his watch as he spoke, and so missed Ran’s flinch at the causal address to possible coma. He looked back to Yohji, then. “I estimate probably another two, maybe three hours. We’ll see where we stand then. If he grows too agitated, or seems unable to cope, we will sedate him again for his own safety, at least for the time being.”

Ran nodded, much relieved.  Jei stepped up then. “Dr.” he began,  “the .... point in time, where Yohji was,... well. It was a time shortly before some tragic events, including the death of a dear friend,  followed by the death of Yohji’s parents about two years after that. We don’t want to shock him too badly. What happens if he remembers, suddenly? I mean, is it ... ok, to talk to him, to try to .... trigger memory?” Jei stopped, frustrated, but determined.

“The mind is a remarkably resilient thing, Mr. Fello. While I wouldn’t recommend opening the conversation with these losses, gentle nudges are not only alright, but encouraged. Smells, photos, music, these have all been known to  trigger memory recall. Mr. Kudoh may suddenly recall everything, or it may evolve over time. We simply cannot predict at this time how his recovery will progress. Do not be surpised if he relapses, or grows agitated. This will be completely normal. And. He may recall something intellectually, while still unable to connect emotionally, for some time. “

He turned to Ran. “I understand that the glimpse was into a time before your relationship?” he asked, quietly. Ran nodded, unable to speak around the knot in his throat. “Well. He may begin to recall in.... stages. He may remember spending time with you, even know you to be important, a friend, but be unable to recall the emotional ties. And this can take some time.”

He took in the dread growing on Ran’s face, the slight trembling and clenched fists, “that is not to say he will not recall. I only mention it to warn you.”

“Be prepared,” he looked around the group, “ all of you. for a rollercoaster. He may recall things today, that tomorrow he cannot. He may KNOW something, but be unable to FEEL it. And this stage can take time to resolve. Ultimately, every case is unique. What you say to him or talk about, will not alter his recovery. It may only determine the emotional volatility of the progress. Talk about anything he is comfortable with. And be prepared for mood swings, disorientation, and frustration. On your part and his. He may suddenly recall things that catch him off guard, he may be confused, or vulnerable. Just remember. If he does eventually achieve full recall, he will more than likely recall this time period as well. Have care for his dignity.”

He looked around the group again, “Now. Let’s take a look at the physical aspect, shall we?” He turned to Yohji them, reviewing blood pressure, reflexes, the welling at the arm and leg. He noted medications and stepped back. Turnign to Ran he went on “Physically, he is progressing quite well. We’ll give him two more days, then we’ll have therapies evaluate him. And, obviously, he will need a consult with neurology as well. That will likey be this evening.”

He produced a card and handed it to Ran. “This is my pager. I am on call with the hospital already. But if you need to talk, feel free to contact me.” He smiled then, a brief clasp to Ran’s shoulder, and turned and left, Nurse Miller trailing behind, a swift glance to the group with a warm smile before she let the door swing to behind her.

The guys took a collective breath, then settled around the room in the various chairs, cots, and corners,  left over muffins and sausage sandwiches passed around for something to occupy hands as they settled in to wait....


Ran awoke suddenly, fear again squeezing his heart, the vision of Yohji walking away, cold voice ringing in his ears “I don’t know who you ARE. Leave me alone.”  

“Yohji,” Ran gasped before he could register his own wakefulness, “don’t go”  he came to a sitting position, panting slightly as he realized it was yet another dream.....

“go?” Yohji’s voice. From behind him. “Go where? I don’t think I-”

Ran whirled, “Yohji!” he cried, reaching out toward the bed.

“Ran” Yuushi’s calm voice washed over him, drawing his eyes reluctantly from Yohji. “Schu and Brad went to the cafeteria just a few minutes ago. They should be back soon. You ok?” Yuushi was seated next to the bed, newspaper spread over his bent knee.

Ran blinked, confused. “Yuushi? What?... how... how long?”

“not too long,” Yu answered quietly. “Apparently, that sedative decided to kick in for round two. It seems you’d woken too early. Jei explained,” Yu glanced at Yohji, “about the dreams. I guess once you settled down after Dr Brice left you dropped off again. Ken set you up on the cot. When Yohji woke a while ago, we couldn’t wake you. Dr. Brice insisited you needed the sleep.”

“Yeah man.” Yohji spoke again and Ran drank in the sight of a seemingly lucid, aware Yohji. “You slept like a rock. This guy came in almost an hour ago and you never moved.” Yohji tilted his head, looking Ran over, ‘So.” He drawled, “Yu here tells me he’s part of the band. You in the band too?”

Yuushi’s shocked gasp preceded Ran’s rise from the cot. Yu turned wide eyes to Yohji. “Yohji. No. Wait, Ran’s not=”

Ran spoke, voice quiet, “It’s ok Yu.” He took a shuddering breath. He stood, fear filling him. It was becoming a too well acquainted feeling. One he had been sadly unable to shake these last few days. He came closer to the bedside. As he moved, the sunlight came in behind him, casting a glow around his silhouette.

Yohji was struck  by the sight. A flash filled his mind. This man, holding him, warm and alive in his arms, He blinked, the glow about him, those deep, violet eyes, the red hair, such a vibrant color.  “Angel” Yohji breathed, and Ran froze. Again, his hand raised toward Yohji. An involuntary, completely instinctive motion. “Yohji.” Ran rasped, uncertainty filling his eyes, his voice filled with anguish, loss.

Ran took another step closer. “Ran?” Yohji whispered, “he said your name’s.... Ran?” Yohji shook his head. “you’re not..... in the band...... Paint, I almost smell, ..... paint. “ he gazed at Ran who held his breath. “And.... strawberries. I  can... almost taste it. What?”

Ran was wracked by a sudden sob before he got a firm grip on himself.

“Yohji” Yuushi said quietly, shaking his head. He looked intently at Yohji as Ran took a deep, centering breath. Yohji. There is much, between you two. Ran’s.... part of you man. You said earlier that it felt like something was missing. Well, it’s Ran, Yohji. Look. Just rest ok, don’t... don’t push. IT’s gonna come back. You already remembered the Harley, kinda, and you remember why Jason’s not around. You’ll get there. Something will trigger things.” He thought a moment, “You said paint, well Ran’s a painter. Damn good too.”

Yuushi turned to Ran, easing him toward the chair. “Talk to him. He’s been remembering stuff all morning. Tell him things, remind him. He misses you Ran. He just doesn’t know it. I’ll go get Schu.”

Yuushi left, and Ran stood still a moment, before sinking into the vacated chair.  Arms unconsciously wrapped around himself, as though to hold himself together. “Yohji” he stopped,  cleared his throat, tried again “Yohji. Are you in any pain? Can I, can I get you anything? Do anything?”

“Yeah” Yohji answered softly, “Yeah, it hurst a bit. But the nurse came in and gave me something already. I got, like 3 hours before I can have anything I figure. So.....” he raised his eyes, taking in Ran’s beauty, his pain.... “Come on. Talk to me huh? Distract me.” He watched as Ran seemed to gather himself.

“I... almost.... remember. You, holding me? Soemthing. Talk to me, help me remember stuff, huh?”

Ran hung his head, ran a hand through his hair. “Ok. Ok, let’s.... let’s talk then.”  As he raised his eyes to Yohji’s emerald gaze, Schu entered the room.

“Ran. Oh good, you’re awake.” Schu looked him over, “You ok? Yuushi said-“

Ran cut him off. “I’m fine Schu. Sorry I slept through Yohji waking, but ok. That coffee?”

“Oh! Yeah. I thought you could use some caffeine.” Schu held out the steaming mug. “I was gonna wake you when I got back anyway if you hadn’t come around yet. Seriously,  you ok?”

“Yeah, we’re.... gonna talk.” Ran said, taking a sip.

Yohji spoke up then. “Yeah Schu. I.... kinda remember him..... or about him... paint, and for some reason, strawberries. He’s gonna give me a crash course.” Yohji looked back at Ran then, smiling, and Ran’s heart lurched. The look on Ran’s face,  such.... fearful hope.... triggered another flash suddenly.

Yohji gasped, blinking, “a...ring?” he whispered, glancing down at his own hand, then to Ran’s. his eyes looked far away, seeing something else, “ I don’t...... A girl?......what?”

“No Yohji.” Ran’s quiet voice pulled him back. “Dammit” Yohji cursed, “it’s gone now... there was something.” He trailed off as he took in Ran’s face again.

“No Yohji. Don’t let that be your first remembrance of us. Let me give you other memories first. Please.” Ran pled, “Please” he whispered.

“Ran” Schu spoke. “here” he held out a bag. “The guys brought some pictures, some things to help jog memory. We wanted to wait for you. Look. I’m gonna hang out next door. Knock on the wall if you need anything, okay? We’ll let you guys catch up a bit.”

He stretched a bit, “Manx is holding another press conference this evening, with Omi, to let his adoring public know he’s recovering, but Brad and I are staying here. We sent Jei and Ken home to get some rest. We have a conference set with the police tomorrow, Jei and I, and Omi, to give what we can about the wreck. But someone will be on rotation with you for at least the next few days, all but Aya. We all agreed with Yuushi that she be left out of the schedule.”

He shook Ran’s shoulder at the wide eyed worry starting there. “She’s fine, just.... a bit upset. She’s staying with Manx, and keeping busy.”

Ran relaxed, “Thanks Schu. Again.” He looked up with a wry grin, “I seem to be saying that a lot latrely.”

“That’s what family means Ran.” Schu nudged him. “Now. I’ll leave you two to talk.” He turned to Yohji. “Don’t push Yohji. It’ll come back, Just.... let it.” He smiled then, and quietly left them alone.


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