Music of My Soul

BY : ReadtoEscape
Category: Wei▀ Kreuz > Yaoi - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 1187
Disclaimer: I dont own Weiss kreuz, Ran, Yohji, or any of the guys. I write/post for my own enjoyment. No profit is made. Well, except the stress relief of writing it, & the warm fuzzies I get if you like it. But as those are intangibles,



Chapter 5



Ran awoke bleary eyed, fuzzy headed, with a slight headache, yet….. suprisingly happy. He felt… safe, warm, wrapped in Yohji’s arms. He nuzzled in closer, taking in Yohji’s scent and feel, content and happy, despite the headache, until his brain caught up and reminded him why   he felt fuzzy headed and had the headache caused by clenching his teeth most of the night.... Persia. Fuck. What now?.... Ran felt lead settle into the pit of his stomach, bands of iron constrict around his ribcage..... suddenly it was hard to breathe.  Just as he tensed up, he felt Yohji’s arms tighten around him and, incredibly the tight hold actually made the tightness in his chest somehow lighten.... he felt his own arms tighten around Yohji before he knew he’d moved.


‘Ran, Angel.... relax. You OK?’ Yohji kissed the top of his head before pulling back to look down at Ran, ‘it will  be ok Ran, it will. We will find a way through this, I swear. We won’t let him win. Whatever he’s got planned, it won’t work.  We can do this. There doesn’t have to be scandal, anything to rub off on him. Whatever it takes Ran, extra long work hours, traveling, whatever....  I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.’ Yohji looked at him intently, ‘Ran,’ he took a deep breath, ‘I promise you, as long as you want me, I’m here....’


Ran sighed, ‘Yohji, you say that now, but..... you don’t know the venom, the .... malice Persia can exude... he will.... not make this easy. He wont just ignore this. He gets off on debilitating others....’


‘Ran. Stop.’ Yohji was firm, a tone to his voice Ran had never heard before...... he looked up, and Yohji watched him. ‘Look. Just listen. We can’t change it. He knows. Fine.  We just have to ... go with it, for now. We’ll be extra careful, no mistakes, give him no excuse. And... we’ll work around whatever he throws at us. We will get through this together. For now, for today, I refuse to let him get between us. I will NOT give him a victory. Not even one he will never know about.  You checked on Aya yesterday, right? She’s.... ok?’ Ran nodded. ‘Ok then. Today we go on. We don’t let him interfere. ‘ Yohji rolled them over so he hovered above Ran and looked him determinedly in the eye. ‘I have plans Baby, plans for today. A very special surprise that took a long time to set up and that bastard is not fucking it up.’  Yohji grinned at Ran’s wide eyed stare. Then he leaned in for a soft, kiss, cupping Ran’s jaw, leaning in to pull at Ran’s lip, running a hand up and down Ran’s side. He pulled back.  ‘Don’t Ran. Don’t let him win. Stay with me. Be mine this weekend, today. Let me give you my surprise.’ He spoke quietly, calmly, matter of fact.


Ran relaxed and let Yohji roll back and hold him in his arms. He burrowed in deeper next to Yohji, hugging him back, rubbing his cheek against Yohji’s shoulder. ‘yes Yohji.’ He whispered. Yohji held him tightly a moment longer, ‘Good. Yes Ran. This is right.’ He took a deep breath. ‘so then, first on the schedule is a nice warm shower and  I think..... I need a fix.’ He tilted Ran’s face up to his and kissed him, then licked down Ran’s neck, then back up to his ear, chuckling lightly at Ran’s stuttered ‘a..a f- fix, Yohji?’


‘yeah Babe. You’re.... addicting, like..... cigarettes, only... better’ he nipped his way behind Ran’s ear, then back to his neck again. ‘yeah,’ he breathed, and grinned when he felt Ran shiver, ‘oh yeah, better.... and.... I need a fix Baby.’ He came back to claim Ran’s mouth again, morning breath be damned, he carefully, slowly devoured Ran, trailing his tongue over Ran’s, sucking lightly on his lip, nibbling, diving back in. Each time it seemed the kiss would end until Ran was whimpering, writhing, senses overwhelmed, panting his name.... lost in the sensations, all thoughts of Persia erased.


Yohji then reached down to palm Ran through his robe,  ‘so hard  Ran.... so hot’   he breathed against Ran’s mouth as Ran moaned and arched into his touch, ‘yes Yohji, ngh! Ah....’  Yohji moved his mouth down to swiftly take a nipple in his teeth.  ‘ah! Yohji’ Ran bucked against his palm, his hands clenched on Yohji’s shoulders, head back.  Yohji nipped at Ran’s neck, at that special spot, thrilled at the moan Ran couldn’t hold back. ‘let me spoil you today Angel. Let me relax you, make you happy.’ He spoke with his lips still lightly touching Ran’s neck and shivered at Ran’s whimper.  ‘Ran’ Yohji whispered, ‘this is worth it Babe, worth the fight.’ Yohji wriggled a bit to work both their robes open, reaching between them, he gripped Ran and himself together in his right hand.


Yohji’  Ran moaned, arch ing up. ‘that’s... Yohji.’  Ran reached forward and tangled his fist in Yohji’s hair, ‘kiss me Kudoh,’ he growled, ‘right now.’ He pulled Yohji in and kissed him. Deeply, passionately, thrusting up into Yohji’s grip. ‘ngh.. Yohji  that’s.... that’s incredible’ he panted, ‘don’t... don’t you dare stop.’ He leaned in to bite at Yohji’s neck, sucking, raising his own mark, ‘Yohji. How it feels’  Yohji was squeezing, pulling, but the friction was starting to be a problem, and he didn’t want to hurt either of them. “Ran, wait... wait a sec,’  he relaxed his grip, easing off, slowing the rhythm.


‘Yohji’ Ran warned, his eyes flying open, ‘Yohji’ he growled, ‘what?-‘


Yohji cut him off. ‘Trust me grasshopper,’ Yohji started.


‘Fuck Yohji, I swear-‘


‘Really Ran’ Yohji cut him off again, lightly tracing his hand over Ran’s hardness, reaching down to cup Ran’s sac. ‘Trust me, I know what I’m doing, I’m the sensei, remember?’ he grinned, ‘if we keep this up, as good as it feels right now, we’ll both end up chapped and sore, which will put a damper on any fun later. Come on, shower with me. We’ll have some very nice slickery soap in there, we can finish this and get cleaned up all in one go. Then we can move on with our day.’ He released Ran, gave him a light, nipping kiss, and pulled back to stand at the side of the bed.  He reached out a hand, smiling.


Ran glared a bit, scrambling to cover himself with the flap of his robe. ‘Yohji’ he said flatly, visibly bringing himself  under control. He watched Yohji a moment then sighed. He sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed, sitting up. Ran placed his own hand into Yohji’s still waiting one and looked searchingly at Yohji’s face. Another sigh and he stood. He brought his hands up to cup Yohji’s face and leaned in for a soft, tender kiss, full of the feelings overwhelming him that he could not yet put into words. ‘I do trust you Yohji, in this and so much more.’


He stood up to his full height and fixed Yohji with a stern glare. ‘but I swear Kudoh, if you come out with that grasshopper anywhere where anyone else ever hears you, I will gut you. got me?’ he glared a moment longer, until Yohji’s grin started to falter, then leaned in to kiss Yohji again, firmly, tongue slipping in as Yohji began to open his mouth, probably to reassure. He took his time with the kiss until Yohji leaned forward to wrap his arms around Ran. then he pulled back to look up into Yohji’s eyes with his own sly grin. ‘good.’ Ran said, watching Yohji’s face. ‘as long as you understand Kudoh. Good. So then, for now  .... teach me Sensei, instruct me in all things pleasurable, so I can one day give you as much as you give to me.’  Then he laughed lightly as Yohji grinned and leaned in to kiss him on the nose.


Yohji smiled down at Ran and whispered. ‘yes grasshopper, let me show you.’ then his grin turned feral and he swopped down, taking Ran up into his arms. ‘shower Angel.’ He carried Ran quickly into the bathroom before he really had a chance to sputter much and lowered him to his feet at the edge of the shower.  He smiled and ducked as Ran reached out to pop him in the back of the head.


Ran sighed again and smiled softly. ‘ My Nissho. I must admit,’ -Ran said quietly, ‘last night, the darkness was.... very thick. I can’t believe how you manage to brighten things the way you do.’ He watched as Yohji set up the water and turned back to him. ‘I’m glad babe. Glad I can push it back, glad I can bring you out of it into the light of day. Let me warm you. I promise, today will be good. ’Yohji grinned suddenly, a very big, happy grin.’ I have been really looking forward to today for a while. I swear, it’s gonna be such a blast! Now, drop that robe and jump in that shower. Move it.’ 


Yohji tilted his head as Ran didn’t move to obey, in fact almost... pulled the robe in tighter. ‘Ran?’ he asked quietly. ‘what’s wrong?’ 


‘well, Yohji, I ...’ Ran sighed lightly, ‘it’s... different, isn’t it..... this way....’ Ran wouldn’t look right at Yohji at first, then he seemed to steel himself and locked gazes. Holding his breath he deliberately let the robe fall open and slipped it from his shoulders to let it fall and pool at his feet. He breathed in deeply as it fell away, then stood there, eyes still locked with Yohji’s, arms at his sides, and just.... waited.


Yohji saw the vulnerable look in Ran’s eyes, the almost fear there, and was careful not to smile or grin. He didn’t want to hurt Ran in any way, and understood how hard this was for him. ‘yes Angel, it is different this way. I understand. Not in the heat of passion, under the lights, open, aware... yes, it’s different.’ He stepped closer and, keeping his eyes on Ran’s face he cupped the back of Ran’s neck and leaned in to kiss him lightly. Then he pulled back a step and dropped his own robe. ‘it doesn’t change anything though Ran. You are still incredibly sexy, gorgeous, just... amazing. And I enjoy looking at you. Dressed or not, horny out of my mind or stone cold sober.... doesn’t matter. This,’ and he entwined the fingers of both hands with Rans, lifting their ams out to the sides so both stood there, naked, open to each other, arms raised out. He let his eyes roam over Ran’s toned chest and abdomen, deliberately down over those sexy thighs and back up, lingering only a moment over Ran’s manhood, half hard now, and obviously something Ran was concerned with. ‘This is .... mine, Ran. You are mine.... and I’m glad. I want you to be mine. I ... want to be yours too. This is nice. I like looking at you Babe, but this isn’t all there is to you. and I know that. But, I do want you to grow comfortable with this part. I want you to be comfortable with my touch, with me looking at you. All the time, not just when I’ve turned you to putty.’


He smiled, ‘Believe me Ran, you are beautiful, sexy.... perfect.’ And he let his gaze slowly travel again over every muscle, every detail, gently turning Ran so he could take in his back, shoulders, and that delectable ass too. He turned Ran back to face him again and allowed a small grin at the light blush Ran sported. Ran was smiling now too, and seemed more relaxed, less unsure. ‘Now Babe, in the water before it gets cold and I lose my chance to finish the earlier lesson.’


Ran’s breath caught a bit and Yohji felt his pulse jump in his wrist that was held in Yohji’s hand. ‘ah, yes.’  Ran’s deep voice answered, ‘teach me Sensei.’ He smiled and waved a hand toward the shower, ‘after you.’ and he made a show of watching Yohji as he climbed in the shower. ‘mmmmm’ Ran mused as he followed Yohji into the shower,  ‘I .... I like looking at you too Yohji. Very much.’


‘you do huh? Well then, watch this.’ And he leaned in and took Ran’s wakening member into his hand against his own cock which hadn’t flagged.  Alert and happy at the closeness of Ran, it had stayed at attention, anticipating being near Ran again. Yohji held the two of them in his hand, grinning at Ran’s wide eyed stare. He reached over for the shower gel on the shelf, drizzling a bit over his hand and their lengths. Ran shuddered a bit at the coldness and he gasped, ‘Yohji’ looking up quickly to look at Yohji’s face. Yohji leaned in to kiss Ran then. ‘lesson time Angel’ he moaned against Ran’s lips and started to pull.  ‘mmmm Ran, feel this baby.... I’m so hard for you, and ... damn it feels good to hold you like this.  And look Ran, look at us... you have such a nice cock Ran. you feel so good in my hand, so nice against me.’ Yohji was panting, watching their cocks in his hand, he glanced up to see Ran avidly focused on Yohji’s fist.


Ran was thrusting up now, his own breath harsh, his hands clenched on Yohji’s shoulders. ‘Yohji’ he moaned, ‘i.. I can’t believe... how th-.... how this... feels....ah..... ‘ he dropped one hand down to join Yohji’s and his eyes flew up to Yohji’s face, ‘let me..... Yohji, ... let me.... too..’


‘yes Ran’ Yohji hissed, pumping  his own hips, ‘yes... that’s... good Angel. Squeeze ... me Ran... yes, ....just like... that. Uh...huh...’ both men where thrusting now, pulling, squeezing in rhythm. Ran felt his knees try to buckle and leaned back against the shower wall, pulling Yohji closer to him, their chests close, tight against each other. Ran reached up to tangle the fingers of his left hand in Yohji’s hair. ‘Yohji .... ah.... Ni ..... Nissho.....’


‘Ran...’ Yohji growled, ‘cum for me Ran, cum on me, cum with me.... ‘ Yohji’s stomach was tightening almost painfully, he’d locked his own knees and rocked up onto the balls of his feet, hovering over Ran, his free arm wrapped tightly around Ran, holding them close together. Determined to keep Ran, trying  almost to bring Ran into himself, to feel Ran against every part of himself.  ‘Angel, I’m..... you’re so......’ Yohji’s own hips had taken up that timeless rhythm as he fucked their fists, feeling Ran’s grip tighten on their lengths. Suddenly Ran leaned forward, biting quickly at Yohji’s neck and Yohji couldn’t hold back. ‘Ngh! R... Ran!’ Yohji couldn’t stop it as he felt Ran licking at the juncture of his neck, felt Ran swell against his own spurting cock. Then Ran was growling in his ear, ‘yes Kudoh, Yohji, cum for me ... give me you Yohji, ah!’ then Ran was exploding as well, and Yohji was torn between watching Ran’s cock throb out his orgasm against Yohji’s belly, and the look on Ran’s face as his head rolled back, neck arched taut, his eyes wide, gritted teeth giving way to his mouth opening in a deep moan, ‘ahhh-uhh-aaah’


Yohji pumped a few more pumps, easing the pressure, slowing the pace, as Ran’s knees finally began to give way. Yohji eased them gently to the floor of the tub, pulling Ran into his embrace. ‘oh Angel’ he breathed, ‘gods, you are so incredible..... I-‘ Yohji cut off there, leaning in to kiss Ran deeply, slowly. He sat back, watching as Ran came to more control of himself and smiled  a small, tired smile. ‘mmm, Sensei’ Ran murmured, ‘I, I fear this lesson may need more practice....lots more.’


Yohji chuckled. ‘oh yes grasshopper, I think you may be right.... lots and lots of practice.’ He brushed wet strands from Ran’s face. ‘but, not right now.’ He smacked a palm against Ran’s hip, ‘come beautiful, up. I mean it. Today’s surprise is too good to pass up.’ He stood, pulling Ran up with him, reaching for the scrubber hanging on the shower rack.


They took their time in the shower, eager hands tracing every muscle, over shoulders and firm biceps, across strong backs and trim waists, each rippling  abdomen, the junction of hip and groin, over smooth, firm globes, down taut thighs..... exploring each other under the light of day. Each man half hard again, but ignoring that for this gentle exploration of each other.


Bundled in their robes, enjoying coffee and a swiftly prepared omelet, they sat at the kitchen table. ‘ok Yohji, what is this big surprise then?’ Ran asked.


‘no way Ran. you’re gonna wait til we get there, then you’ll see. I promise, it’s worth the wait.’ He stood and rinsed his plate in the sink. ‘c’mon Babe, let’s hit the road. Comfortable jeans is fine.’





Ran’s flushed face and excited laughter as he exited the tour car was worth all the scheduling nightmares Yohji’d dealt with these last few weeks. All the attitude from the racetrack personnel, even that missed practice session and Omi’s bitching. So, so worth it. To see Ran excited, smiling, laughing – after the fear and worry of yesterday.... yes, worth it. Yohji’d booked  a VIP experience at the nearby racetrack. 5 laps each around the track, then one race ‘against’ each other for three laps. Ran had even beaten him, and when he climbed out of the car after the victory lap, face red, hair wild, eye’s sparkling, Yohji’d wanted to buy the fucking place.


Yohji had reservations at an out of the way diner nearby. Far enough off the beaten path that they weren’t in danger of being in any spotlight or tabloid. No live music here, no night club crowds, no reason to pay any attention to two men enjoying dinner. And, the place was discreetly known as a place where mixed couples could relax and mingle without drawing attention. Yohji’d planned this anyway, but now.... well – fuck Persia. Fine. If he wanted to “ignore” Ran’s friendship then Yohji was gonna take full advantage of that ignoring.  He’d psyched himself this whole week. Looking forward  to not having to curb his impulse to touch Ran, to be able to caress him during dinner, for nothing to stop him from pulling Ran tighter into his arms , to get to dance with Ran.... and by jove, he was going to enjoy it.


Yohji tightened his hold, allowing a small smile into Ran’s hair as the music slowed. Ran circled his arms around Yohji’s neck and burrowed deeper into Yohji’s shoulder. He leaned into Yohji, bringing the line of their bodies together, relishing the feel of Yohji’s hands caressing his back, swaying him to the music. Tracing his hand over Yohji’s neck and jaw, Ran lightly lifted, just a bit, to bring their lips together in the softest of kisses.


Yohji moaned. ‘Ran’ he leaned in, kissing Ran again, deeper, slowly – so slowly, one hand traced down Ran’s back to come to rest on his hip as the other came to cup the back of Ran’s head. He pulled Ran in yet closer, devouring his mouth, holding his hip tight against his own. ‘Yohji’ Ran breathed... Yohji pulled back, easing off. ‘god Ran. You have to stop saying my name like that.’ He growled.


Ran’s dazed, lightly puzzled eyes met his own, an adorable look of confusion on his face, then understanding dawned. He pulled back a bit, puzzlement changing to chagrin, worry. ‘Yohji, i-‘


‘Ran. I want you to say my name, you know I do... just... not here, ok? I want you, more of you, all of you.’ Yohji tightened his hold, pulling Ran back close against him. ‘I want to hear you moan my name, beg my name, sigh my name, call my name... Ran....’ Yohji closed his eyes and swallowed before leaning in for a swift kiss and pulling back to resume the dance. ‘I’ve enjoyed these months and the time we’ve spent together Ran. getting to know you, all of you, seeing you smile.... you’ve become...very important to me Ran.’


‘Yohji.’ Ran answered. ‘you know that you mean a great deal to me as well. And I have very much enjoyed our “dates”. I certainly never would have considered many of the things we have done...’ Suddenly, a grin lit up his whole face. Yohji was spellbound. Ran didn’t even seem to be aware he was grinning like that. ‘Especially today Yohji! How? How did you even know about something like that? That they let people do that? It was amazing!’’ Ran suddenly cut off, obviously getting control of himself. Solemnly he intoned, ‘it was very nice Yohji.’


Yohji laughed at watching Ran try to put forth a calm exterior while the glee still shone from his eyes. Yohji pulled him in quickly for a tight hug just as the music ended. ‘I’m glad Ran. Very glad, that you had fun, that it was a good day.’ He pulled back, smiling down at the redhead. ‘I just wish I’d had a camera ready when you climbed out of that car back in the pit after your victory lap. I’ve never seen you look so beautiful, so ... perfect. I wish I had a picture.’


Ran frowned over his shoulder at Yohji, obviously confused, as they made their way to their table. ‘beautiful?’ he scoffed as they sat. ‘Yohji. My hair was destroyed by the heat and the helmet. I know I had oil on my face, and I was all flushed and sweaty.’ He frowned a little. ‘you don’t have to make up compliments, patronize me Yohji. I mean, we’re ......... friends, close friends. Be honest at least...’ he lowered his gaze to the table, reaching for his ice tea.


‘Ran.’ Yohji’s sharp, almost angry tone caused Ran’s head to snap up, astonished eyes snapping to Yohji’s. He took in Yohji’s folded arms, his frown, and the almost... hurt .... look in his eyes as he just looked at Ran a moment.


‘what Yohji?’ Ran sat up straighter, bracing himself. He knew Yohji’d eventually grow tired of things. How high maintenance everything was, and now, with the new stress of Persia.... yes, Yohji was bound to think it through, get fed up, despite his reassurances of the morning. Ran wasn’t sure what had pushed Yohji to the point suddenly now, but was determined to face it, stoic. He should have known. His retitence, social ineptitude, would certainly push an outgoing people person like Yohji away. Perhaps the dinner and dancing had been enough to do it? Maybe Yohji missed clubbing.... Ran sighed and dropped his eyes back to his drink.


Yohji’d sat watching Ran’s face after his question. Watching all that Ran wouldn’t tell him play out through his eyes. Those eyes that were so expressive, so full of all that was Ran, if only you took the time to watch. His expression wouldn’t waver, but.. his soul was there – in his eyes. Yohji watched the fear ghost through Ran, then the resignation, and finally the glimmer of sadness, loss, before Ran dropped his eyes. Yohji uncrossed his arms and leaned across the table. ‘Ran’ he said quietly as he covered Ran’s hand with his own. ‘I’ve never lied to you. ‘I’ve never made up compliments. I have no need to. You are an incredibly beautiful, sexy man. I’ve told you that before.’


Ran’s eyes darted up to meet Yohji’s emerald gaze, confused, ‘but, Yohji’


‘no Ran.’ Yohji cut him off. ‘listen to me. You are beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, mouthwatering.... just.... incredible. And when you climbed out of that car, you were too. So perfect. Messed hair, oil smudge and all. You had the most amazing smile on your face Ran, and you were laughing. Openly happy in a way I have not seen yet. I haven’t seen you just cut loose and enjoy something like that before. Like, just for a moment in time, you forgot the issues hanging over you – Persia, Aya, (there was a quick flash of pain in those intense violet eyes for a split second, but Yohji pushed on) work, everything.... for just that moment – your smile, that laugh, was totally for me. You looked at me in such a way....’


Yohji’s voice trailed off. He squeezed Ran’s hand tighter. ‘Ran I –‘ he swallowed, closed his eyes.... he whispered, ‘Ran. I.. I can’t do this anymore.’ He eyes flew open at Ran’s sharp gasp and attempt to pull back. He glimpsed the pain there before the walls came up and Ran’s face started to close off. ‘No Ran. I..’  he sighed ‘I meant, I can’t hold back any more, I can’t go on without...’ Yohji started to tremble slightly. He closed his eyes again, Ran still trying discreetly to pull his hand back. Yohji gripped tighter and growled out ‘dammit, I’m in love with you Ran.’


Ran froze. Yohji sat there, squeezing Ran’s hand under his own. Afraid to open his eyes. Terrified despite last night’s,  “state of shock confession”, that he’d pushed too far, too fast, but unable to continue without saying it.... ‘Ran. I can’t take it anymore. I had to say it. I know. I know you have way too much on your plate already, I know this thing with Persia has to have you completely stressed out and it’s not fair to throw this at you right now, but fuck if I know how to stop.....’ he chuckled darkly. He stopped his hand moving over Ran’s. opened his eyes, but kept them on the table. His voice dropped to a rasp. ‘I  have fallen in love with you Ran. you mean so much to me. The thought of not having you in my life... it scares me. I would do anything to see that smile from today, that just for me, special smile, everyday..... look. I know it’s only been three months, and I’m an idiot. I know it’s pressure, but... don’t let it be, ok? Just.... let me love you. you don’t’ have to change anything, don’t have to do anything. I just... I want to be able to say it Ran. And, I knew, eventually I was gonna fuck up and spit it out, probably at the worst time, if I didn’t get it out there. So, if I call you love, or whatever, now you know. Just, don’t... don’t take this away. Let me be here for you. I’m still your friend, you boyfriend if you like. And I don’t expect you to love me back, at least, not yet.’ He finally lifted his eyes with just a hint of a smile.


Ran sat there, still, stunned. A look of .... disbelief, on his face. Not worry, not self doubt or resignation or acceptance – those Yohji’d come to recognize as the most common responses to unpleasant news. No annoyance or cold anger or any other expression Yohji was familiar with, just... disbelief, shock, wonder almost. This look began to fade, and confusion began to be the dominant emotion taking over. Yohji let go as it became obvious Ran wasn’t gonna run. He ran his hand through his hair and sat back to light a smoke. He sighed, ‘I know Ran, I know it’s too fast. I’m sorry. I wasn’t gonna tell you, not yet. But, well, last night almost.... dammit!’ he crossed his arms. ‘I wanted to kill Persia last night Ran, in a way I haven’t felt since-’ he cut off, taking a deep drag from his Marlboro.


‘Yohji’ Ran’s quiet voice cut into his dark thoughts. He looked up to find that adorable, wondering, confused look on Ran’s face. Yohji cleared his throat and clenched his fists under his arms. ‘don’t kiss him. Let him talk,’ he repeated to himself in the back of his mind as he responded. ‘what Ran?’


‘Yohji. How... how can you... I mean?’ Ran licked his lips *Yohji repeated his mantra faster – don’t kiss him, don’t’ kiss him* Ran looked closely into Yohj’s eyes. ‘Yohji. I know you’re attracted to me, I mean, obviously.... I mean..... And, well, I believe we have become... friends.. or .....more than..... during these months. I’ve enjoyed.... dating, and..... more.... the ... more, it’s been..... incredible, really, but.... love? Love, Yohji? Like, forever love? How? How can you possibly be in love  with me? I mean, come on...’ he dropped his eyes now, and his voice quieted to a whisper. ‘Yohji, you know.... you know I’m not..... right. I’m..... broken, Yohji.... you deserve someone..... whole. For ... love. I don’t ... interact.... in any way normal. Business, well.... I know how to put on a persona, to be who I need to be, but .... this is, this is all that I am Yohji. You know  this. I mean, come on. Dancing for example. I don’t dance, I let you move me. That’s how it is Yohji, in all things. I’m not really alive, it’s you. You bring me to life, Nissho. And you shouldn’t have to. You deserve someone more, someone real.  ... For love. ... Someone to have fun with, go clubbing with, to be happy with. Someone who can bring you life, Not this broken floundering person with threats hanging over him all the time, with all this baggage. Not someone who can’t go on tour with you because’  *and here his breath hitched just a bit,* ‘because the hospital might call, or- ’




Ran realized he was babbling – him!. He stopped, and brought his eyes back to Yohji with a deep breath. As his eyes found Yohji’s he was floored by the love shining there. Love directed at him. It was like, Yohji’d kept a veil over his eyes before, and now he’d pulled it off. He shone. Love and happiness were shining from those eyes, desire too, but overwhelmingly, love. Ran had never felt so safe, so warm... loved. ‘Yohji’ he breathed, stunned as Yohji smiled at him widely. ‘Ran. I told you earlier. If you say my name like that I’m gonna want more.’ His voice dropped to a husky whisper, ‘ a lot more Ran.’ he leaned in closer. ‘there is something you need to understand. And I want this to stick in your head. Listen closely. Are you paying attention?’ Yohji’s eyes still shone, full of love, but his voice here was almost stern.


‘yes Yohji. I’m listening. What is it?’ Ran whispered. Yohji chose to let the *yes Yohji* slide, for now.


‘Ran. I don’t love you in spite of who you are, how you react, all those things. I love you because of you. You are who you are. Watching you grow, become comfortable, because of me... this is amazing. No. I don’t like the baggage hanging over our heads. I don’t know how to deal with all of it, but we can face it together. And no. I don’t like the persona. When you’re with me, I want the real you. I don’t like to see you put up those walls. I want to be the one always allowed inside. You’re not broken Ran, you’ve just been alone for too, too long. And your bastard father suffocated you, in too many ways. Ran. I love you. all of you. quirks and all. They’re my quirks. I want to learn them all.  Come on. Let’s go home. Let me love you tonight Ran.’


Yohji stood, pulling ran up into his arms. Content with knowing that Ran did love him, even if he couldn’t say it yet, or likely didn’t even realize it fully. He could wait. Ran wasn’t gonna run. ‘come on, let me show you some new lessons Ran.’ his eyes smoldered as he looked down into Ran’s wary, hopeful gaze. He kissed him, tucked Ran in close to his side, and led them out of the restaurant.


So engrossed in each other and the night’s revelations, neither man noticed the watcher in the shadows, observing them quietly with intense focus from the dancing through their exit. Didn’t notice the patron exiting shortly behind them as they made their way to Yohji’s car.....





They stopped by the hospital on the way home, to bring assurance to them both of Aya’s continued safety. Ran watched Yohji for the short time they were there. Yohji’s eyes had not dimmed in their love of him, and if Ran wasn’t mistaken, there seemed to be a deep emotion there as he gazed on Aya as well. Ran sighed deeply, brushing her hair back from her face. She seemed fine, there had been no change, and nothing in her chart about any moves or pending changes. It seemed he worried needlessly, for now. The night nurse came in to turn Aya onto her other side, part of the necessity of caring for the comatose, repositioning to prevent pressure on her skin, moving her arms and legs to maintain muscle tone. ‘will you be staying Ran?’ Gina asked as she and the assistant nurse began made to pull back the blankets.


‘no Gina, not his time.’ Ran shook his head. ‘We’ll be back later this weekend’


‘Monday.’ Yohji cut in, after the picnic, we’ll check on her then.’


‘Monday then. It was nice to see you again Ran.’ Gina smiled warmly. ‘you look good, not so tired as before. Take care of yourself.’ She watched as the young men left. It was good that Ran wasn’t spending nearly every night here anymore. She wondered, briefly, if the blonde was part of the reason why. He’d never brought anyone else here with him before.... ah well. Whatever it was, to seemed good for him, that aura of defeat wasn’t there anymore, he still was .... stoic, grave, but not.... so hopeless....




Yohji eased Ran down onto the bed and leaned down to remove his boots. ‘so Babe, was I right or what? Today’s surprise topped the cake, hmm?’ Yohji grinned as Ran’s eys lit up briefly before he tiled his head to give Yohji a curious look.


‘yes Yohji.’ Ran answered with a gleam  and a soft smile.


Yohji froze, for just a moment then lifted up on his knees to engulf Ran in his arms. ‘thank you Ran,’ he husked. ‘thank you for not pulling away, for not pushing me out. It’ll be good, you’ll see. We’re.... right. I know you hadn’t expected ‘forever love’  as you called it, when you decided to try for something more  with me. And I will be your friend or whatever you need me to be. Thank you for letting me love you.’ he squeezed Ran for a moment longer, then eased him to lay back on the mattress.


He looked down solem, but eyes shining with love. Ran was overwhelmed with the .... safeness he felt. The feeling of.... home.


Yohji smiled softly, ‘for now, it’s time to relax. I am gonna give you a lesson in relaxation Ran.Tthis is a very important lesson if we are to move further than we have come already. Don’t get me wrong, I love the things you are learning to do with that mouth of yours,’ Yohji shivered lightly, and Ran squirmed just a bit  ‘and I love touching you and you touching me, but..... for us to go further, you are going to have to learn to relax. Not just, relax and let me touch you, enjoying the sensations, but relax everything. You are always so tense, many times even after.... your legs will give out, or you’ll nod off into sleep, but.... always, there’s still a .... tension, there. We have to dispel that. And I know, now.... with persia’s little bombshell, you are as highstrung as a piano wire. So, roll over. Tonight you begin to learn massage. And, if I do say so myself, I am a master.’


Yohji smiled and  ran his hands lightly over Ran’s thigh. Ran closed his eyes and sighed, just a bit. ‘Yohji, it .... it shouldn’t be this difficult. You shouldn’t have-‘


Yohji cut him off before he could go on. ‘Ran. I ... look. I love you, I want this ....relationship, this.... part of our relationship..... to move forward, very very much. And it.... it’s not difficult,  I am being more careful than is probably necessary. But, .... I want our first time to be ..... as painless as possible. Look. We could... go on, now. As things are. Eventually, you would enjoy it, but... eventually. That means to begin with, you would be in some likely serious pain. and I don’t want eventually. I don’t want pain to be part of our time together. Definitely not for our first time. I am quite content to continue as we are. You are very talented with that mouth, I wasn’t lying. And I could almost cum every time you put your hands on me. But. I know, eventually,’ he smiled a bit, ‘you are going to want to experiment, to try more. And I want to  be the one to give you that. And I don’t’ here his voice hardened a bit, ‘I don’t want your body to associate pain with that release Ran. not to begin with. Later, if you want to try some kink now and then, after you are comfortable with your likes, that’s fine we can see. I, personally, do not like pain... well, beyond some nibbling, a little teeth, nails, mmm , can be very nice. I do not like real pain, whips, stuff like that.’


Ran’s eyes had widened as Yohji went on, and he couldn’t seem to help blurting, ‘whips?’


Yohji smiled. ‘doesn’t sound like your cup of tea huh?’ Ran shook his head, s little bemused, ‘well, good. But seriously, after a while, if you want to try something, if you have any....fantasy or... something you want to try, that’s fine- I will try almost anything once. And if you find something that really turns you on, or that you really like, just tell me. But, for now, to begin, I want only pleasure between us Ran. let me ease you into this phase, just as we have been. A bit at a time, until you are ready to receive me.’ He leaned in to kiss Ran softly. ‘so, first, relaxing. You need it anyway, it will help with the headaches, and-‘


Yohji cut off, chuckling at Ran’s second wide eyed expression. ‘yes Ran, I know you have headaches. You don’t have to say it or tell me, it’s obvious when you do, at least to me. Now. Roll over, close your eyes and just lay there a bit. I’ll have you so relaxed by the time I’m done tonight you wont know who you are.’


Ran gave Yohji a skeptical glare and pulled off his shirt. He looked at Yohji a bit longer, then reached down and removed his jeans too, before quickly rolling onto his belly, head turned toward the wall. He didn’t say anything, just lay there, breathing, waiting.....


Yohji sat there for a while, just getting his fill of the sight of Ran. long, lean, muscled legs, trailing up to a well toned, beautiful ass, tapered waist.... Ran’s back was muscled too, and the arms cradling his head were well defined, strength obvious without being overstated. He reached out to trail his hand lightly down Ran’s left shoulder and down his back, delighting in the goose bumps left in the wake of his caress. He sat up, reaching into the bedside table for the massage oil he’d bought last week and stashed there, hoping for this moment.


Yohji straddled Ran’s thighs, keeping his boxers on. Tonight was all about Ran. he wasn’t kidding about Ran needing to relax. The man was a walking bowstring most of time. It could not be healthy. Yohji began to knead at Ran’s shoulders and neck, eliciting an unexpected moan, and smiling as Ran began to sink into the mattress. Yohji worked diligently, slowly making his way down Ran’s back, thoroughly working him over. Slowly, he made his way lower down Ran’s back, then, as he felt a new kind of tension begin to build in Ran’s body, he soothed, ‘Shh Angel, not yet.’ He whispered, moving down past Ran’s buttocks to work on his thighs, legs. Ran moaned again, and sighed in bliss as Yohji bled the tension from his body.


Yohji worked his way back up Ran’s legs, this time, letting his hands trail down, slightly, to caress the inner thigh. Ran hummed lightly, seeming almost on the edge of sleep as Yohji began to caress his ass and lower back. Yohji felt Ran’s awareness slowly return, and let his hands dip between Ran’s thighs again to lightly nudge them apart. He massaged Ran’s thighs and ass until Ran was discreetly nudging, trying to get Yohji’s hands where he obviously yearned for them to be.


Yohji dropped one hand down to caress the backs of his fingers over that spot just behind Ran’s balls. Ran moaned and pushed back, just a bit, ‘yes Yohji’ he breathed, ‘that’s... that’s nice.’


Yohji’s own breathing hand increased and he leaned down to trail kisses over Ran’s lower back, and down over one cheek. He ran his hand lower to cup Ran’s sac, ‘yes Ran.’ he moaned, ‘it is. I like to touch you Ran, to see you, feel you grow for me.’ He kissed the inside of Ran’s thigh as he reached down under Ran’s belly to hold Ran’s length in his left palm. His other hand dipped into the oil jar nearby, and he warned Ran, not wanting him to tense and undo all his hard work. ‘I’m gonna touch you now Angel, just feel don’t move, just feel.’


Yohji ran his slick fingers down the crack of Ran’s ass, just up and down, slowly, as he began to caress his cock with the same rhythm. Loose, easy, gently.... he circled one finger around Ran’s pucker, ‘lesson time Angel’ he husked, and slowly, carefully, eased the tip of his forefinger inside.


Ran tensed, just a bio, but Yohji’s continued pull on his cock, and the pressure of his wrist against that spot just behind his balls distracted him enough that soon Yohji could ease in a bit deeper. ‘yes Ran, I’m inside you Baby, just a bit, but... inside. And ...gods Ran, you are so.... tight, so..... hot...’ Yohji was panting lightly now, puling Ran’s cock a bit harder than he’d planned, but eager now for Ran to cum. To feel that pucker tighten around his finger .... he gently began to ease in and out, in time with Ran’s own rhythm which his hips had involuntarily started... ‘yes Ran,’ Yohji circled around with that finger, paying close intention as he pushed in farther, all the way. Suddenly, as he pushed in completely, his hand tilted just so, Ran arched and called out, ‘Yohji!.... gods that....’


Ran was panting, ‘Yohji....what...please.’ he moaned, deep, guttural, ‘Yohji’


‘oh baby’ Yohji was thrusting his own hardness against the outside of Ran’s thigh by now, and at Ran’s startled jump, almost came himself. ‘there Ran? right.... there?’ Yohji pressed forward again, pressing firmly, deeply, just as he squeezed Ran’s cock, thumb slipping over the head.


‘Yohji! Ah....Yo...’ Ran was thrusting back now, searching, mindlessly, for that finger again. ‘Yes Ran... yes’ Yohji hissed and began to thrust his finger in earnest, deeply, slowly, grazing over that spot again and again, increasing his pace as Ran’s panting grew more frantic. Yohji swiftly inserted a second finger, with no warning, making sure to aim true, he pushed with a deep, hard thrust, his other hand flying over Ran’s cock. ‘Yohji!’ Ran suddenly tensed, froze, and moaned from deep, deep inside.... ‘nnnnggghhh!’ as he came, forcefully. Yohji stilled his hand from pumping, still buried inside, flicking the tips of his fingers over that nub of flesh. Ran’s hips began to stutter with the aftershocks and Yohji stopped before it could become too much.


His own thrusts against Ran’s thigh had stopped, but he hadn’t cum. Too engrossed in Ran’s body, his responses. Enraptured, watching Ran’s orgasm play out in those wide eyes, taut neck, twisted fingers trying to shred the pillow he had in his deathgrip. As Ran began to melt, Yohji became aware again of his own painful, hard, cock and eased back to not put too much pressure on Ran’s leg. Ran’s panting was easing now, and he tried to talk. ‘Yohji’ he whispered, ‘oh damn, Yohji’


Yohji chuckled, ‘see? I told you before, you know about it, but you don’t know’ he carefully eased his hand out of Ran’s body, cleaning himself with the wetnaps he’d planted in the table drawer as well, and gently rolled Ran over to retrieve his numb arm. He sat up, leaning over to clean Ran’s belly, and then stood to swiftly remove his boxers before coming back to the bed to take Ran in his arms.


Ran lay there, watching Yohji with half lidded eyes as he cleaned Ran up and spread a towel over the wet spot. ‘Yohji. That was... incredible. I... see, though, what you meant. At first.... even with just one...’ and here Ran began to blush a little, but steeled himself and went one, ‘even with just one finger, it was.... it felt....’


‘it felt big, right?’ Yohji cut in as he pulled Ran into his embrace. ‘just one finger, at first, felt like, what the hell are you doing?.... I know Ran, that’s why we’re going to take this slow. A little at a time. You will be well prepared before we progress to me taking you...’ Yohji smiled as Ran’s gaze quickly darted to his still full, swollen cock, then back to Yohji’s face. The almost ... fear, worry, there at first was immediately replaced with a curious look that then morphed to .... surprise and then.... almost.... chiding. ‘Yohji.... you didn’t.... you’re still......’ Ran’s eyes smoldered, ‘Yohji’ he husked, ‘let me make you cum.’


‘Ran’ Yohji couldn’t help but moan, and his eyes closed briefly, ‘oh yes baby, please do.... I’m all yours.’


Ran sat up and eased Yohji down, running his hands over Yohji’s chest, through his hair, down over his shoulders... ‘Yohji, can.... can I?....’ Ran seemed hesitant



‘What Ran? Anyting, just tell me.’ Yohji cupped the side of Ran’s face.


‘well, I...., do you..... I mean.’ He took a deep breath, ‘never mind.’ He leaned down and before Yohji could insist on finding out what had Ran flustered, he took Yohji into his mouth, immediately sucking deep and hard. One hand held Yohji’s cock in place, while the other, for the first time, began to ease down, below his sac. Exploring, Ran trailed his fingers over that line below, earning a moaning, thrashing Yohji for his effort. ‘Ran... Ran.. I’m close already. Watching you, gods Ran, it brings me sop close, just seeing you respond to me.... yes Ran! just like that Baby, don’t.... don’t stop.’ Yohji tangled his fingers in Ran’s hair and began to thrust into Ran’s mouth.


Ran was surprised at first, Yohji’d always been....gentle. and he wasn’t rough now, exactly, just...forceful, eager, in way Ran found he enjoyed, a lot. He hummed deep in his throat at the feel of Yohji’s hands clenching in his hair and Yohji’s voice calling out, ‘Ran.... Ran....please....ungh,’ Yohji seemed unable to hold back his thrusts as they grew deeper, more intense. Ran used one arm to hold Yohji’s hips down and eased his head back a bit against Yohji’s fists.


‘oh! Shit!’ Yohji panted, ‘I’m... sorry, Ran... ngh! Damn...’ Yohji seemed like he wanted to push Ran away, but Ran was having none of that.  He leaned in again, taking Yohji fully into his throat, humming, sucking, twirling his tongue until Yohji was again mindless in his pleasure, fists clenched tightly in Ran’s hair. ‘Ran! I’m... Ran..... it’’s......’ Yohji arched up, head thrown back as a wordless cry left his throat, ‘ahhhhhh!’ his hot, heady seed filled Ran’s mouth, spilling down his throat as he sucked harder, laving Yohji with his tongue until the spasms stopped. He continued until he was certain Yohji was done, then looked up to find Yohji’s eyes tightly closed, panting.

‘Ran’ Yohji whispered, ‘Ran I’m-‘


‘don’t you dare tell me you’re sorry Kudoh’ Ran said quickly.  ‘that was so damn hot.’

Yohji’s eyes opened, seeking out Ran’s own. “Ran, I –“

‘I mean it Yohji. Don’t say it. To be able to bring you such pleasure that you lose yourself, that is my goal.... you didn’t hurt me, I just pulled back to get my bearings. It was perfect. I’m glad you felt that... intense. You are a gifted teacher.’ Ran crawled up to kiss Yohji firmly, deeply. He pulled back, gazing into Yohji’s eyes, that once again shown with love, acceptance, home....

‘Yohji, I .... care for you, very much. I .... may even love you, I don’t know. But, I’ve... I’ve never been in love before... I’m not sure if that’s what this is... I I do know I don’t want to lose you. the thought, when Persia threatened you... gods I almost killed him right there. Maybe, maybe it is love...’ he raised his eyes to Yohji’s ‘it’s not too fast Yohji, it’s just... I want you to be happy, to be sure... it’s bound to be a lot of work, loving me.... a lot of hassle, I don’t want... don’t want to... fall in love, and then.... then you figure out it’s not worth it.’

By the end his voice had dropped to a whisper. ‘Ran. look at me’ Yohji coaxed Ran’s eyes back to his own, running his hand through Ran’s hair, he smiled, ‘didn’t anyone ever tell you nothing really worth it is ever easy? I have been in love Ran. I know how it feels. I love you, need you. and I meant, as long as you want me, I’m here. When you figure it out, if you decide you’re in love with me, you’ll make me the happiest guy on the planet. If you decide you want to be friends and look for something else, well... I’ll take that too, as pathetic as that makes me. I will be your friend, your sensei, your lover... your love. Whatever capacity you choose. Just, don’t close back up on me, don’t pull away. Let me love you Ran.’

Ran leaned down, ‘yes Yohji’ he whispered against Yohji’s lips, and then curled up into Yohji’s side. ‘I should insist we shower, right now, but.... this is ... nice Yohji. Hold me, just, hold me.’ He snuggled in deeper to Yohji’s side, and relaxed with his head on Yohji’s shoulder.

Yohji chuckled, ‘yes Ran. Love.’ He kissed the top of Ran’s head and held him as they drifted off to sleep.




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