Music of My Soul

BY : ReadtoEscape
Category: Wei▀ Kreuz > Yaoi - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 1198
Disclaimer: I dont own Weiss kreuz, Ran, Yohji, or any of the guys. I write/post for my own enjoyment. No profit is made. Well, except the stress relief of writing it, & the warm fuzzies I get if you like it. But as those are intangibles,




Yohji sat in the car looking at the building in front of  them for a moment before Ran pulled into the garage. They sat there quietly for a short time, then Ran turned to Yohji. “Anything?” he asked, hope deliberately controlled. Yohji could recognize that now, when Ran’s voice went flat, toneless, he was holding himself so tight, not to let any hope or fear show through.


“Not really,” Yohji sighed, keeping his gaze on the items in the garage and away from Ran. He glanced over the accumulated things.... looked like some old sound equipment, what might have been Jei’s bass hanging on the wall, some wrapped rectangles that Yohji was pretty sure were canvases...


“That’s ok.” Ran murmured, “don’t worry about anything.” He climbed out of the car and came to Yohji’s door “Let’s get you inside, then I’ll come back for the bags.” Ran carefully helped Yohji to a standing position, making sure his leg remained raised, never letting his foot touch the floor. With one hand about Yohji’s waist, he held Yohji’s balance as he carefully pivoted to ease Yohji down into a wheelchair he’d positioned next to the car when he came around the side. He placed Yohji’s leg carefully on the raised platform and turned to quickly unlock and prop open the door before he slipped behind the chair.


Ran steered Yohji inside, mindful of any bumps or corners and entered the living room area, “Sofa or bed?” he asked quietly as Yohji discreetly looked around the room. Yohji tensed a bit, then answered, “Sofa for now. I’m not tired right now.”


“Okay” Ran braced the chair near the overstuffed sofa, and locked the brakes. He deftly eased Yohji up, then turned him to gently ease him down to the cushions. Yohji himself manhandled his injured leg up onto the cushions and Ran quickly dropped a pillow there to prop it up. “I’ll be right back,” he murmured and left Yohji to settle in.


Folding the small chair he moved it right next to the door, and made his way back to the car. A few minutes later, he returned with Yohji’s bag, a bouquet of calla lilies, and a small tote filled with the latest delivery of cards from fans that hadn’t been removed from the hospital before the discharge. He sat the bag on the floor and the tote in the recliner before making his way back to the kitchen to refresh the bouquet.


Ran reentered the living room placing the flowers on the window sill, joining with several other flower arrangements around the room that Ran had brought home over the last week. All the while, Yohji sat quietly watching, looking around the room glancing at pictures and things, thinking.


Ran turned and came to a stop near the coffee table, “Can I get you anything Yohji? You want something to eat, or a shower, or –“


“Ran,” Yohji said quietly, “I’m fine for now. Sit down Ran. Let’s.... talk, for a bit”


Ran sat with some dread, expression closed, showing nothing, but afraid just the same. He moved the tote with the cards aside, setting it on the floor, and faced Yohji. “Yes?” he asked quietly.


Yohji watched him a moment then took a deep breath. “I’m remembering more Ran. This morning, I remembered some of the dreams from last night, and there are areas that are not so... cloudy.” He dropped his eyes to his lap. “I remember what.... what happened to As –“he stuttered, “to Asuka.” He swallowed and waved Ran’s movement off as he shuddered, “I called Jei early this morning and we... talked. About it.”


Yohji swallowed again, cleared his throat, and went on “I... remember .... some of you. Not all, not ... us, but there are flashes here and there of you. I... I know you meant.... mean something to me.” He took another breath and went on, “It’s.... there Ran. I just... haven’t found it all.”


Yohji stopped and took in Ran’s pose, “eyes focused on Yohji’s leg, his own hands fisted on his thighs. “Ran, look at me” Yohji whispered.


Ran closed his eyes for a moment, obviously steeled himself, and looked up. Yohji almost flinched at the raw pain in those violet orbs before they shuttered it away. “Ran. I’m not going anywhere. The guys... they’re right. We have to.... try this. I just want... time. Ya know? A chance to... remember me. Then, get to know you, learn who you are. For myself. Not just from stories, or videos, but in my own head, heart. Before we jump back into anything. Just.... give me a couple days, ok? Please”


Ran reached out a hand and traced over Yohji’s arm. He started to speak, stopped and cleared his throat, “anything Yohji” he rasped, “anything. We can... start over. We can be friends first. WE ARE friends first.” He took a  quick breath. Focusing on Yohji he spoke firmly, baring his soul, “I love you Yohji. Whatever you need, I’m here. For now, friends. And if you’re feeling pressured or.... overwhelmed, especially with... Asuka’s memory, and need time for yourself, or need me out of your way. I’d planned to stay in the guest room at least at first anyway. With your leg, it’s better anyway. And, if you need the friends you KNOW, that’s fine too. What did Jei say, when you told him what.... what you’d remembered?”


Yohji smiled softly, “almost the same thing. He made me promise to come here first this afternoon, to stay for tonight at least, then he offered to come over tomorrow and stay if I needed. Or if I really need him and Ken, they said they’d come tonight. Swore you’d be fine with it.”


He stopped and ran his hands over his face, “OK I am tired, more than I thought I guess. Think I’ll take a nap. Here’s ok. Maybe..... maybe we can have an early dinner?” He smiled tentatively, “Something with flavor?” He grinned, “Which after all that cardboard they call food, means pretty much anything.”


“I am fine with it Yohji.” Ran answered, “Look. How about you rest, I’ll put on some chili, and I’ll tell Jei and Ken to come on over tonight anyway. You sure you want to sleep here, on the sofa? I can help you to the bedroom...”


“Nah. This is good.” Yohji eased himself down deeper into the plush cushions. “I don’t want to move. Comfy.” He yawned “If you’re sure it’s ok, I wouldn’t mind if they came for dinner.”


Ran eased the afghan from the back of the sofa over Yohji’s reclined form and just caught himself from caressing his face. He forced himself to step back, “I’m sure Yohji. Really. You rest, I’ll call them now.”


“mmmm, yeah” Yohji mumbled as he relaxed into sleep. The painkillers they pumped into him before the discharge finally knocking him out.




Yohji woke an unknown time later to the mouthwatering aroma of chili pervading the room and quiet voices in the distance. Stretching, he grimaced. The pain had returned, in force, fully engulfing him for a moment, almost making him sick, before he was able to take a deep breath and get it under control.  He sat up carefully, and notice a full sized wheelchair next to the sofa.


He turned, and found the smaller, travel chair, still next to the door. Ran must have at some point obtained the bigger one with the padded leg lift for Yohji at home. Yohji scooted himself to the edge of the sofa and grasped on arm on the chair. Just as he braced himself to lift, a voice from behind asked, “And what do you think you’re doing?”


Whipping his head around, Yohji came face to face with a stern faced Jei, single eye glaring at his, arms crossed. Shrugging sheepishly, Yohji said “getting up into this thing so I can come into the kitchen.”


“uh-huh, right. And when you fall and break the other leg, then what?” Jei glared a moment longer, and came around the sofa. “look fuck-wit. You have to lock the brakes first EVERY TIME” Jei gently pushed the wheelchair with one foot and Yohji watched, defeated, as the damn thing spun slowly in an arc away from the sofa.


“Oh” Yohji mumbled.


“Yeah. Oh.” Jei growled. “Not to mention that you’re not to transfer alone yet anyway. What if you put that foot down for balance and bear weight? You know they told you NO pressure on the leg, at least another week. If you don’t lock the chair and wait for someone, you’re gonna end up right back in surgery. You want that?”


“No” Yohji sighed, “I’m just sick of being helpless, and the chili smells really, really, good.” He turned puppy eyes to Jei and earned a laugh.


Jei laughed along, but he saw the tension. He knew Yohji was hurting more than he let on too. “c’mon you.” he pulled the chair back in place, made a point of locking the brakes, and helped Yohji transfer from the sofa.


Just as he settled Yohji into the seat, leg elevated, Ran came into the room from the kitchen ,”Yohji?” he asked, “I didn’t know you’d woken.” Ran took in the pale face, the hands unconsciously hovering over his leg, the shaking hands.... “You’re overdue for your meds, you slept pretty good. Let me get you something to take the edge off. You can take it with your dinner. Hungry?” he asked as he turned back toward the kitchen.


“Yeah. Thanks” Yohji answered as Jei steered him toward the table. “And yeah, I’ll take something. But only half. The full dose just knocks me off, and I’m sick of sleeping so damn much.”


Ran glanced back and Yohji for a minute, then nodded. Ken turned from the stove as Ran rummaged in the bag on the counter. “I’ll get ya a drink, what’s your poison Yohji? And don’t ask for a beer. You’re a few weeks out from that yet. But, I figured you’d be done with ice water and  7Up for a bit.” He flashed a grin then turned to the fridge, “we got Sobe juices, Mt. Dew, Gatorade... your call.”


Yohji grinned, “do you even have to ask?”


“Mt. Dew it is” Ken laughed as he produced a bottle with a flourish. Then he sat a grape juice down as well, “And something healthy too. Let’s keep Ran balanced, hmm”


Ran swatted him in the back of the head as he came over with Yohji’s meds. “here. Try this. I’ll get your bowl.”


“Already got it” Jei smiled as he sat a bowl before Yohji, and another in the seat across from him. “Have a seat Ran. I got this”


“Thanks” Ran smiled softly and took his seat. Ken got drinks for the rest and they all sat to enjoy the aromatic chili. The rich spicy aroma grew stronger, and Yohji had a flash of..... something..... Ran? licking chili from his fingers? Chili piled high on .... a hotdog. Ran smiling, bright, open, in a way Yohji knew HAD to be a memory. He’d certainly never seen him smile that way since he.... woke.


Yohji gasped before he could stop it and all speech dropped. “Yohji?” Ken asked as Ran reached across the table. “Are you ok?” Ran’s deep voice asked and Yohji’s eyes flew to his. Yohji swallowed. Took a deep breath and swallowed again. “Yeah,” he choked out. “Yeah, just.... the smell, it’s.. familiar I guess”


Jei grinned, blustering to let Yohji regain his composure. “Yeah I guess it would be. Ran here makes the best damn chili I’ve ever had. Bit of a tradition for us to have it once a month or so.”


Yohji smiled, “well, if it tastes as good as it smells, I can see why.” He leaned forward and took a bite and his eyes closed, a moan coming from his throat. Ran’s eyes widened for a second, then quickly closed as he took his own bite. Yohji opened his eyes wide, and quickly took another bite, angst from the earlier memory forgotten for the moment in the rapture experienced by his tastebuds. “Damn!” he growled as he swallowed, “That is good!” He quickly took another bite, then smiled an open, happy smile at Ran.


“I’m glad Nissho.” Ran answered before he caught himself, and Yohji’s brow furrowed, “Nissho?”


Jei jumped in with a story about Ran’s cooking prowess and soon everyone was smiling, relaxed. Yohji’s pain meds, even at half a dose, were still pretty powerful. It had been a long day with the relocation home, and it had been a rough night the night before with the memories of Asuka overwhelming Yohji, robbing his sleep. Soon enough Yohji was nodding over his empty second bowl of chili.


Ken smiled softly as he removed the bowl, brushing Yohji’s hair back and leaning over. “We’re gonna take off man. We’re always a call away, you know that.” He stood, “Try to get some sleep, huh?” Yohji nodded as he yawned, “Looks like that wont be a problem.” Jei laughed.


He clasped Yohji’s shoulder, then shrugged and leaned down for a hug. “Sleep Yohji. Rest and heal. We’ll be around” He and Ken cleared the table, then made their exit.


Ran put the chili away and turned back to Yohji at the table. “Well, let’s take the tour and get you settled into the bedroom., huh? You’re still in pain, and I think maybe today took more out of you than you want to admit.”


Yohji sighed. “Yeah. I guess it did at that.”


Ran steered Yohji slowly around their home, despairing inside of ever having his love back as Yohji failed to recall anything on the tour. Even the studio earned only a passing interest. Finally they came to the bedroom. Yohji sat quietly a moment, then sighed, shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry Ran, it’s just.... a place. There’s nothing..... there.”


“It’s okay Yohji.” Ran whispered from behind him, ‘You’re exhausted. Give it time. For now, let’s just focus on tonight.”


He helped Yohji onto the bed, Yohji leaning back to take in the skylight, Ran’s heart freezing yet more at the lack of recognition..... He carefully avoided eye contact, not wanting Yohji to feel like he was letting Ran down, or that there was any expectation...or to let Yohji see the pain he knew he couldn’t hide....


Ran helped Yohji ease into his favorite sweats, especially careful of the leg, and eased him under the comforter. He reached over to the nightstand. “I know it’s cliché, but here’s a bell. If you need me, for anything, ring. Please. We’ll... figure out a shower and everything else tomorrow. Alright?”


Yohji grinned, shook his head, and promised. He settled down, unable to hold his eyes open any longer. Ran stood, just watching him for a minute, then left the room, leaving the door ajar as he went. He listened outside the door for a short time, then made his way to the next room.


Seating himself on the guest bed, his own door firmly, if silently, shut behind him, a shaking Ran gave in to the pain, fear, .... terror, and buried his face into the pillow clutched in white knuckled fists, as sobs wracked his frame.......


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